Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He well earned that shot. Let him or he will regret it.
Even if it fails, that's life. With your assets you don't have to live in fear. I guess as a SAHM you don't feel powerful enough to dig yourself out of a hole. Maybe work on that.

What does this mean? Not being snarky, I just honestly don't know what you're saying here.

NP. It probably means the for OP the man was her plan, and she has no means to support herself by her own admission.

And honestly a man like this who makes half a million and saved up millions and still isn't satisfied may have ambitions for improvements outside of his career, not sure if OP is worried about their marriage too. Hence be supportive and weather this phase, OP seems vulnerable

OP here. No I am not worried about my marriage. We have always seen ourselves as a partnership and that the money he makes is "our" money. He is asking me if he should do this, he's not telling me. I don't think it's fair to paint me as a leech. I've made sacrifices too. He went back to work two days after I had each of our babies and I didn't say anything. He frequently goes on last minute business trips and I don't say anything. It's not like I've been on easy street all these years. I've been home with three little kids.

Never meant to paint you as a leech. But your financial plan is solely your DH.

For most working parents DH has to go back to work a couple days after having kids too; it's actually much worse to leave you 6 week old crying infant with some sub daycare worker you just met, so please shut the F up about sacrifice in your paid off McMansion and MILLIONS in assets.

FFS, you are the living defintion of EASY STREET.

But your DH wanderlust for better pastures does seem to be jeopardizing that, hopefully just professionally.

I am curious how you consider yourself partners when he has been crafting this secret plan (paid off mortgage, huge growth stifling cash savings) and not discussing with you years ago.

Op here. It's not a "secret" plan. I knew he had this in the back of his mind. He's been approached by other startups but they could afford to offer to pay a salary so I said no and he agreed. And they were just never the right people. He feels different about this this one though. I suspect that if he doesn't do it he'll have major FOMO.

Not secret but in your OP: Unbeknownst to me, this is why we have so much cash.

Anonymous wrote:I think people here are assuming OP's DH is on the executive team and getting equity in the company at the get-go. If you don't hold significant equity, you won't be cashing out on the buy out. Also, the executives are often bound by the buy out contract to work for the new company, which sometimes involves relocation, so that is another thing to consider.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He well earned that shot. Let him or he will regret it.
Even if it fails, that's life. With your assets you don't have to live in fear. I guess as a SAHM you don't feel powerful enough to dig yourself out of a hole. Maybe work on that.

What does this mean? Not being snarky, I just honestly don't know what you're saying here.

NP. It probably means the for OP the man was her plan, and she has no means to support herself by her own admission.

And honestly a man like this who makes half a million and saved up millions and still isn't satisfied may have ambitions for improvements outside of his career, not sure if OP is worried about their marriage too. Hence be supportive and weather this phase, OP seems vulnerable

OP here. No I am not worried about my marriage. We have always seen ourselves as a partnership and that the money he makes is "our" money. He is asking me if he should do this, he's not telling me. I don't think it's fair to paint me as a leech. I've made sacrifices too. He went back to work two days after I had each of our babies and I didn't say anything. He frequently goes on last minute business trips and I don't say anything. It's not like I've been on easy street all these years. I've been home with three little kids.

Never meant to paint you as a leech. But your financial plan is solely your DH.

For most working parents DH has to go back to work a couple days after having kids too; it's actually much worse to leave you 6 week old crying infant with some sub daycare worker you just met, so please shut the F up about sacrifice in your paid off McMansion and MILLIONS in assets.

FFS, you are the living defintion of EASY STREET.

But your DH wanderlust for better pastures does seem to be jeopardizing that, hopefully just professionally.

I am curious how you consider yourself partners when he has been crafting this secret plan (paid off mortgage, huge growth stifling cash savings) and not discussing with you years ago.

Op here. It's not a "secret" plan. I knew he had this in the back of his mind. He's been approached by other startups but they could afford to offer to pay a salary so I said no and he agreed. And they were just never the right people. He feels different about this this one though. I suspect that if he doesn't do it he'll have major FOMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A relative moved jobs frequently for better gigs. The thing I see looking back on that career is that even the missteps were steps up. Everything was experience on the resume, and the next step was always up from there (and always for more equity).

He did the start up venture routine. Three times. They lived very frugally, but fine, for years (without the nest egg you guys have and more kids). One venture was going well, a better opportunity came by, and he jumped; that one totally failed, and he found another one ... that one paid off big time. I mean BIG time. You just never know which one will work out, but if you don't try ...

Every step was a learning experience that built and built and ultimately paid off. They feel strongly that this could not have worked for them if SIL had not SAH because making a venture work is all consuming. They are a mighty strong team. That is what worked best for their family (but I also see great value in PP's model).

If he has the skills to develop a company, and you trust the team he's joining (no major personality issues), then I say take a leap of faith. You have done the financial prep work to make this risk possible. But you have to take control of the home finances and home front and keep him in line and prop him up. He'll be very busy elsewhere if he's doing it right.

^^by PP I meant 8:25

This seems like sound advice? Why do you think it is bad?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is currently in retirement? In 529's? Maybe you would feel better if you guys sat down with a fee-based financial planner who could show you how much of that money you need for college, and just how really safe you are now. I don't think your concerns are coming from a realistic view of your financial situation.

That's a good idea -- OP doesn't seem to have a good concept of financial planning. They have a huge nest egg, and that will definitely tide them over.

Is the $1.2 in cash plus the investments their retirement savings, or "extra" money on top of savings for college and retirement? It is hard to imagine leaving a secure 600k job that I love.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He well earned that shot. Let him or he will regret it.
Even if it fails, that's life. With your assets you don't have to live in fear. I guess as a SAHM you don't feel powerful enough to dig yourself out of a hole. Maybe work on that.

What does this mean? Not being snarky, I just honestly don't know what you're saying here.

NP. It probably means the for OP the man was her plan, and she has no means to support herself by her own admission.

And honestly a man like this who makes half a million and saved up millions and still isn't satisfied may have ambitions for improvements outside of his career, not sure if OP is worried about their marriage too. Hence be supportive and weather this phase, OP seems vulnerable

OP here. No I am not worried about my marriage. We have always seen ourselves as a partnership and that the money he makes is "our" money. He is asking me if he should do this, he's not telling me. I don't think it's fair to paint me as a leech. I've made sacrifices too. He went back to work two days after I had each of our babies and I didn't say anything. He frequently goes on last minute business trips and I don't say anything. It's not like I've been on easy street all these years. I've been home with three little kids.

Never meant to paint you as a leech. But your financial plan is solely your DH.

For most working parents DH has to go back to work a couple days after having kids too; it's actually much worse to leave you 6 week old crying infant with some sub daycare worker you just met, so please shut the F up about sacrifice in your paid off McMansion and MILLIONS in assets.

FFS, you are the living defintion of EASY STREET.

But your DH wanderlust for better pastures does seem to be jeopardizing that, hopefully just professionally.

I am curious how you consider yourself partners when he has been crafting this secret plan (paid off mortgage, huge growth stifling cash savings) and not discussing with you years ago.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a spouse who works in tech startups and has for 15 years+. Some things to think about.

-He will have insane hours. It's the culture. Most others in the company will be in their 20s and this won't be a problem for them. No one will care that he has a wife and kids.
-Zero job security. Zero. Could get fired on a Tuesday.
-A lot of startups fail. The percentage that end up getting sold and making equity partners a good deal of money is pretty slim. 10 percent of anything but a fairly big number isn't much.
-What is the health insurance situation? Health insurance for a family of 5 isn't cheap and if I was you, one of my biggest concerns would be stable health insurance for your family. Depending on the size of the startup and where they are as a company, they might not offer great family plans. They're probably dealing with a lot of singles, which is a different market.

My advice is plan out the worst case scenario with him and make sure you can live with it. The worst case is you spend down all your savings and in 3 years he has a 100k salary and you have no savings. What happens then? What happens if he gets let go? Just work out your contingency scenarios and maybe you'll feel better.

Good luck. If they've got the bug to go this route, not much you can do about it. I only have 2 kids, but the way I sleep at night is I have a very stable job and I am the stable and steady presence in our family income and carry our health insurance. But I understand that might not be possible for everyone.

This is good advice. I would be a bit uncomfortable spending $50K to redo a basement in the first two years of the startup. Wait till the third year to see where the startup is at. The payoff of a startup is very attractive. That's why people do it for way less money, and work insane hours. I had the opportunity to work for a startup but passed on it because I didn't want to work those hours (and I was single back then). The startup got bought out, but no one except the executives made money out of the buyout.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A relative moved jobs frequently for better gigs. The thing I see looking back on that career is that even the missteps were steps up. Everything was experience on the resume, and the next step was always up from there (and always for more equity).

He did the start up venture routine. Three times. They lived very frugally, but fine, for years (without the nest egg you guys have and more kids). One venture was going well, a better opportunity came by, and he jumped; that one totally failed, and he found another one ... that one paid off big time. I mean BIG time. You just never know which one will work out, but if you don't try ...

Every step was a learning experience that built and built and ultimately paid off. They feel strongly that this could not have worked for them if SIL had not SAH because making a venture work is all consuming. They are a mighty strong team. That is what worked best for their family (but I also see great value in PP's model).

If he has the skills to develop a company, and you trust the team he's joining (no major personality issues), then I say take a leap of faith. You have done the financial prep work to make this risk possible. But you have to take control of the home finances and home front and keep him in line and prop him up. He'll be very busy elsewhere if he's doing it right.

^^by PP I meant 8:25

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your mortgage?

we don't have one (he paid it off a few years ago, I guess this was part of his plan too) but we do have a property tax bill that works out to be ~ 1k a month.

He sounds really fiscally conservative, op. I genuinely don't understand where your fears are coming from.

I am really risk adverse. We have a really nice life right now. Aside from the equity thing, he actually really likes current job and the people he works with a lot. So I just never thought he'd seriously do this. He always talked about it in a "if things were different" kind of way. But things are not different. We have three little kids.

Op, I'm going to come right out and say your fears are not rational. Your dh (and you!) have done an amazing job with money so far. Let him roll the dice on this one. He's literally earned it.

Sounds like a classic mid life crisis. Startups are for your people. Has he bought a sports car yet? Was the basement remodel going to add a wet bar?

what does this mean?

I think he/she meant "young people." The PP has no experience in the start-up environment and is giving bad advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He well earned that shot. Let him or he will regret it.
Even if it fails, that's life. With your assets you don't have to live in fear. I guess as a SAHM you don't feel powerful enough to dig yourself out of a hole. Maybe work on that.

What does this mean? Not being snarky, I just honestly don't know what you're saying here.

NP. It probably means the for OP the man was her plan, and she has no means to support herself by her own admission.

And honestly a man like this who makes half a million and saved up millions and still isn't satisfied may have ambitions for improvements outside of his career, not sure if OP is worried about their marriage too. Hence be supportive and weather this phase, OP seems vulnerable

OP here. No I am not worried about my marriage. We have always seen ourselves as a partnership and that the money he makes is "our" money. He is asking me if he should do this, he's not telling me. I don't think it's fair to paint me as a leech. I've made sacrifices too. He went back to work two days after I had each of our babies and I didn't say anything. He frequently goes on last minute business trips and I don't say anything. It's not like I've been on easy street all these years. I've been home with three little kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is currently in retirement? In 529's? Maybe you would feel better if you guys sat down with a fee-based financial planner who could show you how much of that money you need for college, and just how really safe you are now. I don't think your concerns are coming from a realistic view of your financial situation.

That's a good idea -- OP doesn't seem to have a good concept of financial planning. They have a huge nest egg, and that will definitely tide them over.

Anonymous wrote:I am concerned that DH was doing all this "planning" and OP apparently did not know either that DH was financially setting himself up for this position, or that he wanted to do something like this at all. That is a weird disconnect. If my DH saved over a million dollars in cash, I think I would need to know why... right?

Anonymous wrote:I have a spouse who works in tech startups and has for 15 years+. Some things to think about.

-He will have insane hours. It's the culture. Most others in the company will be in their 20s and this won't be a problem for them. No one will care that he has a wife and kids.
-Zero job security. Zero. Could get fired on a Tuesday.
-A lot of startups fail. The percentage that end up getting sold and making equity partners a good deal of money is pretty slim. 10 percent of anything but a fairly big number isn't much.
-What is the health insurance situation? Health insurance for a family of 5 isn't cheap and if I was you, one of my biggest concerns would be stable health insurance for your family. Depending on the size of the startup and where they are as a company, they might not offer great family plans. They're probably dealing with a lot of singles, which is a different market.

My advice is plan out the worst case scenario with him and make sure you can live with it. The worst case is you spend down all your savings and in 3 years he has a 100k salary and you have no savings. What happens then? What happens if he gets let go? Just work out your contingency scenarios and maybe you'll feel better.

Good luck. If they've got the bug to go this route, not much you can do about it. I only have 2 kids, but the way I sleep at night is I have a very stable job and I am the stable and steady presence in our family income and carry our health insurance. But I understand that might not be possible for everyone.