Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, I needed this article today. I am exactly the woman described. I just rekindled a relationship with an ex via text and it is pretty intense. It has really helped give me a jolt of joy from the otherwise constant resentment and anger I feel towards my husband.

I am trying to tread lightly because the ex is desperate to see me. It is a long distance situation and he wants us to meet up for a quick trip. I am 75% ready to go for it. I think it will help sustain me in my marriage.

Yes, it will sustain you in your marriage ... until you get caught (you will), and then it all blows up in your face... How about addressing why you have resentment and anger and then trying to fix what you have and made a commitment to?

I got caught. Went to couples counselling. When we got to the part where the counsellor explained my resentment to my H, as the reason, not the excuse, for my cheating, he responded, "Well, she was the one who wanted the kids." He was unable to sustain any changes, such as a more equitable workload. So - we have a DADT marriage and we both get to see the kids all the time. He'd rather know his wife was getting sex elsewhere than step up to the plate.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones or just an outlier as I have no interest in cheating. My DH is far from perfect but over many years we've grown to accept each others flaws and we simply deal with it. It helps that he is really good at things I'm lousy at and vice versa. Because of that most things seem to get done without any finger pointing. Admittedly I do a disproportionate share of managing our household but that's because I have more time and I'm crazily detail oriented which he isn't. But he is an amazing planner which I'm not. In many ways we are opposites but opposites attract. Incredibly important is that we both still have very active libidos and love sex. If one of us didn't things might be different.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm one of those women. This doesn't surprise me at all.

Are you still married? There is the old saying that when women cheat the marriage is over. So, are all of these marriages ending, or are women also now cheating and staying married?

Cheating and staying married. Not interested in the issues involved in divorce, or in remarrying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is one of the most interesting articles on infertility I've read . I was wondering how many DCUMers recognize themselves in this article ?


The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands - CNN
https://apple.news/AO9JydUJNTGmVGevgnO6t6g

When my kids leave for college I am dumping my husband, I think he knows that is my plan. He is a great dad and a good husband, but I have convinced myself there is more out there for me.

Your too old, he will be hitting that young booty

Silver Divorces are on the rise initiated by women. We don't care what booty you hit and we don't need men, we have a life and it is not completed by men.

OTOH, your young booty dumps you as soon as you get sick and nobody is there to care for you.

We get sick and our friends/social group/community is there to help us through the hard times.

I am so thankful I am not like you. So bitter. And I mean that genuinely. I’m sorry you have reached this point. I need my husband. He needs me. My life has been happily “complicated” for 30 years.

I am not sure where you are getting bitter. I am happily married for 25 years together 33. My uncles on the other hand want to know why the women in their family are not caring for their old ass after they left their wife for another woman. Of course their kids don't talk to them, but we remained cordial and included them in family events. But really dude, we are not your nurses.

I am sorry you never built a network to care for you, but your money is paying for a nice nurse. Well she isn't that nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, I needed this article today. I am exactly the woman described. I just rekindled a relationship with an ex via text and it is pretty intense. It has really helped give me a jolt of joy from the otherwise constant resentment and anger I feel towards my husband.

I am trying to tread lightly because the ex is desperate to see me. It is a long distance situation and he wants us to meet up for a quick trip. I am 75% ready to go for it. I think it will help sustain me in my marriage.

Yes, it will sustain you in your marriage ... until you get caught (you will), and then it all blows up in your face... How about addressing why you have resentment and anger and then trying to fix what you have and made a commitment to?

NP if you read the article instead of resorting to your faux puritanical outrage , you'd know that research shows women who are on affairs have done exactly what you're suggesting ,only to see things stay the same . Nobody has any lesson to take from you

Exactly. I am the poster who said that I am 75% ready to try this... I have been married for 7 years, together for 10. I have begged, pleaded, cried, had counseling... Sometimes partners simply are not willing/able to change. I have outsourced cooking, cleaning to try to alleviate stress. Now, I am in the marriage to keep my children stable and happy. We aren't yelling at each other everyday so things are manageable in the home. But the reality is that in some relationships things just devolve into roommates, but that doesn't mean that primal needs of affection, companionship, understanding go away. And this is what I am looking for outside of my marriage. Also, several articles/studies expound on the fact that you should not look to your partner to fulfill your every need. People often find fulfillment from outside social circles etc. So I am doing the same for companionship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, I needed this article today. I am exactly the woman described. I just rekindled a relationship with an ex via text and it is pretty intense. It has really helped give me a jolt of joy from the otherwise constant resentment and anger I feel towards my husband.

I am trying to tread lightly because the ex is desperate to see me. It is a long distance situation and he wants us to meet up for a quick trip. I am 75% ready to go for it. I think it will help sustain me in my marriage.

Yes, it will sustain you in your marriage ... until you get caught (you will), and then it all blows up in your face... How about addressing why you have resentment and anger and then trying to fix what you have and made a commitment to?

NP if you read the article instead of resorting to your faux puritanical outrage , you'd know that research shows women who are on affairs have done exactly what you're suggesting ,only to see things stay the same . Nobody has any lesson to take from you

That's not really what the article says about research. It says that there was a sociologist who offered the opinion that "A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands." That same sociologist says that "what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex." However, studies on the division of labor and sex are contradictory at best: "Results show that both husbands and wives in couples with more traditional housework arrangements report higher sexual frequency, suggesting the importance of gender display rather than marital exchange for sex between heterosexual married partners."
www.asanet.org/sites/default/files/savvy/journals/ASR/Feb13ASRFeature.pdf

Whatever the merits of "choreplay," I don't think the article reliably supports the idea that these cheating women have necessarily tried very hard to address the causes of their resentment. Some have and some have not. PP should try to address the resentment before chasing the easier excitement of an affair.

ha ha ha.... Man here, we divide the labor in our house pretty equally in terms of all the chores, child-rearing, carpooling, cooking, you name it. Sex? What's that?

What's good for the goose is good for the gander!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, I needed this article today. I am exactly the woman described. I just rekindled a relationship with an ex via text and it is pretty intense. It has really helped give me a jolt of joy from the otherwise constant resentment and anger I feel towards my husband.

I am trying to tread lightly because the ex is desperate to see me. It is a long distance situation and he wants us to meet up for a quick trip. I am 75% ready to go for it. I think it will help sustain me in my marriage.

Yes, it will sustain you in your marriage ... until you get caught (you will), and then it all blows up in your face... How about addressing why you have resentment and anger and then trying to fix what you have and made a commitment to?

NP if you read the article instead of resorting to your faux puritanical outrage , you'd know that research shows women who are on affairs have done exactly what you're suggesting ,only to see things stay the same . Nobody has any lesson to take from you

That's not really what the article says about research. It says that there was a sociologist who offered the opinion that "A lot of women have tried to address these problems and have faced a lot of stubbornness from husbands." That same sociologist says that "what social scientists are finding now is that there is a correlation between equal division of labor and better sex." However, studies on the division of labor and sex are contradictory at best: "Results show that both husbands and wives in couples with more traditional housework arrangements report higher sexual frequency, suggesting the importance of gender display rather than marital exchange for sex between heterosexual married partners."
www.asanet.org/sites/default/files/savvy/journals/ASR/Feb13ASRFeature.pdf

Whatever the merits of "choreplay," I don't think the article reliably supports the idea that these cheating women have necessarily tried very hard to address the causes of their resentment. Some have and some have not. PP should try to address the resentment before chasing the easier excitement of an affair.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is one of the most interesting articles on infertility I've read . I was wondering how many DCUMers recognize themselves in this article ?


The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands - CNN
https://apple.news/AO9JydUJNTGmVGevgnO6t6g

When my kids leave for college I am dumping my husband, I think he knows that is my plan. He is a great dad and a good husband, but I have convinced myself there is more out there for me.

Your too old, he will be hitting that young booty

Silver Divorces are on the rise initiated by women. We don't care what booty you hit and we don't need men, we have a life and it is not completed by men.

OTOH, your young booty dumps you as soon as you get sick and nobody is there to care for you.

We get sick and our friends/social group/community is there to help us through the hard times.

I am so thankful I am not like you. So bitter. And I mean that genuinely. I’m sorry you have reached this point. I need my husband. He needs me. My life has been happily “complicated” for 30 years.

Sometimes I feel like my DH and I are the only ones with a long (30 years), happy marriage. It makes me sad. We have so many friends who have divorced. I have no desire at all to cheat.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
This is one of the most interesting articles on infertility I've read . I was wondering how many DCUMers recognize themselves in this article ?


The changing reasons why women cheat on their husbands - CNN
https://apple.news/AO9JydUJNTGmVGevgnO6t6g

When my kids leave for college I am dumping my husband, I think he knows that is my plan. He is a great dad and a good husband, but I have convinced myself there is more out there for me.

Your too old, he will be hitting that young booty

Silver Divorces are on the rise initiated by women. We don't care what booty you hit and we don't need men, we have a life and it is not completed by men.

OTOH, your young booty dumps you as soon as you get sick and nobody is there to care for you.

We get sick and our friends/social group/community is there to help us through the hard times.

Guy : so true, marriage is a dead as an institution. Law should be changed to reflect the new reality

We have been to counseling. DH decided he didn't want to go anymore. Unfortunately I don't think the issues are fixable. I'll try to talk about my day at work and what is going on with the kids and he will stare at his phone screen and ignore me. I don't think he wants to be married to me any more. I don't want to get a divorce, but I feel so sad thinking that no one will ever be attracted to me or interested in me ever again.

To the poster at 9:22, you are likely still very attractive. I am sure there are men interested in you right now.

Resonates with me. It's why I did it (unmet needs, primarily emotional). Ended up divorcing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, I needed this article today. I am exactly the woman described. I just rekindled a relationship with an ex via text and it is pretty intense. It has really helped give me a jolt of joy from the otherwise constant resentment and anger I feel towards my husband.

I am trying to tread lightly because the ex is desperate to see me. It is a long distance situation and he wants us to meet up for a quick trip. I am 75% ready to go for it. I think it will help sustain me in my marriage.

Yes, it will sustain you in your marriage ... until you get caught (you will), and then it all blows up in your face... How about addressing why you have resentment and anger and then trying to fix what you have and made a commitment to?

I agree that you're playing with fire, PP. You're vulnerable right now. Your ex is preying on this, in a way, and showing he doesn't really have the best interests of you or your kids in mind. You are both acting out of selfishness, which is a hard thing to resist, as we're all just human. While it brings back all kinds of intense and wonderful feelings to do what you're doing, they're about as real and sustainable as the effects of a drug, and with as many potentially bad side effects.

It's true what someone said earlier. You will find you're just trading one set of problems and miseries for another. Men are fun, but most are not great as domestic partners. I've been through a few, and have come to realize that a good collection of sex toys and focus on my own self-worth and happiness bring more satisfaction and peace of mind than new and exciting relationships can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus, I needed this article today. I am exactly the woman described. I just rekindled a relationship with an ex via text and it is pretty intense. It has really helped give me a jolt of joy from the otherwise constant resentment and anger I feel towards my husband.

I am trying to tread lightly because the ex is desperate to see me. It is a long distance situation and he wants us to meet up for a quick trip. I am 75% ready to go for it. I think it will help sustain me in my marriage.

if you do this then you have an obligation to post on every thread where the DCUM harpies are lashing out against men being cheating horn dogs who have no regard for their wives and families.

seriously, are you really this stupid?

You must be new around here. On this forum almost anything a woman does is justified while a male doing the same thing is a maggot who must be punished.