Anonymous wrote:Have another kid - issue over.

Oh yes, definitely bring another living being into the world so you won't be judged by idiots.

I'm the mom of an only (due to secondary infertility) and I definitely feel judged and left out of things due to having one child, mainly by the cliquey moms at preschool, where we are the only only child family. I know that I'm left out of class get togethers, etc. and I have had so many of the moms ask why "we only have one."

I wouldn't say I've ever "been made fun of" but I definitely feel judged and left out of things. It's sad because having an only was not our choice but it's the way things worked out and I'm trying to make the best of it. And my daughter loves being an only, so that makes me feel better.

People are judgmental as is clearly indicated on this discussion board. The question is, why do you care? You are free to make whatever decision you deem appropriate for your family, not everyone is going to agree.

I have any only child who is now 8 and I've only felt judged about it by this one older (and clearly insane) woman at work. No one else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am mom to an only and never felt judged, really. Some well meaning but not so smart people would tell me that I should have another child, but I just laugh it all off. I secretly judge parents of multiples but would never show it to them.

One kid good two kids bad, right? My favorite is people who claim that they only had one child for environmental reasons. We didn’t actually need any more people in the world- but thanks for playing.

Yep I have heard the overpopulation environmental concerns before...

Anonymous wrote:One child here and tried for ten years for a second. When people ask me why we didn't have a second or third child, I smile sweetly and say: "CPS took the others away." Nothing ends an obnoxious inquiry faster. It also reduces sleepovers at our house.

LOL!! This is awesome.

I recognize that as a parent of one, I sometimes have it easier than parents of more than one. I'm quick to acknowledge that. I know it's easier for me to get to the gym because I'm only managing one kid's activities.

That said, I'm a single parent so all the stress of running a household and being financially solvent is on me. Most of the parents of multiples I know are married, often to men who are the breadwinner. My co-parent deploys frequently and when he's gone, everything is on me. Even with one kid, that can be a lot.

One child here and tried for ten years for a second. When people ask me why we didn't have a second or third child, I smile sweetly and say: "CPS took the others away." Nothing ends an obnoxious inquiry faster. It also reduces sleepovers at our house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the past week I think I've been a part of at least three conversations in which parents of only children are judged. I just don't understand how it's considered okay to do this.

np Actually, I judge them way less than the people who have 4 + kids. We all live on the same planet and it is not responsible to keep having kids when the planet may not be able to support us all.

Feel happy now?

Lol...totally agree. I make some fairly negative assumptions about people with 4+ kids.

OP = troll

I came from a large family, but only have one child. I do not judge parents with many or few children. However, I do have sympathy for parents of multiples, because I find it hard enough to raise one child.

What I hear most from parents of two or more regarding only children is that they use a child's status as an only child to blame any slight behavioral issue. But if their own child has any such issues there's an explanation about why that is the case and it pretty much never has to do with the way they parent or anything related to their own family choices.

I'm a parent of an only and I hear people make comments all the time in my presence about other families with one child. I just figure if it makes them feel better about their own situation then whatever. The ones who most often do this are the ones who usually have trouble handling their own kids. The other thing that I hear a lot is people marveling at how my child "shares so well for an only". I work full time so he has been in childcare with other kids since he was 12 weeks old and *somehow* learned how to interact with other children even though he doesn't have any siblings. Imagine that.

Anonymous wrote:I am the parent of an only child. That was not our plan; we wanted two kids. But my DW had two miscarriages after DD was born. We tried to adopt after the second, but a few months into the process I was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. The social worker we were working with said that it would be disqualifying.

DD is now a HS student. Socially, there are huge disadvantage to being an only child: many of the conflict resolution skills she would have developed with a sibling are undeveloped.

Don't worry, my three kids are very adept at constant bickering and also seem to have no conflict resolution skills.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait until you hear the judgement when you start having three or more kid. Or boys. Or a girl who likes princess stuff. Or juice at soccer games...

OP here. I have four kids.

Then rest assured that the childless, parents of onlies and some parents of two are judging you as much as not more than those three conversations you had recently.

This is the point. I am sure they are. But it's CRAZY to me. I mean, there's almost nothing more personal than family planning issues. And I rarely say this, but who the F are we to judge others decisions/situations in this regard? There are soooo many factors in those decisions.

the whole point of judging is to judge personal decisions. what else are people going to judge?

Anonymous wrote:... to be clear, not judged by their parenting, but by the mere fact that they must be bad parents because they only have one child.

I have 3 kids and am financially secure, so I can afford to take care of them. I had some random person tell me I should have stopped at two. I was shocked. It really goes both ways, just let it go.