Anonymous wrote:DH can be an enormous a-hole on a good day. What makes you think that he would act any more civil during/after a divorce.

FYI I am OP and I did not write this above.... I guess others are in my boat but worse

Anonymous wrote:OP IS the sacrificial lamb. The Virgin Mary. The ideal wife. June Cleaver even.

I wonder what DH and his mistress thinks of her?

OP never said whether they are a DW or DH. I suspect OP is a DH. So, what are you OP?

And he is probably just as unhappy as you. At first you made it seem like you two were cordial to each other but passionless and sexless. No, this is something totally different. You are trapped, he is trapped. You kids see him being an asshole to you.

You son will model his behavior to women after his father. You are no martyr. This is a sick abusive marriage.

Anonymous wrote:DH can be an enormous a-hole on a good day. What makes you think that he would act any more civil during/after a divorce.

But you married him. You, not anyone else.

DH can be an enormous a-hole on a good day. What makes you think that he would act any more civil during/after a divorce.

Please don't let anyone ever try to convince you that marriage is easy - it is definitely convenient for those who have a different measuring stick as to what is important for family life and children. Divorce may be an escape for some, but it will always be a trap for children, one they may never be able to crawl out of. The impact of division from the ones who were supposed to be their strength can leave devastating, and sometimes, a life time of doubt and brokenness.

I think many couple reach that time in life where the repetition and routine of life take the place of finding goals and pursuing them. Reaching out for change involves risks, and planning ahead. It mans engaging in a strategy that takes you from point A to point B. It doesn't always come easy, but rather requires discipline and hard work. It's just a matter of where the couple's priorities lie.

Is your husband aware of your thought life in this area of your marriage? Has he seen how the distance has made you feel? Does he feel the same way? He may have observed it, but feels clueless on how to step in and initiate meaningful conversation. Many husbands are not good initiators when it comes to "feelings" and "heart issues" because it requires them to be transparent and vulnerable. a side of them they normally like to keep covered and protected from outside opinions and judgments. But it doesn't have to be that way, once a couple has decided which goals they'd like to achieve together.

I want to pass along some reading material you may find helpful. God is in the business of keeping marriages together and cares about both of you, no matter where you are at in life, or what you may be feeling. He loves you right now and wants to be a part of restoring hope back into your relationship. It can be done.

[url]http://bit.ly/2zKqnBe

Well, these are just some thoughts I had. I know every situation is different, and you know your husband way better than any of us here. But the one thing I did want to emphasize is the fact that God loves you and has plans for your marriage and your children. I am proof that His power does change hearts. My hope and prayer for you is that you both will come to the realization that God is bigger than your problems and He truly wants to take care of you.

OP, I wouldn't be so sure that your kids are clueless about the state of your marriage. You may think they don't notice, but kids have a way of seeing through pretenses and picking up on things. They might even notice how you and DH act differently toward one another than their aunts/uncles or friends' parents do. I'm not saying you should get a divorce, but you shouldn't assume your kids are unaffected. You and DH are modeling what a romantic relationship is for your kids which serves as their guide as they start dating and later when they get into serious relationships. You have to be ok with what you are modeling to them and be honest with yourself about it.

This thread makes me feel so much better about my decision to not marry and settle. It confirms my view of what marriage is really about for many people . . . Keeping up the perception, the appearances, the status quo.

You know what's worse? zero passion plus sex.

I have to say that you sound pathetic. You say nothing about what you've done to try and improve your relationship - they ARE work, you know, and they have to be nurtured. Have you two gone to counseling to get back on track? What is your plan for when your kids are college? Do you expect to remain married? What if your husband is waiting for them to leave the house so he can divorce you? Do you have a plan or are you just wallowing in your martyrdom? I'm not hearing anything that can't be improved upon, including your attitude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:yeah, clearly, it's an excellent idea to REGULARLY sit down a ten-year old and say, you see, daddy and I are living an atypical, unhealthy, less than ideal marriage - all for you! Make sure yours isn't like that! That'll fix them.

Morons.

OP, there is nothing wrong or atypical in your marriage. Most people married for 15+ years are there. If you are amiable roommates, you are way ahead of the population. If there is no strife or abuse at the house, if you function well as a family, if you are providing a stable happy home for your children, then what else can you possibly wish for? Do you think that there are dozens of Fabios waiting outside your door simply DYING to discover a passionate connection with a 40+ mother of three? What are you going to tell the kids? Daddy was nice to me but I left him because no butterflies?

Wake up. Find a way to connect with your DH. Or don't. What you have doesn't sound so bad.

Sex would be nice. But I'd settle for affection. Not getting either right now. But then I look at our children, and the idea of divorce - which would hurt them - hurts like hell. No good choices here. It is going to suck either way.

So go and give your DH a kiss. Sit next to him. Hold his hand. What are you waiting for, an affection package in the mail?

Anonymous wrote:yeah, clearly, it's an excellent idea to REGULARLY sit down a ten-year old and say, you see, daddy and I are living an atypical, unhealthy, less than ideal marriage - all for you! Make sure yours isn't like that! That'll fix them.

Morons.

OP, there is nothing wrong or atypical in your marriage. Most people married for 15+ years are there. If you are amiable roommates, you are way ahead of the population. If there is no strife or abuse at the house, if you function well as a family, if you are providing a stable happy home for your children, then what else can you possibly wish for? Do you think that there are dozens of Fabios waiting outside your door simply DYING to discover a passionate connection with a 40+ mother of three? What are you going to tell the kids? Daddy was nice to me but I left him because no butterflies?

Wake up. Find a way to connect with your DH. Or don't. What you have doesn't sound so bad.

Sex would be nice. But I'd settle for affection. Not getting either right now. But then I look at our children, and the idea of divorce - which would hurt them - hurts like hell. No good choices here. It is going to suck either way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great, they can thank you years from now when they're stuck in their own bad marriages.

I'm sure they'll be greatful to realize that they have to spend the rest of their lives as a martyr; just like their mom. Who wouldn't be, right?

High five OP. Awesome job teaching them that relationships without connection are where it's at.

Don't blame your kids for your inability to leave. Go to therapy and at least own what you're doing to them. If you really want this life, the least you could do is regularly explain to them that how you and your husband live isn't typical, healthy or ideal.

Fingers crossed they can somehow find a good marriage even though you are giving them this as a daily example. I'm sure it will work out.

The most idiotic, disrespectful, boundary-ignorant parenting advice I've ever seen.

New poster. I think her advice is SPOT ON.

OP needs a lot of therapy, and her kids will need the same. Even coming on here with her ridiculous initial post is some form of CRAZY.

yeah, clearly, it's an excellent idea to REGULARLY sit down a ten-year old and say, you see, daddy and I are living an atypical, unhealthy, less than ideal marriage - all for you! Make sure yours isn't like that! That'll fix them.

Morons.

OP, there is nothing wrong or atypical in your marriage. Most people married for 15+ years are there. If you are amiable roommates, you are way ahead of the population. If there is no strife or abuse at the house, if you function well as a family, if you are providing a stable happy home for your children, then what else can you possibly wish for? Do you think that there are dozens of Fabios waiting outside your door simply DYING to discover a passionate connection with a 40+ mother of three? What are you going to tell the kids? Daddy was nice to me but I left him because no butterflies?

Wake up. Find a way to connect with your DH. Or don't. What you have doesn't sound so bad.

OP IS the sacrificial lamb. The Virgin Mary. The ideal wife. June Cleaver even.

I wonder what DH and his mistress thinks of her?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Great, they can thank you years from now when they're stuck in their own bad marriages.

I'm sure they'll be greatful to realize that they have to spend the rest of their lives as a martyr; just like their mom. Who wouldn't be, right?

High five OP. Awesome job teaching them that relationships without connection are where it's at.

Don't blame your kids for your inability to leave. Go to therapy and at least own what you're doing to them. If you really want this life, the least you could do is regularly explain to them that how you and your husband live isn't typical, healthy or ideal.

Fingers crossed they can somehow find a good marriage even though you are giving them this as a daily example. I'm sure it will work out.

The most idiotic, disrespectful, boundary-ignorant parenting advice I've ever seen.

New poster. I think her advice is SPOT ON.

OP needs a lot of therapy, and her kids will need the same. Even coming on here with her ridiculous initial post is some form of CRAZY.