Anonymous wrote:Wrong. A guy doesn't block you to test your desire to reach him. He blocks you because you went bat shit crazy and he is done

Yeahhh...this, unfortunately. If he had said "I need some space, please don't try to contact me for a bit" that's one thing...but all out blocking you is pretty final / telling. That's like...what you do when you are DONE, over it, finality, end of story. I don't think there's even a little part of him that's secretly hoping you'll reach out (like might be true if he had just...ended it after a fight, or unfri need you or whatever). I think you are the crazy girl he's done with in his mind.

I am also wondering about bipolar / something similar, because you definitely sound like you're in a manic phase. Does that resonate? Look, I'm not going to tell you don't do it because it seems like that's useless, but you need to be very prepared for (nay, expect) the fact that this will not go well. And you need to accept that, gracefully - tell him you understand, you just couldn't have lived with yourself if you didn't try, and you wish him well. Don't go all crazy girl 2.0 - I promise you that will not result in a positive outcome.

Honestly? Take this whole thing as a learning experience. And also: start looking at people who live near you when it comes to your next date.

Finally, since we can AYA: why, exactly, did you move?

OP, so far this is all about you and your feelings, of hurt, of loss, of love, etc. And so was the breakup--he was sick and YOU couldn't handle it. The point is that you are putting your feelings above his and that is not love, is insecurity, obsession and possessiveness. If you really cared about him in an unselfish and mature way, you would have flown out to see him when he was sick, offering to help him, and rescheduled the trip. Instead you freaked out. if I were dating someone who 4 months in couldn't handle disappointment and distance, I would end it.

Now, you want to show up because "you need to," but this is a very, very bad idea to do unannounced. Once again, its not about him, its about you. You are putting him in a horrible position--forcing him to deal with you, when he's already made it clear that he doesn't want to. If some guy I was dating and had ended it with did this to me, I'd freak the F out and assume they were truly mentally ill and possibly abusive/stalker. You do NOT want to be this person.

If you want to get back together, your best bet is to write him a letter with an apology and some insight into your own behavior, and to say that you'd like to try again, but that this time you will respect boundaries. Although it doesn't sound to me like you are actually able to do that.

Wrong. A guy doesn't block you to test your desire to reach him. He blocks you because you went bat shit crazy and he is done

Guy here. I think you should do it. You said you have family in the area to visit if he still wants to break up. I believe you should say things you mean to people you love. Nobody is offended by being told someone loves them even if they don't love them back. As long as you have planned out how you gracefully let it go if it doesn't work out then it is at worst case a learning experience and nothing to be ashamed of.

Anonymous wrote:Since you seem to have an impulsive personality ... Do you really think if he is not receptive to talking when you show up to his front door that you will just calmly leave? No, you will freak out, likely cause a scene and it will not be a good look for you.

Give him some space and time to enjoy the holidays. You do the same and then reassess in the new year when hopefully clearer heads will prevail.

NP here. The post above is very perceptive. OP, you seem to be picturing this as having some rom-com ending. But as PP points out, whatever image you have in your head of how this scene will play out, the reality is that you will have flown long distance to turn up on the doorstep so it's not likely you'll just turn around and leave if he tells you he isn't interested. If you can tell he's home but he won't answer the door, what then? Throw pebbles at his window until he opens it and you pledge your love to him through his open window--?

Can you see how you're pursuing this trip as if it's some movie plot where your dash to see him will seem so attractively romantic that he'll see the light and want you back? This is why so many on here are telling you not to do this. You need to grow some self-awareness and explore why you were so invested in his canceled visit that you immaturely freaked out when he got sick -- something he couldn't control, and which most adults would understand was a circumstance out of his, or your, control. If, as some PPs think, he might have faked illness to avoid his trip, well, you blew any chance at changing his mind when you freaked out on him. Either way, real pneumonia or fake illness, your reaction told him you're too intense for him and confirmed that you can't handle adversity in a relationship. Turning up on his doorstep after four months of dating will confirm that yet again.

New Year's resolutions: Stop dating anyone for a while. Get involved in some activities that focus you outward, like volunteering. Get more invested in your work. Get off dating sites. Work on being you without a boyfriend and even without dating, for a while.

You sound very self centered. I'm guessing that's why he broke it off

Does he have a bunny? Are you planning on bringing your own pot? Or do you think he'll have one suitable for boiling?

Anonymous wrote:Oooh. Bad form to fight with someone sick. If I were you I'd send an Edible Arrangements and an apology first. Then get a reservation at a fancy restaurant and ask him to meet you there rather than show up at his door.

Someone I was dating sending me an edible arrangement would be reason enough to break it off.

Op, are you bipolar? You sound manic. I just feel bad for you. You seem to lack any insight , impulse control, accountability, or maturity. You're 28. If you want to have any chance of having a serious relationship, you need to work on your mental health issues. People like you can be quite scary actually, because you cannot control your thoughts and as a result do dangerous and unexpected things.

This is going to go over about as well as a fart in church

Since you seem to have an impulsive personality ... Do you really think if he is not receptive to talking when you show up to his front door that you will just calmly leave? No, you will freak out, likely cause a scene and it will not be a good look for you.

Give him some space and time to enjoy the holidays. You do the same and then reassess in the new year when hopefully clearer heads will prevail.

When is this going down? I don’t want to miss it with the holidays!

OP, can you think of it as just not meant to be since you had a situation requiring you to move away, and he got sick with pneumonia when he was supposed to visit you? There is someone better for you. Focus on your own life and build your own happiness.

Anonymous wrote:PP just above with more to add. The way he handled it (blocking you) was disrespectful, but you freaking out on him was disrespectful too, making it all about you when (if) he had pneumonia. Now if you fly across the country and "surprise" him, that is even MORE disrespectful. There is no way a relationship can recover from this piling on of disrespect.

If it is meant to be, he'll calm down and reach out someday. You don't need to "regret it forever" if you don't do this horrible, crazy idea. I assure you that you'll regret it forever if you do it.

+1 Agree wirh everything PP said, both their posts. If he’s blocked you “onsll channels” then he really, really wants no contact and will not react well to your overture. How extreme was your reaction to his not coming, OP? Scary extreme? Because his reaction is pretty severe and maybe he was done with the relationship before he got sick (or, “sick”). He’s done - this will not go over well and you will regret I?t.

But you need to stop blaming yourself - this guy wasn’t as “all in” as you think, and you weren’t as compatible as you think if you spontaneously combusted so quickly.

Four months and he has blocked you? He does NOT want to see you. That has more to do with him than you, perhaps, but he has the right to break up with you. Respect that. He has already blocked you so you can be sure he doesn't want to see you.