Anonymous
Post 10/06/2017 02:56     Subject: Re:Want to leave DH for lover
Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.


This. Doubt it will work out with the new guy anyway. Then you'll just be an old divorced hag who ruined her kids lives. Grow up and get a clue.
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2017 00:26     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
*want to be
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2017 00:26     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
I am a hopeless romantic & truly believe that one should live life to the fullest.

But since young children are involved here and their lives would change dramatically I would just continue the affair + stay married.

If your AP won’t stay w/you if you guys have to sneak around then that is his issue.

If you are truly not happy in your marriage, make sure that you leave for the right reasons.....
Not just because you won’t to be w/another person.
Anonymous
Post 10/06/2017 00:15     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:oh please, the fun romance will die off once you have lived together for a few years

grow up


Yes, if you lived full time with him, you would get tired of cleaning up after him and managing the social calendar for him too.



You think your AP doesn't have any flaws? This seems small compared to having a spouse that's willing to cheat on you when marriage gets hard or boring, whch your AP is. And you, too.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 16:08     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
Anonymous wrote:Life is short, I would leave. Lots of kids have divorced parents.


You're disgusting. Seriously. I don't usually wish bad things on people but I pray you never have children.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 16:08     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
It's all good as long as you didn't cohabitate before you got married!
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 16:06     Subject: Re:Want to leave DH for lover
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.


I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.


Those feelings are not coming back because you are having an affair and you are stopping those feelings from coming back as a way to justify your affair. This is all on you, not the feelings fairy who is refusing to cooperate.


+1 OP you don't want this to be true but it is


Agree. You are disgusting. You will be miserable and you deserve to be. Leave your DH and let him move onto a blissful life. Not leaving is selfish. Stop using your children to justify having your cake and eating it too. They ultimately want the parent who gave a shit about their security and their emotional health to have a shot at happiness and a fulfilled life.a
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 16:04     Subject: Re:Want to leave DH for lover
Anonymous wrote:I can't tell you how bad it sucked to share every single holiday and life event splint into two. Every major event became exhausting and over stimulating for me and by the time I was 18 I barely came around for any holiday for a good 5 years. I was so so drained. I was 8 when my parents divorced. Just because its rapidly common doesn't mean its ok or your kids won't suffer.


That must have been hard for you, but would you want to know that your parents stayed together unhappily so that you could enjoy holidays a bit more? I know it wasn't just the holidays and I don't mean to diminish, but you get my point.
My parents also divorced and although that was difficult I would not have expected or wanted for them to stay together 'for me'. I'm still happily married (as far as I know!) but I also wouldn't my spouse to stay if he didn't want to be there.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 16:01     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
Anonymous wrote:Have been in a long term affair (3 years) with a wonderful man. He recently left his wife and wants to be with me "legitimately." I am so in love with him and very badly want to leave my DH. But I can't because my DH is a nice, loving partner. I just have no romantic feelings towards him and don't know that I ever really did. But that is another discussion and a mistake I made many moons ago. Also, I have kids. And while finances aren't an issue if we divorce, obviously it will tear their world apart going from a "seemingly" happy family to two houses.

Let this be a warning to others thinking about an affair, especially an emotional one (which most women seem to have), it isn't worth the heartache in the end. I am now keenly aware of what I'm missing and will miss my entire life. And for all those that say I'm just in the affair fog, nope, I'm not. I am not thinking all would be perfect with AP if we were "really" together, blending families would suck, learning to live with someone new would be annoying, etc.


Your DH is a nice, loving partner so you have something to work with. Most unhappy women don't. Make it work and stop trying to live in LaLa land.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 16:00     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Life is short, I would leave. Lots of kids have divorced parents.


+1


-1. I think for kids whose parents have had a difficult marriage with lots of conflict, divorce is a relief even if it is almost always hard. For kids with no idea this is coming, it will be devastating. Plus mom will be focused on her new love more than in getting the kids settled into a routine of two houses and split time with parents.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 15:57     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
Anonymous wrote:Life is short, I would leave. Lots of kids have divorced parents.


+1
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 15:41     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
What makes you morally depraved, OP, is that you've been lying to your DH for three years, and have not given him the benefit of learning what kind of marriage he's actually IN versus the one he thinks he's in. Tell him about your AP and let your DH be the one to decide if you divorce or stay together!!

To pull off three years of deception requires a great deal of lying - it's just disgusting. And you seem to think you're entitled to do it because you don't feel romantic love for your DH.

There's no justifying this, OP.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 14:51     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:so do you f*ck your husband the same day after you've f*cked your AP?


Why do you ask?


just curious as to what level of utter disrespect you hold your husband
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 14:45     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
"which most women seem to have"

Nope. I value my marriage so I set appropriate boundaries in my relationships with other people so I make sure to not threaten my marriage. I'm not Mike Pence but I am mindful of getting too close.

Oh and I'm Bi...and yet I still manage to put my spouse first.

You are an immature cow.
Anonymous
Post 10/05/2017 14:31     Subject: Want to leave DH for lover
Life is short, I would leave. Lots of kids have divorced parents.