Anonymous
Post 10/20/2017 11:46     Subject: Financial Implications of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:re: proving adultery in VA. You have to have the proof of a sexual relationship.

https://www.livesaymyers.com/divorce-lawyers/adultery/


I was a court judicial clerk for 2 years (in a Va circuit ct.) and dealt with divorce cases a lot. Never saw one case where adultery was actually proven. It may be alleged in the complaint, but almost never gets proven.


In our case, my husband's name on his love child's birth certificate was clear and convincing enough for proof. But I agree that few will ever get there.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2017 08:11     Subject: Financial Implications of Divorce
re: proving adultery in VA. You have to have the proof of a sexual relationship.

https://www.livesaymyers.com/divorce-lawyers/adultery/


I was a court judicial clerk for 2 years (in a Va circuit ct.) and dealt with divorce cases a lot. Never saw one case where adultery was actually proven. It may be alleged in the complaint, but almost never gets proven.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2017 08:05     Subject: Re:Financial Implications of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:You are in the exact position that most men are in when it comes to divorce. So basically, you are going to get hosed. You didn't state your age, but that is a pretty good net worth given that your husband is a slacker.


No she isn't. Most women today work, and most non-working women do provide childcare. She got hosed on both fronts - a non-working spouse AND a childcare bill.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2017 07:49     Subject: Re:Financial Implications of Divorce
You are in the exact position that most men are in when it comes to divorce. So basically, you are going to get hosed. You didn't state your age, but that is a pretty good net worth given that your husband is a slacker.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2017 07:41     Subject: Re:Financial Implications of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:I'm going to play devil's advocate and just say that it might be better to stay married and stop contributing to his retirement! Yes, I know he sucks as a partner and father but guess what? Chances are you'll live longer than he would given the gender gap in life expectancy and you wouldn't end up poorer after a divorce. Just stay married in name and do whatever the hell you want cos it's your $$$. But divorce, based on what the PPs here have stated, sounds like it would bring you down, rather than up.

Also, have you considered signing a post-nuptial agreement?


Or maybe they can divorce and he finds another sponsor?
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2017 10:03     Subject: Re:Financial Implications of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hijack a bit, but does anyone know how the division, alimony and child support change if DH is working, but I am still primary earner? What if my income alone is just enough to pay for rent, daycare, food on my own - am I still facing having to pay HIM support? Assume I get primary custody (I'll fight tooth and nail for it), and his income is enough for him to live on alone, how could a court force me to pay him, which would close to impoverish me?

And we have no assets other than tiny 401(k), but a lot of debt. I'd have to give half my 401(k) and future pension, but take half the debt and live like a pauper with my kids? I don't see a way out for me.

Get proof of adultery and alimony is off the table for him.


No. MD doesn't care about adultery when deciding alimony award, and in DC and MD it's a very small consideration in a litany of other factors. Nowhere near "alimony is off the table".


In VA, if you go for at-fault divorce with proven adultery, spousal support is off the table.


In order to "prove" adultery in VA you actually have to have proof that they had sex. It is nearly impossible to prove unless you have a PI taking pictures from the window or perhaps an ill-advised tape. No fault is pretty much the only thing that happens.


That's not what my lawyer said.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2017 09:58     Subject: Re:Financial Implications of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hijack a bit, but does anyone know how the division, alimony and child support change if DH is working, but I am still primary earner? What if my income alone is just enough to pay for rent, daycare, food on my own - am I still facing having to pay HIM support? Assume I get primary custody (I'll fight tooth and nail for it), and his income is enough for him to live on alone, how could a court force me to pay him, which would close to impoverish me?

And we have no assets other than tiny 401(k), but a lot of debt. I'd have to give half my 401(k) and future pension, but take half the debt and live like a pauper with my kids? I don't see a way out for me.

Get proof of adultery and alimony is off the table for him.


No. MD doesn't care about adultery when deciding alimony award, and in DC and MD it's a very small consideration in a litany of other factors. Nowhere near "alimony is off the table".


In VA, if you go for at-fault divorce with proven adultery, spousal support is off the table.


In order to "prove" adultery in VA you actually have to have proof that they had sex. It is nearly impossible to prove unless you have a PI taking pictures from the window or perhaps an ill-advised tape. No fault is pretty much the only thing that happens.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2017 09:55     Subject: Re:Financial Implications of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hijack a bit, but does anyone know how the division, alimony and child support change if DH is working, but I am still primary earner? What if my income alone is just enough to pay for rent, daycare, food on my own - am I still facing having to pay HIM support? Assume I get primary custody (I'll fight tooth and nail for it), and his income is enough for him to live on alone, how could a court force me to pay him, which would close to impoverish me?

And we have no assets other than tiny 401(k), but a lot of debt. I'd have to give half my 401(k) and future pension, but take half the debt and live like a pauper with my kids? I don't see a way out for me.

Get proof of adultery and alimony is off the table for him.


No. MD doesn't care about adultery when deciding alimony award, and in DC and MD it's a very small consideration in a litany of other factors. Nowhere near "alimony is off the table".


In VA, if you go for at-fault divorce with proven adultery, spousal support is off the table.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2017 08:34     Subject: Re:Financial Implications of Divorce
Anonymous wrote:Sorry to hijack a bit, but does anyone know how the division, alimony and child support change if DH is working, but I am still primary earner? What if my income alone is just enough to pay for rent, daycare, food on my own - am I still facing having to pay HIM support? Assume I get primary custody (I'll fight tooth and nail for it), and his income is enough for him to live on alone, how could a court force me to pay him, which would close to impoverish me?

And we have no assets other than tiny 401(k), but a lot of debt. I'd have to give half my 401(k) and future pension, but take half the debt and live like a pauper with my kids? I don't see a way out for me.


I was in a similar place. I spent a year clearing the non-mortgage debt. We didn’t go out, didn’t go on vacation, didn’t buy new things, cooked at home, purged and sold stuff, etc. That put in me a better place, financially, to divorce.
Anonymous
Post 10/19/2017 08:03     Subject: Financial Implications of Divorce
Following up with my post.

The judge who was going to order $1500-2000./ mo was basing it off of the husband's salary which was around $150k. So, if your salary is substantially lower, and your ex-husband has SOME income, the numbers would not be the same.

The main point is that even for someone who hasn't been working in a long time, the court is only looking to give them a couple of years of income help.