Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely hate it when one or two people decide to order bottles of wine or appetizers “for the table” and then expect everyone to share the cost. It’s obnoxious. If you want it, order it, and then pay for it. Let everyone else do the same.

I agree this is obnoxious. It is as obnoxious as someone that itemizes a check down to the nickel during a meal where this didn't happen and everyone is roughly within 20 bucks of each other.

I loathe the itemizers OP, and I also tend to overpay than underpay. It speaks of a great lack of generosity. IMO the spirit of the event should be that all the friends want it to be easy and equitable. So if someone orders a bottle of wine then they volunteer to chip in more at the end, but getting into the details is annoying and awkward. I would prefer people on a budget just pick a less expensive restaurant.

As someone who is on a budget, I'd rather go to a nicer place but order strategically (itemize and order say an entree and a glass of water for myself) than subsidize meals and drinks at a cheaper restaurant I don't like as much.

At the expense of the comfort of your co-diners. If you want to itemize, figure out a way to do it in a way that doesn't make the table awkward.

I think when people do this it means they've been counting. And that colors the entire meal. Knowing someone has been monitoring the dollar amount of my meal and measuring it against their own and thinking about how to bring it up at the end. Which sometimes makes me alter what I order to try to be more in line with the person I'm with if I know they're like that. It makes the meal uncomfortable. So if you want to eat at a shi shi place and itemize then ask for separate bills up front or always bring cash and figure out how to round up quickly.

I think its really rude to itemize, it turns the entire outing into an accounting exercise. I always throw in more than I think I owe or split it evenly because I'm happy to be out with people I enjoy spending time with and the only person/people I'm concerned about is myself.

If your friend is on a budget such that she has to choose a cheaper entree and not order alcohol or appetizers and add up the cost of everything, that is a bummer FOR HER. How are you possibly making it into an insult to you? Your friend is trying to maintain a friendship with someone who is wealthier by ordering carefully, and can't afford to blow her mortgage payment on stuff she didn't order as the cost of maintaining a friendship, and you're going to call HER lacking in empathy? Good lord.

Now, of course, if you have independent, verified knowledge that your friend has plenty of money (like you are her accountant), then OK, call her cheap and stop being her friend. But people rarely know anybody else's financial situation that well. It's better to assume your friend is itemizing out of necessity, and not take it as a personal insult.

Anonymous wrote:My friends all tend to split the bill evenly but I make sure to pipe up and say "hey, I got more wine, so I'm adding in an extra ten. Kathy, you didn't get very much so don't put in as much." I'm also quite aware of who is on a tighter budget and am sensitive to whether they are overpaying.

if I or we haven't ordered more and its even or even if we've ordered less , we keep our mouth shut and share.

This is pretty standard when I go out with my friends. People know what they purchased and should adjust accordingly.

I would have no problem with this person requesting her own check when they go out but it is the fact that she doesn't ask for own check and instead tries to dictate with others do.
If everyone else is fine splitting then she gets her own check or doesn't get invited. Everyone has paid more than their fare share from time to time and most have also paid less on occasion.

I once read a Miss Manner's, or similar, that said part of what you are paying for is the company so everything doesn't need to be even payment-wise.

I used to have this great group of friends who went out every Friday. Often we would all overpay. Someone would just keep the extra $ and bring it the next week to put in the pot. It was great.
Unless you are really struggling, it is just money and if an extra $10 or $20 from time to time is going to break your bank maybe you shouldn't be going out. And if it is an extra $10 or $20 every time I think you should look for new friends.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a large group of friends i go with and they're always ordering 3-4 appetizers for the table. I don't want these, nor do most of the other women. It's kind of unfair that we all get stuck splitting these.

Have you ever actually, you know, said anything?

. . .and tell the waitress you want a separate check.

Say that you might have to leave early, order what you want and then ask the waiter for a separate check to be brought to you. The rest of the women can then ask for separate checks for themselves if that is what they would like to do.

Making it a habit to routinely order more than everyone else and expecting everyone else to split the cost of your meal, is sort of rude, IMO.

The key here is if she expressed interest in the apps and then ate them.

I often say I am not going to partake in appetizers (or alcohol) and then don't help pay for those items in the end. I could be your friend!

Ask for separate checks and order appetizers for yourself. If she reaches for one, slap her hand away.

If you order appetizers for the table, is she eating them?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely hate it when one or two people decide to order bottles of wine or appetizers “for the table” and then expect everyone to share the cost. It’s obnoxious. If you want it, order it, and then pay for it. Let everyone else do the same.

I agree this is obnoxious. It is as obnoxious as someone that itemizes a check down to the nickel during a meal where this didn't happen and everyone is roughly within 20 bucks of each other.

I loathe the itemizers OP, and I also tend to overpay than underpay. It speaks of a great lack of generosity. IMO the spirit of the event should be that all the friends want it to be easy and equitable. So if someone orders a bottle of wine then they volunteer to chip in more at the end, but getting into the details is annoying and awkward. I would prefer people on a budget just pick a less expensive restaurant.

As someone who is on a budget, I'd rather go to a nicer place but order strategically (itemize and order say an entree and a glass of water for myself) than subsidize meals and drinks at a cheaper restaurant I don't like as much.

At the expense of the comfort of your co-diners. If you want to itemize, figure out a way to do it in a way that doesn't make the table awkward.

I think when people do this it means they've been counting. And that colors the entire meal. Knowing someone has been monitoring the dollar amount of my meal and measuring it against their own and thinking about how to bring it up at the end. Which sometimes makes me alter what I order to try to be more in line with the person I'm with if I know they're like that. It makes the meal uncomfortable. So if you want to eat at a shi shi place and itemize then ask for separate bills up front or always bring cash and figure out how to round up quickly.

I think its really rude to itemize, it turns the entire outing into an accounting exercise. I always throw in more than I think I owe or split it evenly because I'm happy to be out with people I enjoy spending time with and the only person/people I'm concerned about is myself.

OP, ask the waiter to just separate her entree and/or drink, and the rest of you can share the bill. I think she is just a special case. I'm surprised you call her your friend. She wants it to be certain way. then let her. Leave her out of figuring out the rest of the check. If she does take a few bites out of the appetizers, she should throw in some cash for your check or offer to tip more on hers.
How's her tipping?
I'm a DCUM resident waiter and people ask to separate tabs all the time. Most of the separated tabs are withing few bucks of each other. Why not just let me charge all cards evenly (easier than separating checks), and you all figure it out by some tipping more and some less or nothing. But more importantly, who counts the $2-$3 you might overpay? If few bucks is so important, why not stay home or go to McDonalds that's up the street.
I have too many "jokes" to tell you. They are not funny though. One day I'll just scream: " get the fuk out, I'll pay for the $20 tab and tip myself too". I have no problem paying for the $20 instead of separating it 4 ways, and tipping myself as long as people like them won't come back, but they will.
Best part is when people pay half cash and half credit card. They only tip on the credit card part. Then they say how great the service was.
OP, dump your friend.

OP, I don't drink ever...so it is really rude of people who do drink and get desserts and appetizers to expect others to support their habits. You are the one who sounds rude and cheap to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a large group of friends i go with and they're always ordering 3-4 appetizers for the table. I don't want these, nor do most of the other women. It's kind of unfair that we all get stuck splitting these.

Have you ever actually, you know, said anything?

. . .and tell the waitress you want a separate check.

Anonymous wrote:I have a large group of friends i go with and they're always ordering 3-4 appetizers for the table. I don't want these, nor do most of the other women. It's kind of unfair that we all get stuck splitting these.

Have you ever actually, you know, said anything?

Anonymous wrote:^^^^and to add, we all know by now to bring cash so there is no need to ask for a separate check on the basis that someone has a card. It’s so easy to itemize with cash.

+1

Great idea.

Once you're over about 25 or so, people in my circle just take turns paying. So much easier than either itemizing or splitting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I absolutely hate it when one or two people decide to order bottles of wine or appetizers “for the table” and then expect everyone to share the cost. It’s obnoxious. If you want it, order it, and then pay for it. Let everyone else do the same.

I agree this is obnoxious. It is as obnoxious as someone that itemizes a check down to the nickel during a meal where this didn't happen and everyone is roughly within 20 bucks of each other.

I loathe the itemizers OP, and I also tend to overpay than underpay. It speaks of a great lack of generosity. IMO the spirit of the event should be that all the friends want it to be easy and equitable. So if someone orders a bottle of wine then they volunteer to chip in more at the end, but getting into the details is annoying and awkward. I would prefer people on a budget just pick a less expensive restaurant.

As someone who is on a budget, I'd rather go to a nicer place but order strategically (itemize and order say an entree and a glass of water for myself) than subsidize meals and drinks at a cheaper restaurant I don't like as much.

^^^^and to add, we all know by now to bring cash so there is no need to ask for a separate check on the basis that someone has a card. It’s so easy to itemize with cash.