Unless the parent staying in the family home is abusive or unavailable, it likely makes sense for that parent to have primary custody (if one parent is going to have it). That provides more stability to the child as they staying their home and keep going to their school.

Both fathers and mothers can be equally fantastic or terrible parents or everything in between so whether it is the father or mother staying in the home is irrelevant. If both are good parents and that is what is best for the kids then they should stay in the family home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you rent a small, cheap apartment and alternately take turns in the house and apartment? This way the kids never leave the house and it's the parents that are switching homes. Much easier for everyone, housing costs are still shared.

I know a few people who have done this. It worked successfully for them.

I'm surprised you never hear of this arrangement. Seems to be the best option for the kids.

There have been numerous articles about this. It works well for a couple of years until the parents start dating, then falls apart typically.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you rent a small, cheap apartment and alternately take turns in the house and apartment? This way the kids never leave the house and it's the parents that are switching homes. Much easier for everyone, housing costs are still shared.

I know a few people who have done this. It worked successfully for them.

And share a bathroom with your ex? That sounds like so much fun.

I can't imagine this would last for long, esp when parents start dating other people.

I know, right? You'd end up still cleaning up after them, but in two places instead of one! It would take a very special ex-couple to pull this off.

My exDW was a pig and yes I did end up cleaning up after her, even after divorce.

Generally, I prefer dating women who get along well with their exes, and women who swap living spaces tend to get along well with their exes and also provide consistent and shared rules and values for their children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you rent a small, cheap apartment and alternately take turns in the house and apartment? This way the kids never leave the house and it's the parents that are switching homes. Much easier for everyone, housing costs are still shared.

I know a few people who have done this. It worked successfully for them.

I'm surprised you never hear of this arrangement. Seems to be the best option for the kids.

I'm not convinced it is. I'm a solo parent, so I have no experience with custody as a parent, but in my experience as a teacher, kids do better when there are clear signals to help them know when expectations, either their own or other people's are changing. I would think it would be easier for a child to understand "This is mommy's house, it works this way, this is daddy's house, it works that way, then not know who will be there day to day, and which rules to apply.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you rent a small, cheap apartment and alternately take turns in the house and apartment? This way the kids never leave the house and it's the parents that are switching homes. Much easier for everyone, housing costs are still shared.

I know a few people who have done this. It worked successfully for them.

And share a bathroom with your ex? That sounds like so much fun.

I can't imagine this would last for long, esp when parents start dating other people.

I know, right? You'd end up still cleaning up after them, but in two places instead of one! It would take a very special ex-couple to pull this off.

Seriously, we would also have to split the cost of a housecleaner at both places for that to even have a remote chance of working.

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you rent a small, cheap apartment and alternately take turns in the house and apartment? This way the kids never leave the house and it's the parents that are switching homes. Much easier for everyone, housing costs are still shared.

I know a few people who have done this. It worked successfully for them.

I'm surprised you never hear of this arrangement. Seems to be the best option for the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. My ex and I split our assets except the house. We both still own it. I will stay in it til the kids graduate.

You can get a roommate to help with bills.

You split the proceeds when you sell.

We were going to do this until I thought about what would happen if I died while he was still on the deed to the house- he would automatically get all of my equity as joint owner. So I removed him from the deed and executed a promissory note that equaled his portion of the equity. So my owing him his equity money was no longer tied to the ownership of the house. I still intend to pay him off after the kids are out of school but my estate is protected on the off chance that something happens to me.

I thought this applies only in the case of a married couple where the house is held as "tenants in common" or something similar. Once you are divorced, all you might have to do is re-do the ownership type and your 50% is part of your estate. Of course, I'm not a lawyer and it would be great if a lawyer confirms this..

Tenancy in the entirety is what married couples typically have. Tenancy in common (50/50) is what you want.

You can change how it's titled but what the PP did by switching to the promissory note is also limit any increase in value the ex might enjoy. Tenancy in common would mean that ex gets 50% of any increase in value, but promissory note means that ex is only entitled to the value of the note (which isn't even secured by the house!).

PP here- the switch to the promissory note was intentional. We split all the finances at the time of separation, including the house equity. We based the value on the refinance appraisal (which came in way low by the way since the appraiser didn’t really care what the number was, I had enough equity for the refi). I kept the house, he kept his retirement accounts but I still owed him a bit of money for his equity (around $50k). So he was only entitled to around $50k of the equity which is a small percentage. That was the reason to remove him from the deed and the agreement to pay him off through essentially an unsecured, interest free loan. I took over all responsibility of the house at separation to included all costs, repairs and maintenance. So he signed off because he was only entitled to a small set amount. We’re amicable enough and he knows me well enough to know I’m good to repay him. And that I’ll most likely pay him back before the money is officially due.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you rent a small, cheap apartment and alternately take turns in the house and apartment? This way the kids never leave the house and it's the parents that are switching homes. Much easier for everyone, housing costs are still shared.

I know a few people who have done this. It worked successfully for them.

And share a bathroom with your ex? That sounds like so much fun.

I can't imagine this would last for long, esp when parents start dating other people.

I know, right? You'd end up still cleaning up after them, but in two places instead of one! It would take a very special ex-couple to pull this off.

Anonymous wrote:Why don't you rent a small, cheap apartment and alternately take turns in the house and apartment? This way the kids never leave the house and it's the parents that are switching homes. Much easier for everyone, housing costs are still shared.

I know a few people who have done this. It worked successfully for them.

And share a bathroom with your ex? That sounds like so much fun.

I can't imagine this would last for long, esp when parents start dating other people.

Anonymous wrote:Please make sure you read the regs on whichever school district you are in. You're getting a lot of bad advice on here about where the kids are supposed to attend. In FCPS you can choose which school dsitrict if it's 50/50, but anything other than that the kids have to go to school where they reside the majority of the time.

For PP who said schools don't sit outside your house to decide if kids are living in the right place -- yes, they absolutely do, depending on where you live. The VA districts have attendance officers whose only job is to investigate these issues. There are anonymous hotlines set up so parents can report families for investigation.

Hi poster, the Fairfax county regs don't agree with you. They are here. https://www.fcps.edu/registration/general-registration-requirements

OP, call the school system where you live and ask if there are any specific residency requirements for your kids. Divorce is very common, and most schools don't have any interest in poring through your legal papers to determine whether your kid sleeps at home 51 percent of the time. Most school systems just ask for a deed or rental agreement and don't make requirements about your custody arrangement.