Sounds like schools with low farms

I'm OP re-upping this thread since we are heading into the last part of the school year.

Your kids have grown so much. I can't believe these are the same hooligans who entered my class in August. Then again, considering one ordered a pizza to our field trip site the other day, maybe I can.

(I had to try to be serious about it but I was laughing my head off. These kids just tickle me to death.)

They're chafing a bit more these days at boundaries and restrictions. They are *so close* to graduation and freedom. They can reach out and touch it. I remind them to look forward to the future but enjoy the time at home too. Never again will they get to be a child living daily life in their home with their nuclear family. And to be mindful that for their parents this is a very poignant time in life.

They are on the verge of such a wonderful precipice. Their whole lives lie ahead- a vast veldt of opportunity and experience and wonder and pain. What a gift it is to experience that sense of possibility again through their eyes. They still have every chance in the work to be anyone they want to be, to do anything at all they want to.

You're still doing a good job. This is a bittersweet time of year as we face the end of our time together and you move one step closer to them leaving. I get it.

Anonymous wrote:All I can say is if you leave the heavy lifting of parenting and maintaining life up to mom, the kids notice. They will know exactly how much she does and both appreciate her for it and resent that so much is laid upon her alone. If you divorce, be mindful of sticking around-physically and emotionally/mentally. It seems to be a common thing that divorce happens, dad moves on, and kids feel left behind/unwanted and know what a burden it is on their mom to take it all up.

Remember they are kids and even if you're trying to make them resilient and strong adults, they do also need their parents to occasionally just be proud of them. If you're pushing them for good grades or making a sport or getting into a school, I as an adult get that it's because you want what's best for them. But it can make them feel unliked, unappreciated, and not good enough.

In the vaguest, most general of terms, these seem to be the most persistent things that kids struggle with in re: dads. They do NOT mention these characteristics in relation to moms, for whatever that's worth.

I once saw a documentary on the unique contribution that only fathers can make and that was validation. Moms can validate too but it does not carry as much weight as when coming from dad because kids subconsciously feel that mom loves me no matter what but dad's love/validation has to be earned.

As a divorced mom, much of what you say above post-divorce rings true and I feel so bad that I cannot give my kids the dad they (I think) deserve. Makes me feel like I failed them in a major way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to my DS teacher conferences (Middle school) a d had so many delightful comments by teachers. English told me he was hilarious and she can count on him to lighten the mood when she needs it. Science said he was the most natural born leader he had taught in his 8 years. One new teacher proclaim DS did whatever he wanted to do and "she could teach the class better if he was not in it". DS is too social and we punish/work with him quite a bit at home (more than siblings) But I appreciate so much that most his teachers see the positive (when they don't have to) and create a great environment for him. And to the teacher that doesn't--your loss for only wanting to teach the kids within the rails.

OH FFS, the teacher was giving honest feedback. Would you prefer he just make shit up to stroke your ego? Glad you’re ‘working’ on your kid. The teacher was just making the point that your kid still needs some work.

I'm OP. I guess it's true that some kids "need more work" but I go into conferences assuming the parent knows that. Most of them are clearly involved and caring parents - I have no reason to treat them as if they're dropping the ball. If we talk about academics, that's one thing. It's easy to show where organization or whatever could be improved. I would never tell a parent my class would be easier to teach without their child. It's also the case that even the little rascals who require a bit more, uh, "supervision" DO have really great qualities that make them fun to have in the class.

If I am being 100% honest it's the quirky kids like that who make teaching so great. I do admire the hard worker bees who sit quietly and do a great job on their work, but not every kid can be like that and I don't fault them for it. School can be a hard place to try to fit into 7 hours a day, 5 days a week year in and year out. I like when the kids trust me enough to come to my room and just be themselves for 90 minutes knowing it's okay. I've got a good rapport with those kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to my DS teacher conferences (Middle school) a d had so many delightful comments by teachers. English told me he was hilarious and she can count on him to lighten the mood when she needs it. Science said he was the most natural born leader he had taught in his 8 years. One new teacher proclaim DS did whatever he wanted to do and "she could teach the class better if he was not in it". DS is too social and we punish/work with him quite a bit at home (more than siblings) But I appreciate so much that most his teachers see the positive (when they don't have to) and create a great environment for him. And to the teacher that doesn't--your loss for only wanting to teach the kids within the rails.

OH FFS, the teacher was giving honest feedback. Would you prefer he just make shit up to stroke your ego? Glad you’re ‘working’ on your kid. The teacher was just making the point that your kid still needs some work.

Go to a different thread, I'll stick with OP.

Anonymous wrote:I went to my DS teacher conferences (Middle school) a d had so many delightful comments by teachers. English told me he was hilarious and she can count on him to lighten the mood when she needs it. Science said he was the most natural born leader he had taught in his 8 years. One new teacher proclaim DS did whatever he wanted to do and "she could teach the class better if he was not in it". DS is too social and we punish/work with him quite a bit at home (more than siblings) But I appreciate so much that most his teachers see the positive (when they don't have to) and create a great environment for him. And to the teacher that doesn't--your loss for only wanting to teach the kids within the rails.

This was our DS in MS. At age 16, he requested ADHD testing and received a pretty clear cut diagnosis. Not knowing much about it, I was surprised to learn that excessive classroom talking is one sign (obviously others must be there too). The smarter the kid, the later they can be diagnosed.

Anonymous wrote:I went to my DS teacher conferences (Middle school) a d had so many delightful comments by teachers. English told me he was hilarious and she can count on him to lighten the mood when she needs it. Science said he was the most natural born leader he had taught in his 8 years. One new teacher proclaim DS did whatever he wanted to do and "she could teach the class better if he was not in it". DS is too social and we punish/work with him quite a bit at home (more than siblings) But I appreciate so much that most his teachers see the positive (when they don't have to) and create a great environment for him. And to the teacher that doesn't--your loss for only wanting to teach the kids within the rails.

OH FFS, the teacher was giving honest feedback. Would you prefer he just make shit up to stroke your ego? Glad you’re ‘working’ on your kid. The teacher was just making the point that your kid still needs some work.

I went to my DS teacher conferences (Middle school) a d had so many delightful comments by teachers. English told me he was hilarious and she can count on him to lighten the mood when she needs it. Science said he was the most natural born leader he had taught in his 8 years. One new teacher proclaim DS did whatever he wanted to do and "she could teach the class better if he was not in it". DS is too social and we punish/work with him quite a bit at home (more than siblings) But I appreciate so much that most his teachers see the positive (when they don't have to) and create a great environment for him. And to the teacher that doesn't--your loss for only wanting to teach the kids within the rails.

All I can say is if you leave the heavy lifting of parenting and maintaining life up to mom, the kids notice. They will know exactly how much she does and both appreciate her for it and resent that so much is laid upon her alone. If you divorce, be mindful of sticking around-physically and emotionally/mentally. It seems to be a common thing that divorce happens, dad moves on, and kids feel left behind/unwanted and know what a burden it is on their mom to take it all up.

Remember they are kids and even if you're trying to make them resilient and strong adults, they do also need their parents to occasionally just be proud of them. If you're pushing them for good grades or making a sport or getting into a school, I as an adult get that it's because you want what's best for them. But it can make them feel unliked, unappreciated, and not good enough.

In the vaguest, most general of terms, these seem to be the most persistent things that kids struggle with in re: dads. They do NOT mention these characteristics in relation to moms, for whatever that's worth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I teach in suburbia. Some of my kids are pretty affluent, others are average. I don't particularly want to share the specifics of things they say about their dads, not only because I value the trust they placed in me when they shared these things, but also because despite one poster's fixation on himself this thread was never about dads or men. It was about how awesome the kids themselves are. So I'd like the thread to remain in that spirit and not devolve into some small man's Thanksgiving distraction.

Thanks OP. Your post was lovely to read.

I understand this thread isn’t about dads (or moms). But are there any bits of advice you would give your DH as your own children grow up? Not breaking confidences but anything generalizable?

Yes, please!

Thank you OP,

This post made me cry.my dd is 9 years old and I hope she will end up with teachers like you.Epically the gold fish part.The innocent of childhood mixed with becoming an adult is a great eye opening moment.Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy your weekend.

Thank you!

Anonymous wrote:No, I teach in suburbia. Some of my kids are pretty affluent, others are average. I don't particularly want to share the specifics of things they say about their dads, not only because I value the trust they placed in me when they shared these things, but also because despite one poster's fixation on himself this thread was never about dads or men. It was about how awesome the kids themselves are. So I'd like the thread to remain in that spirit and not devolve into some small man's Thanksgiving distraction.

Thanks OP. Your post was lovely to read.

I understand this thread isn’t about dads (or moms). But are there any bits of advice you would give your DH as your own children grow up? Not breaking confidences but anything generalizable?

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, OP. Your kind words made me tear up too. I have a senior son on the verge of going to college next year, and I see so much of what you were saying in him. At once, he's both a child and a man. And the part about pulling out a baggie of goldfish... oh my. That really got me!

I fervently hope you're one of his teachers. Thank you for seeing all the good in our kids!

+1 The baggie of goldfish got me, too.

My son has a few teachers like you. It's refreshing to send him somewhere he's not just a face in the crowd. It's great to have the discussions with him over breakfast about what happened in a class or two the day before, or what they discussed.

Have a good weekend OP.