Anonymous
09/24/2017 07:46
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, we are nearly identical in salary, time worked, and DH job situations. I have accepted the situation and am very involved in a hobby to help me feel challenged outside of my career (but that is flexible in the time it occurs). It works for us, but if it's not working for you, change it. You shouldn't be unhappy and unfulfilled.
Ok two people with 5hr day telework jobs -- what do yo do!!so jealous.
I'd like one too please.
It kind of seems unfair that it falls to wives with wealthy earning DHs, but maybe there is correlation
Depends on the definition of "it." What are you talking about?
Anonymous
09/24/2017 07:22
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
I walked away from all of the teleworking from home stuff and just became a SAHM when I was in OPs position. We didn't need the money, and I found almost no satisfaction from working out of a home office. Mostly, it was just a PITA, doing the same thing I'd done for more than 10 years in an office but without the social interaction. To me, satisfying work means being with smart colleagues in a fast-moving office, accomplishing something together. It has all worked out, and I've been able to find meaningful volunteer options as the kids got older.
Anonymous
09/23/2017 23:17
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You need to look at this from the holistic view of what works for the family unit, not for two individuals. Is what you have now the best from the perspective of money, time, and family? In general, there is always going to be someone with the primary job and income, the secondary job which factors into the primary job, and the running of the family. The only thing that feminism changed is that the primary job doesn't have to belong to the husband.
Says the white male father whose full time working wife magically runs the entire household, property and kids' development.
*Shrug* The OP made a choice years ago, and now regrets that choice. The question is what to do about it. The husband is living up to his part of the bargain, she doesn't want to anymore. She has the flexibility to do other things, but for some reason wants her husband to scale back his ambitions. This isn't necessary and doesn't make sense. Again, this seems like either (a) regret, or (b) a desire to be her husband's "equal" (or perhaps "equal" to her friends, of whom she is jealous of their success).
As is almost always the case on DCUM, the problem ultimately comes down to insecurity and low self-esteem. The OP makes more than 90% of families (never mind individuals) in the richest country on Earth, but because her husband or friends make more, it's still not enough. If she respected herself, it would be. But she doesn't, so it isn't. Meanwhile, 300 million people elsewhere in the US muddle by on less.
It should be enough, but if it isn't then it's up to her to find a way to make more money.
Anonymous
09/23/2017 22:37
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You need to look at this from the holistic view of what works for the family unit, not for two individuals. Is what you have now the best from the perspective of money, time, and family? In general, there is always going to be someone with the primary job and income, the secondary job which factors into the primary job, and the running of the family. The only thing that feminism changed is that the primary job doesn't have to belong to the husband.
Says the white male father whose full time working wife magically runs the entire household, property and kids' development.
*Shrug* The OP made a choice years ago, and now regrets that choice. The question is what to do about it. The husband is living up to his part of the bargain, she doesn't want to anymore. She has the flexibility to do other things, but for some reason wants her husband to scale back his ambitions. This isn't necessary and doesn't make sense. Again, this seems like either (a) regret, or (b) a desire to be her husband's "equal" (or perhaps "equal" to her friends, of whom she is jealous of their success).
As is almost always the case on DCUM, the problem ultimately comes down to insecurity and low self-esteem. The OP makes more than 90% of families (never mind individuals) in the richest country on Earth, but because her husband or friends make more, it's still not enough. If she respected herself, it would be. But she doesn't, so it isn't. Meanwhile, 300 million people elsewhere in the US muddle by on less.
Anonymous
09/23/2017 22:33
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You need to look at this from the holistic view of what works for the family unit, not for two individuals. Is what you have now the best from the perspective of money, time, and family? In general, there is always going to be someone with the primary job and income, the secondary job which factors into the primary job, and the running of the family. The only thing that feminism changed is that the primary job doesn't have to belong to the husband.
Says the white male father whose full time working wife magically runs the entire household, property and kids' development.
*Shrug* The OP made a choice years ago, and now regrets that choice. The question is what to do about it. The husband is living up to his part of the bargain, she doesn't want to anymore. She has the flexibility to do other things, but for some reason wants her husband to scale back his ambitions. This isn't necessary and doesn't make sense. Again, this seems like either (a) regret, or (b) a desire to be her husband's "equal" (or perhaps "equal" to her friends, of whom she is jealous of their success).
Anonymous
09/23/2017 22:15
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:You need to look at this from the holistic view of what works for the family unit, not for two individuals. Is what you have now the best from the perspective of money, time, and family? In general, there is always going to be someone with the primary job and income, the secondary job which factors into the primary job, and the running of the family. The only thing that feminism changed is that the primary job doesn't have to belong to the husband.
Says the white male father whose full time working wife magically runs the entire household, property and kids' development.
Anonymous
09/23/2017 08:43
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:You work 5 hours a day and are paid for it. Stop whining am trying to compete with your husband. Use the other 5 hours to start a business - there you go money and flexibility.
BINGO. We have a winner. Starting your own company allows you to grow your income and career. There are plenty of Internet-based business models that allow you to work anytime, anywhere.
The alternative is that you agree with your husband to live off his salary and save yours. That way, if you ever get divorced you get half or most of that money.
Anonymous
09/22/2017 16:38
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in your exact same position as well. I telecommute 100%, have little oversight from the home office, and while some times I do work a solid 8+ hour day, it is usually around 3-5 hours. I earn $250k/yr though, which I KNOW is super lucky but I've worked hard and earned this. My DH is earning about $750k/yr.
There are times when I see others in my field that are not mommy-tracked like me and I get so jealous. Part of me really wants to be the "head of" or "running" something or possibly earning more. I am not where I should be at my level on earnings.
But, then I remember that I really do have the best of both worlds. I get to pick the kids up after school and spend quality time with them. I get to attend all the after-school activities with the SAHs but I also get to hang with the WOHs when I want to as well.
And while DH certainly contributes more to our lifestyle than I do, I love having my own money, my own retirement and investments. It makes me feel like I have a material result of my hard work.
We should have lunch sometime!
Nope, no one "earns" the right to make more as an individual than 90% of families in a country, much less 99.9% of families around the planet. You got lucky in so many ways. But it's ego-preserving to feel that you weren't.
Anonymous
09/22/2017 13:06
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:$100k-$250k telework jobs 5 hrs a day? What do you do!!!
I work in a very niche position for a large, global company. I have literally spent my entire working career at this one place (at one point, a headhunter chided me for not moving positions). I am the only person in this position in the U.S.
It wasn't always this nice, cushy job. There have been points where the job was insane and various bosses/colleagues even crazier. Early on, I had lots of overseas travel which sounds fun but really isn't, and I had to miss a lot of family events, weddings, etc. because I was abroad.
There have been - and sometimes still are - really insane hours not in the number of hours but working in the middle of the night to collaborate with colleagues overseas. At one point, I told them I was going to leave at the end of my maternity leave and they came back to renegotiate with me because they needed my institutional knowledge.
I know I'm really lucky but I feel like I paid my dues and have earned this.
What industry??
Anonymous
09/22/2017 11:06
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, I am in your exact same position as well. I telecommute 100%, have little oversight from the home office, and while some times I do work a solid 8+ hour day, it is usually around 3-5 hours. I earn $250k/yr though, which I KNOW is super lucky but I've worked hard and earned this. My DH is earning about $750k/yr.
There are times when I see others in my field that are not mommy-tracked like me and I get so jealous. Part of me really wants to be the "head of" or "running" something or possibly earning more. I am not where I should be at my level on earnings.
But, then I remember that I really do have the best of both worlds. I get to pick the kids up after school and spend quality time with them. I get to attend all the after-school activities with the SAHs but I also get to hang with the WOHs when I want to as well.
And while DH certainly contributes more to our lifestyle than I do, I love having my own money, my own retirement and investments. It makes me feel like I have a material result of my hard work.
We should have lunch sometime!
I feel so sorry for you that you earn 1 million dollars a year! That must be so tough. Maybe there is s support group that could help you to accolade $ for nanny, house cleaners, meal prep, organizational support. Maybe a personal assistant?
Mommy-tracked at $250K a year! The shame!!!
Actually, when your colleagues are earning double that (or more) for doing the same thing, well, yes. I'm lucky that I'm in an industry that pays really well.
Anonymous
09/22/2017 11:04
Subject: putting any career advancement on hold indefinitely because your spouse works a big job
Anonymous wrote:$100k-$250k telework jobs 5 hrs a day? What do you do!!!
I work in a very niche position for a large, global company. I have literally spent my entire working career at this one place (at one point, a headhunter chided me for not moving positions). I am the only person in this position in the U.S.
It wasn't always this nice, cushy job. There have been points where the job was insane and various bosses/colleagues even crazier. Early on, I had lots of overseas travel which sounds fun but really isn't, and I had to miss a lot of family events, weddings, etc. because I was abroad.
There have been - and sometimes still are - really insane hours not in the number of hours but working in the middle of the night to collaborate with colleagues overseas. At one point, I told them I was going to leave at the end of my maternity leave and they came back to renegotiate with me because they needed my institutional knowledge.
I know I'm really lucky but I feel like I paid my dues and have earned this.