You deal with it this year but let everyone know future holidays are at your house and all are welcome. You plan a summer vist to the grandparents.

when we had our 2nd child.

My first husband was Jewish so I used to go back to my hometown without him. I finally put my foot down when my older DD was almost 6 because we were half-assedly celebrating Jewish holidays in the home without any accommodation for me and DD. He actually ended up more into the trappings (tree, presents, music) than we were. However, it was the only Christian holiday he tolerated. I once rented a hotel suite to have Easter because I couldn’t get off work to go to my hometown.

Being able to celebrate Christmas in my own home was invaluable. It took most of the stress out of the season since I no longer had to manage travel alone with a young child and present-laden luggage.

Anonymous wrote:The year we got married. Had to start right away or we'd be setting a precedent that would cause hard feelings when broken.

+1. I made it clear to my husband when we were dating that I wanted Christmases to be at home. We now have kids and it's never been an issue. We do Christmas Eve with his parents and his sister and her family because they're local but we do not go anywhere on Christmas day. Some people are fine traveling, I'm not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 18 years, tween kids, and still drive to see family 4 hours away every year. It's our"normal". Kids love to spend time with cousins, and we like to visit with family. NBD.

But when your kids get married and the grandparents are gone you won't have one single holiday tradition at your house to fall back on. Your kids won't have anywhere to go for Christmas and won't come to your house. This happened to me.

Huh? According to this pattern, when your kids get married and have kids, they won't come to your house anyway, because they will want Christmas in their own home.

Also, I will absolutely have holiday traditions to fall back on. My traditions are not location-dependent. I can still bake cookies, have a Christmas tree, decorate the house, prepare a nice meal--just as I do now. My kids will absolutely be able to come home for Christmas, and enjoy the same activities that we currently do at the grandparents' house.

We have this similar arrangement and we are HUGE on traditions in our house- most of them are just add ons from the matriarch before really. I do my traditions in my mom's house easily, it feels like home for me and for DH even, I think family relationships are A HUGE factor in this, there is no awful and no perfect ways to do this

Are you not having to rotate to your inlaws? I would love to see just my family every year and wouldn't ever have an issue with it. My mom and I have the same Christmas traditions.

I'm sorry that wasn't clear- we do xmas every other year at my home town (same as my sibling who is married so we all line up)- for DH's family year the plan changes since they aren't really big on holidays or traditions or intergenerational stuff. In fact I am usually the one sort of nudging that stuff with my MIL and my kids so she feels like they have special things, because I know she enjoys it, she just wasn't raised with a whole lot of love/affection/traditions kind of things so she didn't impart it that much to her boys. So weirdly enough I am probably more "in charge" of traditions at my in laws, but I way prefer being with my family that sort of passed them down/added on. My kids will probably have xmas at their home on some of the DH family years actually- since we are half way between his brother and his mom (both have to fly). And we will probably end up doing a beach vacation one of the years too on his side because we keep talking about that.

Yeah I'd be wary of never having any of your own nuclear christmases. My ex always went to his grandparents or an aunts house. Fast forward 25 years and grandparents were gone, aunts go to their own kids houses and dh and his siblings went to their inlaws. They all knew their parents didn't do anything in Christmas Eve or have a meal Christmas Day.

I think it's important for my kids to see their parents carving a turkey once in a while and to know we have special holiday dishes. Otherwise we're just guests at mom and mils holidays with no input whatsoever.

Anonymous wrote:Once we had our first child. We might travel,after Christmas, but Christmas Day is for our kids to run downstairs and see what Santa brought them.

+1 ... both sets of grandparents are divorced, all 4 live in different parts of the country, as do each of our siblings ... so we stay put and if anyone wants to see us they come to us.

Once we had our first child. We might travel,after Christmas, but Christmas Day is for our kids to run downstairs and see what Santa brought them.

Once my son was 1 years old. To me it was important that Christmas be in our house, and that we do not have to chose between families. We invite everyone over Christmas Day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 18 years, tween kids, and still drive to see family 4 hours away every year. It's our"normal". Kids love to spend time with cousins, and we like to visit with family. NBD.

But when your kids get married and the grandparents are gone you won't have one single holiday tradition at your house to fall back on. Your kids won't have anywhere to go for Christmas and won't come to your house. This happened to me.

Huh? According to this pattern, when your kids get married and have kids, they won't come to your house anyway, because they will want Christmas in their own home.

Also, I will absolutely have holiday traditions to fall back on. My traditions are not location-dependent. I can still bake cookies, have a Christmas tree, decorate the house, prepare a nice meal--just as I do now. My kids will absolutely be able to come home for Christmas, and enjoy the same activities that we currently do at the grandparents' house.

We have this similar arrangement and we are HUGE on traditions in our house- most of them are just add ons from the matriarch before really. I do my traditions in my mom's house easily, it feels like home for me and for DH even, I think family relationships are A HUGE factor in this, there is no awful and no perfect ways to do this

Are you not having to rotate to your inlaws? I would love to see just my family every year and wouldn't ever have an issue with it. My mom and I have the same Christmas traditions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Married 18 years, tween kids, and still drive to see family 4 hours away every year. It's our"normal". Kids love to spend time with cousins, and we like to visit with family. NBD.

But when your kids get married and the grandparents are gone you won't have one single holiday tradition at your house to fall back on. Your kids won't have anywhere to go for Christmas and won't come to your house. This happened to me.

Huh? According to this pattern, when your kids get married and have kids, they won't come to your house anyway, because they will want Christmas in their own home.

Also, I will absolutely have holiday traditions to fall back on. My traditions are not location-dependent. I can still bake cookies, have a Christmas tree, decorate the house, prepare a nice meal--just as I do now. My kids will absolutely be able to come home for Christmas, and enjoy the same activities that we currently do at the grandparents' house.

We have this similar arrangement and we are HUGE on traditions in our house- most of them are just add ons from the matriarch before really. I do my traditions in my mom's house easily, it feels like home for me and for DH even, I think family relationships are A HUGE factor in this, there is no awful and no perfect ways to do this

Probably never will. Its par for the course of blended families I think- if we all go to my mom and step dad then no one has to choose between their kids/ siblings, etc. We all rotate every other year with our spouses and (well 1 set actually doesn't rotate ever) and then we are all together every other year on christmas.

Its just about priorities and neither are better or worse- plenty of kids get to have "their magic christmas" at home and plenty have it at other family homes

The first Christmas after we were married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh? According to this pattern, when your kids get married and have kids, they won't come to your house anyway, because they will want Christmas in their own home.

Also, I will absolutely have holiday traditions to fall back on. My traditions are not location-dependent. I can still bake cookies, have a Christmas tree, decorate the house, prepare a nice meal--just as I do now. My kids will absolutely be able to come home for Christmas, and enjoy the same activities that we currently do at the grandparents' house.

This works if you have a role and a say in how Christmas unfolds at your parents' or in-laws. If you are at the mercy of the hosts' view of how Christmas should be done, and you are practically just a guest and a bystander, it's not that easy.

This! So many of us are bystanders to Christmas. Especially in an inlaws house. At my parents home I do have control and get to give input on what we eat and I make sure to include my dh and kids. Inlaws don't include me or grandkids at all. Their 7pm dinner is past my kids bedtime and they're miserable even. Sometimes there isn't no magic at parents houses.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stayed home once I had kids.

I want my kids to remember Christmas morning in their family home.

4 hours is a short enough drive that you can leave early afternoon and have Christmas dinner with the extended family and have Christmas morning at your house. That’s what I did growing up.

That sounds miserable. So kids get a quickie Christmas morning and then pack into the car for a long drive? Sounds like a great way to have them associate Christmas with a long and boring car ride. One of the best parts of Christmas is just hanging out and relaxing. Can't imagine subjecting my kids to that.

We frequently do this and my DCs don't mind it at all. We spend several hours at home on Christmas morning, then they choose their favorite new toys to show their cousins and we hit the road around lunch time. They're up at 6:00 in the morning, so that's a solid 6 hours of Christmas fun in our house. Then they're so excited to open presents all over again at their grandparents' house the car ride flies by. Plus we watch Christmas movies in the car.

To answer OP's question, we started having Christmas morning in our house when DC #1 was 5. It just got to be too much hassle and the last year we went the weather was awful during the drive.

Anything more than a 45 min drive on Christmas sounds wretched. We do so much schlepping as it is.