Seriously, why in modern day, do people not value extended family? Why do you all want to live on an island with just your immediate family? Do you not want your kids to learn your family's history, your ancestors, family traditions? Do you want them to learn respect and love for their elders?
If you don't value this, they won't when they are adults.
You could end up a very lonely person in the nursing home, because your kids and grandkids are "too busy" to hang out with "controlling" grandma

Anonymous wrote:This is very common and important in my culture. Grandparents...especially grandmothers…want to form a different bond with their grandchildren outside of the parents. And yes in my culture you basically do give the grandma "whatever they want". Thats the honor of being the matriarch of the family.

I'm Irish and I too had a very close bond with my Grandmas. Some of my best childhood memories are with them.
You are blessed and fortunate to have a Grandma who wants to spend quality time with your child. Really, in the scheme of life, are early childhood sports or music classes more important or beneficial than time with Grandparents?

Can't you plan a monthly or quarterly sleepover at Grandma's? where you drop DD off on Friday evening and Grandma brings her home on Sat or Sunday? I do this with my girls and I am absolutely positive it enriches theirs and Grandma's life

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you ppl are complaining about free babysitters. Drop the kid off and come back in 2-3 days. Wow.

I know. Unless you don't trust the grandmother for some reason. I would drop the kid and make a break for it. You don't know how lucky you are. For me, one set of grandparents are not local and my mother still works and has a busy social life. I have to ask way in advance to get a few hours of babysitting. Embrace it!

I don't want or need free babysitting. I like seeing my kids on the weekend when I'm not working. Neither of our parents are local and it works just fine for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not accommodate that at all. My kid, my schedule. I don't understand the insistence on alone time either. It makes it 100 times more inconvenient.

How is it more inconvenient? You drop off the kid, then go to the gym, get coffee, go see a movie, grab lunch with a friend, take a nap, whatever. It would be more inconvenient to have to stay.

Because I *gasp* like spending time with my kids on the weekend! I know DCUM has trophy children they love to dump on others. Some of us had our kids to, you know, do things with them. And grandma is more than welcome to come along.

Yes, but you do have them the majority of weekends, right? Why not give Grandma some time to get to know their grandkids and vice versa. This is a benefit for your kids as well. I don't see why parents have to be so posessive and controlling. How many weekends are in a year? Surely, you can give a few weekends to grandma and still have the majority of time to spend with your kids.

It's clear from the OP that the OP does sometimes agree to these full-day playdates with Grandma. The issue is that the grandma is complaining about not seeing the child enough but also refusing to see her for anything other than a full day, which doesn't work all the time. Why do grandparents have to be so possessive and controlling?

Anonymous wrote:I don't know why you ppl are complaining about free babysitters. Drop the kid off and come back in 2-3 days. Wow.

I know. Unless you don't trust the grandmother for some reason. I would drop the kid and make a break for it. You don't know how lucky you are. For me, one set of grandparents are not local and my mother still works and has a busy social life. I have to ask way in advance to get a few hours of babysitting. Embrace it!

This is weird OP. I would only say yes to things you are ok with, don't bend more rules just to make Grandma happy.

But also use this to your advantage. Get out the school calendar and circle all the teacher work days. Sign your mom up for a few where she can take DD for the whole day, since you'll need care anyhow. It doesn't ahve to be every one, but maybe 3 a school year. Then your mom can plan her "all day fun" stuff with her on those days. Other times she brings stuff up say, "DD can't miss school so that won't work, but she's looking forward to seeing you Sunday with us! And of course next month for her teacher workday".

Then drop the guilt and let Gma deal with Gma's issues.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not accommodate that at all. My kid, my schedule. I don't understand the insistence on alone time either. It makes it 100 times more inconvenient.

How is it more inconvenient? You drop off the kid, then go to the gym, get coffee, go see a movie, grab lunch with a friend, take a nap, whatever. It would be more inconvenient to have to stay.

Because I *gasp* like spending time with my kids on the weekend! I know DCUM has trophy children they love to dump on others. Some of us had our kids to, you know, do things with them. And grandma is more than welcome to come along.

Yes, but you do have them the majority of weekends, right? Why not give Grandma some time to get to know their grandkids and vice versa. This is a benefit for your kids as well. I don't see why parents have to be so posessive and controlling. How many weekends are in a year? Surely, you can give a few weekends to grandma and still have the majority of time to spend with your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

She’s not really planning a special day, just normal seasonal activities from the sound of it. Nothing that would require a full day. And she’s turning down other opportunities to spend time with the child while lamenting not getting to spend time with her. It’s like a starving person turning down a sandwich because they want a 3 course meal. That’s what’s bizarre, not that the grandma wants to spend some time with a grandchild.

This. Perfect description.

Because with a full day you aren't rushed.

I'm an aunt but I prefer to spend time with my nieces & nephews without their parents becuase when their parents are around the a) turn in little horror shows that do nothing but pout and whine or

b) mo/dad coach them through entire conversations. it's a performance. I feel like I've gotten to them on our auntie days .

Then don’t complain about limited time. You get what you get if you’re going to put those restrictions on how you’ll visit someone else’s kids.

Also, coaching kids through conversations is how kids learn manners and social norms. It might not be a life lesson you want to help the kids learn, but it’s valuable nonetheless.

Fortunately, their parents aren't as uptight as you and I have no problems scheduling auntie days.

And hold off on your snug the conversation coaching is not about manners and social norms it's strictly the parents interjecting their thoughts and brags.

Well then, I’m glad what you’re doing works for you. Sorry your sibling is a braggart, but glad they’re simultaneously not uptight.

I stand by what I said earlier though. If someone demands specific amounts of time with someone else’s child, and turns down other offers they deem insufficient, they shouldn’t complain that they don’t get to see the kid often enough. If it were important enough, a few hours after school wouldn’t be scorned.

Insufferable control freak. PEople must think and act the way I wnt them too and you wonder why Grandma wants alone time, she can't stand you OP.

NP. How is OP the control freak in this scenario? The grandmother is taking the position that she must see OP's child on her terms or she doesn't want to see the child at all. It's pretty obnoxious to be a control freak about someone else's child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't really get this- do you not have a day every so often like 1 time per month or so that you guys don't want a break/ day off from parenting? Because that sounds pretty win-win to me.

What I don’t get is why the grandma needs to be alone all day? That’s really odd.

You don't get that the relationship is different when you are alone with your kids versus the mom or dad around? I don't see why the op can't give the mom a few hours once in a while. It will give the child a better and closer relationship with grandma. I wish my MIL and mom even wanted to spend time with my kids!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

She’s not really planning a special day, just normal seasonal activities from the sound of it. Nothing that would require a full day. And she’s turning down other opportunities to spend time with the child while lamenting not getting to spend time with her. It’s like a starving person turning down a sandwich because they want a 3 course meal. That’s what’s bizarre, not that the grandma wants to spend some time with a grandchild.

This. Perfect description.

+1

It's the insistence on a full day of "alone time," coupled with turning down other offers to spend time with the kid, like after school. And refusing to come over for dinner. I get wanting to have a special day together from time to time, but don't bitch that you don't get to see your grandchild when you are refusing to see your grandchild except on your specific terms. It's the all or nothing that's odd.

I say this as someone who has no problem with my kids spending a week at grandma's house during the summer. But if my mom insisted on seeing them in specific ways that didn't work for our schedule, and then refused to see them except in those ways, I wouldn't have a lot of sympathy for her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

She’s not really planning a special day, just normal seasonal activities from the sound of it. Nothing that would require a full day. And she’s turning down other opportunities to spend time with the child while lamenting not getting to spend time with her. It’s like a starving person turning down a sandwich because they want a 3 course meal. That’s what’s bizarre, not that the grandma wants to spend some time with a grandchild.

This. Perfect description.

Because with a full day you aren't rushed.

I'm an aunt but I prefer to spend time with my nieces & nephews without their parents becuase when their parents are around the a) turn in little horror shows that do nothing but pout and whine or

b) mo/dad coach them through entire conversations. it's a performance. I feel like I've gotten to them on our auntie days .

Then don’t complain about limited time. You get what you get if you’re going to put those restrictions on how you’ll visit someone else’s kids.

Also, coaching kids through conversations is how kids learn manners and social norms. It might not be a life lesson you want to help the kids learn, but it’s valuable nonetheless.

Fortunately, their parents aren't as uptight as you and I have no problems scheduling auntie days.

And hold off on your snug the conversation coaching is not about manners and social norms it's strictly the parents interjecting their thoughts and brags.

Well then, I’m glad what you’re doing works for you. Sorry your sibling is a braggart, but glad they’re simultaneously not uptight.

I stand by what I said earlier though. If someone demands specific amounts of time with someone else’s child, and turns down other offers they deem insufficient, they shouldn’t complain that they don’t get to see the kid often enough. If it were important enough, a few hours after school wouldn’t be scorned.

Insufferable control freak. PEople must think and act the way I wnt them too and you wonder why Grandma wants alone time, she can't stand you OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

She’s not really planning a special day, just normal seasonal activities from the sound of it. Nothing that would require a full day. And she’s turning down other opportunities to spend time with the child while lamenting not getting to spend time with her. It’s like a starving person turning down a sandwich because they want a 3 course meal. That’s what’s bizarre, not that the grandma wants to spend some time with a grandchild.

This. Perfect description.

Because with a full day you aren't rushed.

I'm an aunt but I prefer to spend time with my nieces & nephews without their parents becuase when their parents are around the a) turn in little horror shows that do nothing but pout and whine or

b) mo/dad coach them through entire conversations. it's a performance. I feel like I've gotten to them on our auntie days .

Then don’t complain about limited time. You get what you get if you’re going to put those restrictions on how you’ll visit someone else’s kids.

Also, coaching kids through conversations is how kids learn manners and social norms. It might not be a life lesson you want to help the kids learn, but it’s valuable nonetheless.

Fortunately, their parents aren't as uptight as you and I have no problems scheduling auntie days.

And hold off on your snug the conversation coaching is not about manners and social norms it's strictly the parents interjecting their thoughts and brags.

Well then, I’m glad what you’re doing works for you. Sorry your sibling is a braggart, but glad they’re simultaneously not uptight.

I stand by what I said earlier though. If someone demands specific amounts of time with someone else’s child, and turns down other offers they deem insufficient, they shouldn’t complain that they don’t get to see the kid often enough. If it were important enough, a few hours after school wouldn’t be scorned.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

She’s not really planning a special day, just normal seasonal activities from the sound of it. Nothing that would require a full day. And she’s turning down other opportunities to spend time with the child while lamenting not getting to spend time with her. It’s like a starving person turning down a sandwich because they want a 3 course meal. That’s what’s bizarre, not that the grandma wants to spend some time with a grandchild.

This. Perfect description.

Because with a full day you aren't rushed.

I'm an aunt but I prefer to spend time with my nieces & nephews without their parents becuase when their parents are around the a) turn in little horror shows that do nothing but pout and whine or

b) mo/dad coach them through entire conversations. it's a performance. I feel like I've gotten to them on our auntie days .

Then don’t complain about limited time. You get what you get if you’re going to put those restrictions on how you’ll visit someone else’s kids.

Also, coaching kids through conversations is how kids learn manners and social norms. It might not be a life lesson you want to help the kids learn, but it’s valuable nonetheless.

Fortunately, their parents aren't as uptight as you and I have no problems scheduling auntie days.

And hold off on your snug the conversation coaching is not about manners and social norms it's strictly the parents interjecting their thoughts and brags.

I really don't see the problem. I spent every August with my grandmother. It was great. I'm hoping my mother will take my kids for at least a week each summer, she can actually have them for the summer if she wants. I'm close with both my mother and grandmother. They are integral. Side note I know a lot of my "kinks" or things my mom thought was cute but the rest of the world prob didn't were fixed in a loving way by my grandmother. I still call my grandmother for advice. She's the best as is my mother.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, her demand for all or nothing is bizarre. When you ask her why she only wants to be alone with dad for hours and hours, what does she say?

OH please, there is nothing, bizarre, wrong, or creepy about a grandmother wanting to have a special day alone with her granddaughter.
Some of you people really need help!

She’s not really planning a special day, just normal seasonal activities from the sound of it. Nothing that would require a full day. And she’s turning down other opportunities to spend time with the child while lamenting not getting to spend time with her. It’s like a starving person turning down a sandwich because they want a 3 course meal. That’s what’s bizarre, not that the grandma wants to spend some time with a grandchild.

This. Perfect description.

Because with a full day you aren't rushed.

I'm an aunt but I prefer to spend time with my nieces & nephews without their parents becuase when their parents are around the a) turn in little horror shows that do nothing but pout and whine or

b) mo/dad coach them through entire conversations. it's a performance. I feel like I've gotten to them on our auntie days .

Then don’t complain about limited time. You get what you get if you’re going to put those restrictions on how you’ll visit someone else’s kids.

Also, coaching kids through conversations is how kids learn manners and social norms. It might not be a life lesson you want to help the kids learn, but it’s valuable nonetheless.