Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 12:43     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:I am a late 20's woman that has lost 75lbs in the last year, and have kept it off for the past 6 months. I was always a skinny child and teen but developed PCOS when puberty set in, and started gaining weight in my early 20's. I struggled with the issue for years and finally got it under control after a drastic change in diet and going on medication. The extra weight left me with stretchmarks on my breast, stomach, thighs, and hips. I have noticed since losing the weight, two guys I have dated looked at me differently once they found out. One never called me back after a month, and the other was very rude about it. I don't want it to define me, but I am worried that it may hinder my chances of finding a good guy.



Hey OP.

I had similar experiences with PCOS, my weight began to grow out of control after 15. Around 23 the weight was off for the first time. The only way this would impact your chances of finding a good guy is that it'll immediately weed out the crap ones who have an issue. You need to find a GREAT guy like one of the first replies said. When you start a family with him it will already add an extra layer of challenge because of the PCOS. Having the worry of "Ive got to get this baby weight off or he won't find me attractive" is that last thing you'll need with a newborn. PCOS makes weight loss harder. You will continue to have struggles with it during your life. Maybe not to the extreme you've had now, but life is about ebs and flow. If you can't find a man who's good with your past, he most certainly will disappoint you in the future.

Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 11:57     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
I wouldn't get fixated on a particular weight. A lot of women get carried away with being "light," but having a good muscle to fat ratio will make you curvier and more attractive. Muscles are heavy, so that's why you can't focus too much on weight.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 11:47     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Tbh yes I would date a woman in your shoes. As far as the stretchmarks, I don't even notice them on women I am with. I do agree with the PPs saying 110 is on the too skinny side of things. I definitely like a woman with a butt, hips, and boobs.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 11:46     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
110 is way too thin for my taste
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 11:44     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you had an health issue that caused you to gain weight and it took you years to get it under control and find the right meds, but now it is and you are back to a normal weight and guys don't want to date you when they find out? Is that who you want for a life mate, someone who would cut and run when they found out about your health issue?



Op here. Yes. I am back to my normal without of 110lbs. I have always worked out and took care of my health, but PCOS was something I couldn't control. Not to make excuses, but it's not like I just sat around eating junk food. PCOS is similar to a thyroid problem, and can cause people to gain and uncontrollable amount of weight. It's not easy to deal with.


How tall are you? 110 lbs is REALLY skinny. You might think about gaining a couple of pounds, just because that will filter out the "obsessed with skinny women" crowd who might be (will be) way more judgmental.

I used to be your weight, gained about 25 pounds, now I am 135 and get hit on more than ever and by quality guys that aren't fixated on skinniness. I think it was one of the best choices I made.


+1

I get way more looks now at 140. I do think there's something to be said for filtering out the men with weight issues


You know, I think there may be something to this. Although obviously I haven't seen your body / how you carry it, OP, 110 IS very skinny. Not thin, skinny. There is definitely a subset of men for whom a) physical fitness and being in perfect shape - think religious time-consuming workout schedule, gym culture, appearance obsessed, protein shakes...not that any one of these things is bad, but you know the type - is their absolute #1 priority to the point of it being their defining feature / way of life, and b) having a super ("unattainably") skinny wife is a status symbol, and being with someone fat (or someone who, as they're seeing it, is 'okay with being fat') is seriously their worst nightmare. I am in no way defending it, trust me, but would expect those guys to rule you out. Not that you wanted them anyways! But I could see how, if you're super skinny currently, you'd be meeting and dating more than average numbers of this type of guy.

I think PP gave you good advice. Also, unfortunately, as you age and especially if you decide to get pregnant, you will have to be insanely vigilant. And sometimes in the midst of cravings and hormonal shifts and stress and sleep deprivation and adjusted priorities (not to mention depression etc)...that focus slips for a bit. So do yourself a favor and hold out for a great guy who loves you for you, and isn't skinny-obsessed. (I would also have to second that I get a lot more male attention at 130ish than at 115. You will even read it on here all the time - guys like some curves, not skinny hard flat bodies.)


+10000 to all of this. You summed it up perfectly.

And, in my experience, many of these guys who want a very skinny woman are actually not in great shape themselves. Hence them obsessing over having a woman who is super skinny, because it's "proof" that they are in that group, defacto, that they want to be in. Many men feel insecure about their weight or know they aren't adonises- so locking down a woman with very low body fat, they feel, is a kind of validation. I dealt with my fair share of those guys, and I always felt more like i was some kind of token- like they weren't actually that into me- they wanted respect from other MEN, hence going after me.

At a higher weight, I feel I actually get more attention from guys who are pretty muscular. They seem to like the fact that I have a butt, boobs, hips, now. YMMV and everyone carries weight differently, but I actually much prefer the attention I get at this size. I recently got sick and dropped weight and i noticed the positive attention dropping off too. It's funny, because it seems almost counterintuitive from what women tell ourselves. But I know for sure that the male attention I get at this size is much higher quality than when I was smaller.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 11:42     Subject: Re:Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:Most guys in decent shape wouldn't risk it. There is a high probability that you will get fat again, especially after you have kids. You will probably have better luck if you date guys that are kind of chubby. But you never know, so I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe it will help if the guy sees that you consistently work out or eat healthy.


This can go either way. The fact that OP lost a ton of weight means that she at least learned how to do it, and has the capacity to do it. IMO, most people really don't have the ability to lose a significant amount of weight. It's just too difficult, and requires motivation and fortitude over a long period of time. It's very possible that she might put on weight later, pregnancy obviously, but she's got a demonstrated record of success on being able to shed pounds.

I know countless people who were cute and skinny when they were young and then ballooned up later. Unlike OP, they don't have prior struggles with weight loss and often don't feel the need to lose weight since they didn't suffer being overweight when they were young. I think it's much easier to make dramatic weight loss transformations when you are young.

A key trait that I like about OP is that she basically took responsibility and initiative to fix her own problems, rather than sitting back and demanding that men just stop being "shallow" and find her fatness attractive. As I get older (I am male in my 30s) I realize that this is such an important personality trait.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 09:57     Subject: Re:Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you! I know I have many things to offer. The rejection sometimes plays with your mind. My biggest worry is the strecthmarks. They're ugly.


Try laser therapy for stretchmarks if that is your biggest worry. During dating, looks and physical attractiveness plays a large part, so you may have valid concerns about the stretchmark.

If you have kids there is a great chance that the weight and stretchmarks can come back. Some amount of stretchmarks are normal even on some Victoria Secret models who have not had kids.


What kind of laser works for stretch marks and what dr in the area has it?
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 09:53     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you had an health issue that caused you to gain weight and it took you years to get it under control and find the right meds, but now it is and you are back to a normal weight and guys don't want to date you when they find out? Is that who you want for a life mate, someone who would cut and run when they found out about your health issue?



Op here. Yes. I am back to my normal without of 110lbs. I have always worked out and took care of my health, but PCOS was something I couldn't control. Not to make excuses, but it's not like I just sat around eating junk food. PCOS is similar to a thyroid problem, and can cause people to gain and uncontrollable amount of weight. It's not easy to deal with.


How tall are you? 110 lbs is REALLY skinny. You might think about gaining a couple of pounds, just because that will filter out the "obsessed with skinny women" crowd who might be (will be) way more judgmental.

I used to be your weight, gained about 25 pounds, now I am 135 and get hit on more than ever and by quality guys that aren't fixated on skinniness. I think it was one of the best choices I made.



Op here. I am 5'1.5". 110lbs is a normal weight for my height. It's not too skinny for me.


NP. I have no judgment on your body ("too skinny" or otherwise). And congratulations on the weight loss and getting your health under control. But I do think PP has a point. I weigh significantly more than you and have some stretch marks (almost all women do...I'm surprised you and other posters here don't know that?) but have never had any problem meeting guys for relationships from a fling to a serious relationship, to now marriage. Most of the guys I have dated have been nice/good looking guys with OK/good bodies and highly intelligent (this isn't particularly relevant except to point out that I've been involved with nice normal men, like presumably you're looking for). I've had really good luck in the relationship department. However, I have ALWAYS been cognizant of the guys who are obsessed with skinny girls and steered very clear because those people are awful for my self esteem. Our society labels any girl who is skinny, even if she is not pretty at all, "hot" and a lot of douchebags buy into that. I'm sure you're lovely, I'm not saying this is you, but what PP is saying is that you may be drawing those idiots. Even at 5'1" being 110 lbs probably means you are pretty thin, so you may be drawing from the super vain crowd without knowing.

I'm certainly not advocating that you change your body to draw from a different crowd. But I know the type PP is referring to. That said, most men are decent human beings with parts of their bodies they are self conscious about just like you, and the LAST thing they are thinking about when on a date with you is your stretch marks. My husband is a tall, lean athletic type and has stretch marks on his hips from a growth spurt he had in his later adolescence.

Good luck! You will be fine!



This is just all around, wonderful advice and a great post. Thanks PP. You don't often read something as thoughtful and intelligent on DCUM as this.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 09:48     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you had an health issue that caused you to gain weight and it took you years to get it under control and find the right meds, but now it is and you are back to a normal weight and guys don't want to date you when they find out? Is that who you want for a life mate, someone who would cut and run when they found out about your health issue?



Op here. Yes. I am back to my normal without of 110lbs. I have always worked out and took care of my health, but PCOS was something I couldn't control. Not to make excuses, but it's not like I just sat around eating junk food. PCOS is similar to a thyroid problem, and can cause people to gain and uncontrollable amount of weight. It's not easy to deal with.


How tall are you? 110 lbs is REALLY skinny. You might think about gaining a couple of pounds, just because that will filter out the "obsessed with skinny women" crowd who might be (will be) way more judgmental.

I used to be your weight, gained about 25 pounds, now I am 135 and get hit on more than ever and by quality guys that aren't fixated on skinniness. I think it was one of the best choices I made.



Op here. I am 5'1.5". 110lbs is a normal weight for my height. It's not too skinny for me.


NP. I have no judgment on your body ("too skinny" or otherwise). And congratulations on the weight loss and getting your health under control. But I do think PP has a point. I weigh significantly more than you and have some stretch marks (almost all women do...I'm surprised you and other posters here don't know that?) but have never had any problem meeting guys for relationships from a fling to a serious relationship, to now marriage. Most of the guys I have dated have been nice/good looking guys with OK/good bodies and highly intelligent (this isn't particularly relevant except to point out that I've been involved with nice normal men, like presumably you're looking for). I've had really good luck in the relationship department. However, I have ALWAYS been cognizant of the guys who are obsessed with skinny girls and steered very clear because those people are awful for my self esteem. Our society labels any girl who is skinny, even if she is not pretty at all, "hot" and a lot of douchebags buy into that. I'm sure you're lovely, I'm not saying this is you, but what PP is saying is that you may be drawing those idiots. Even at 5'1" being 110 lbs probably means you are pretty thin, so you may be drawing from the super vain crowd without knowing.

I'm certainly not advocating that you change your body to draw from a different crowd. But I know the type PP is referring to. That said, most men are decent human beings with parts of their bodies they are self conscious about just like you, and the LAST thing they are thinking about when on a date with you is your stretch marks. My husband is a tall, lean athletic type and has stretch marks on his hips from a growth spurt he had in his later adolescence.

Good luck! You will be fine!

Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 09:42     Subject: Re:Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thank you! I know I have many things to offer. The rejection sometimes plays with your mind. My biggest worry is the strecthmarks. They're ugly.


Try laser therapy for stretchmarks if that is your biggest worry. During dating, looks and physical attractiveness plays a large part, so you may have valid concerns about the stretchmark.

If you have kids there is a great chance that the weight and stretchmarks can come back. Some amount of stretchmarks are normal even on some Victoria Secret models who have not had kids.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 09:32     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:Does it matter? You can’t change what had happened in the past. Personally, i’d Prefer to date someone who is fine with fluctuations in weight. Cause life happens and the last thing I want when I gain weight is criticism from my H— i’m Usually critical enough of myself. You want someone who will boost you up not tear you down, and there are guys like that out there. Because there may just be times where you can’t run or have priorities elsewhere and you gain 10 pounds. Life is long, don’t worry about jerks that judge you.

Good luck!


Ditto this.

Consider this a good screening device to weed out people you would not want to spend your life with.
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 09:09     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Does it matter? You can’t change what had happened in the past. Personally, i’d Prefer to date someone who is fine with fluctuations in weight. Cause life happens and the last thing I want when I gain weight is criticism from my H— i’m Usually critical enough of myself. You want someone who will boost you up not tear you down, and there are guys like that out there. Because there may just be times where you can’t run or have priorities elsewhere and you gain 10 pounds. Life is long, don’t worry about jerks that judge you.

Good luck!
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 00:34     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you had an health issue that caused you to gain weight and it took you years to get it under control and find the right meds, but now it is and you are back to a normal weight and guys don't want to date you when they find out? Is that who you want for a life mate, someone who would cut and run when they found out about your health issue?



Op here. Yes. I am back to my normal without of 110lbs. I have always worked out and took care of my health, but PCOS was something I couldn't control. Not to make excuses, but it's not like I just sat around eating junk food. PCOS is similar to a thyroid problem, and can cause people to gain and uncontrollable amount of weight. It's not easy to deal with.


How tall are you? 110 lbs is REALLY skinny. You might think about gaining a couple of pounds, just because that will filter out the "obsessed with skinny women" crowd who might be (will be) way more judgmental.

I used to be your weight, gained about 25 pounds, now I am 135 and get hit on more than ever and by quality guys that aren't fixated on skinniness. I think it was one of the best choices I made.


+1

I get way more looks now at 140. I do think there's something to be said for filtering out the men with weight issues


You know, I think there may be something to this. Although obviously I haven't seen your body / how you carry it, OP, 110 IS very skinny. Not thin, skinny. There is definitely a subset of men for whom a) physical fitness and being in perfect shape - think religious time-consuming workout schedule, gym culture, appearance obsessed, protein shakes...not that any one of these things is bad, but you know the type - is their absolute #1 priority to the point of it being their defining feature / way of life, and b) having a super ("unattainably") skinny wife is a status symbol, and being with someone fat (or someone who, as they're seeing it, is 'okay with being fat') is seriously their worst nightmare. I am in no way defending it, trust me, but would expect those guys to rule you out. Not that you wanted them anyways! But I could see how, if you're super skinny currently, you'd be meeting and dating more than average numbers of this type of guy.

I think PP gave you good advice. Also, unfortunately, as you age and especially if you decide to get pregnant, you will have to be insanely vigilant. And sometimes in the midst of cravings and hormonal shifts and stress and sleep deprivation and adjusted priorities (not to mention depression etc)...that focus slips for a bit. So do yourself a favor and hold out for a great guy who loves you for you, and isn't skinny-obsessed. (I would also have to second that I get a lot more male attention at 130ish than at 115. You will even read it on here all the time - guys like some curves, not skinny hard flat bodies.)
Anonymous
Post 10/10/2017 00:30     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:There are people that gain and lose and gain and lose and gain and lose 20, 30, 50lbs. On low carb, paleo, blahblahblah. Rinse, repeat.

Then there are people who were fat, and had some kind of big change (usually with a mental/emotional 'breakthrough') and lose a lot of weight. Those are the people that keep it off.

I was fat all my life, and went through something that made me experience a lot of emotional pain, but also growth - put that pain to good use. No diets, started exercising, and you can damn well be sure that my 60lbs won't return.



Op her. I agree. I have learned about myself and healthy eating during my journey. I workout 4-5x a week and love it. I love running. I revamped my entire eating habits and only eat a whole foods diet of chicken, fruits, veggies, greens, and healthy fats. I will sometimes add in dairy or a healthy starches or grains like sweet potatoes, quinoa, and brown rice. I cut out almost all junk good and quit drinking pop. I am committed to a healthier lifestyle for me, not just a guy.


What about fish?
Anonymous
Post 10/09/2017 23:56     Subject: Would You Date A Woman Who Used To Be Fat?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:So you had an health issue that caused you to gain weight and it took you years to get it under control and find the right meds, but now it is and you are back to a normal weight and guys don't want to date you when they find out? Is that who you want for a life mate, someone who would cut and run when they found out about your health issue?



Op here. Yes. I am back to my normal without of 110lbs. I have always worked out and took care of my health, but PCOS was something I couldn't control. Not to make excuses, but it's not like I just sat around eating junk food. PCOS is similar to a thyroid problem, and can cause people to gain and uncontrollable amount of weight. It's not easy to deal with.


How tall are you? 110 lbs is REALLY skinny. You might think about gaining a couple of pounds, just because that will filter out the "obsessed with skinny women" crowd who might be (will be) way more judgmental.

I used to be your weight, gained about 25 pounds, now I am 135 and get hit on more than ever and by quality guys that aren't fixated on skinniness. I think it was one of the best choices I made.


+1

I get way more looks now at 140. I do think there's something to be said for filtering out the men with weight issues