Anonymous
11/26/2017 21:19
Subject: Re:Locked Door - What would you do?
Anonymous wrote:
Providing nutritious food, a safe and clean home, a non-abusive and supportive family, access to medical care, access to appropriate clothings for the weather, safety and security, access to education and a school access to an environment that is safe, loving, secure, encouraging and enriched - these are what parents need to provide.
However, a door is a privilege. A computer,phone, device, laptop is a privilege. Eating out in a restaurant is a privilege. Brand name clothes, christmas present is a privilege. And you can take away these privileges.
Umm, you do know most students need these to get their homework done. So, I'd move these over to the need rather than privilege column.
Anonymous
11/26/2017 20:37
Subject: Re:Locked Door - What would you do?
Anonymous wrote:
Providing nutritious food, a safe and clean home, a non-abusive and supportive family, access to medical care, access to appropriate clothings for the weather, safety and security, access to education and a school access to an environment that is safe, loving, secure, encouraging and enriched - these are what parents need to provide.
However, a door is a privilege. A computer, phone, device, laptop is a privilege. Eating out in a restaurant is a privilege. Brand name clothes, christmas present is a privilege. And you can take away these privileges.
You know what? You are so sure of yourself here, that my guess is you don't have teens yet.
Anonymous
11/26/2017 20:23
Subject: Locked Door - What would you do?
17 is different than 13.
A serious issue, like a health and safety risk, is different than situation where everyone is in a bad mood and a discussion about a bad test grade goes off the rails. The first one needs to be dealt with now. So you unlock the door and deal with it. The second one, you tell the kid that you take them a lot more seriously without the 13 year old drama. And that when they have calmed down, you need to finish the conversation. Which will happen before — insert what they want to do here.
I don’t get the power play over the locked door. I have the thing to pothe lock. I can open the door at any point. I know it. They know it. A power struggle over it gets in the way of solving the actual problem.
A serious issue, like a health and safety risk, is different than situation where everyone is in a bad mood and a discussion about a bad test grade goes off the rails. The first one needs to be dealt with now. So you unlock the door and deal with it. The second one, you tell the kid that you take them a lot more seriously without the 13 year old drama. And that when they have calmed down, you need to finish the conversation. Which will happen before — insert what they want to do here.
I don’t get the power play over the locked door. I have the thing to pothe lock. I can open the door at any point. I know it. They know it. A power struggle over it gets in the way of solving the actual problem.
Anonymous
11/26/2017 18:14
Subject: Locked Door - What would you do?
You are getting lots of good advice. Unless I missed it you haven’t come back to share what precipitated the lock out. I agree with the pp who said it depends. There’s a balance to be achieved of giving your kid privacy and the room to process the demands on him in his own way AND requiring mutual respect, truthfulness and communication. Just as punishments should fit the crime, so too should your reaction. I might offer a warning during a calm moment that if it happens again you’ll change the doorknob to one of those “dummy knobs” typically found on closets that don’t latch or even turn.
Anonymous
11/26/2017 18:04
Subject: Locked Door - What would you do?
Anonymous wrote:Depends on what precipitated it. I know in the heat of an argument I can be too much for my teen. I’m a talker and I don’t always recognize when to back down. My oldest is a pouter. She’d want to retreat to her room and sadly I agree that I don’t always give her that space and might follow still talking or issuing my demands. Stalemate - I could see her wanting to lock me out so she can process the situation in peace! My younger teen is an argumentative type. She might want to lock herself in before she says something she’d regret. In many situations I would think either of them locking the door might be a way to end something before it gets worse on their part or my part. Then again, locking to be evasive or if there was a possibility of them doing something dangerous would be totally different. I could also see a teen feeling the need to lock a door if they felt threatened physically.
Without knowing your scenario, I couldn’t say.
Agree with this pp. My mom never knew when to back down and I would usually escape to my room to deal with it.
Anonymous
11/26/2017 17:52
Subject: Re:Locked Door - What would you do?
Providing nutritious food, a safe and clean home, a non-abusive and supportive family, access to medical care, access to appropriate clothings for the weather, safety and security, access to education and a school access to an environment that is safe, loving, secure, encouraging and enriched - these are what parents need to provide.
However, a door is a privilege. A computer, phone, device, laptop is a privilege. Eating out in a restaurant is a privilege. Brand name clothes, christmas present is a privilege. And you can take away these privileges.
Anonymous
11/26/2017 17:48
Subject: Locked Door - What would you do?
So what happened OP?