Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

But aren't most women the family manager? I work full time and do everything on your list except volunteer. I do a lot during my lunch hour.

Yeah I don't get this either. PP, all working parents do everything on your list. AND work.

Working parents get it all done, too, but they do tend to outsource more of the domestic duties and I can't blame them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

But aren't most women the family manager? I work full time and do everything on your list except volunteer. I do a lot during my lunch hour.

Yeah I don't get this either. PP, all working parents do everything on your list. AND work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

I think SAHM is appropriate, to distinguish from mothers that work outside the home. This list is a list of things that everyone does -- I have literally done everything on this list in the past two weeks, except I took my mother to Home Depot last week, not the doctor, and school is not in session right now so no volunteering. Family manager is a role that exists if you have a family. The question is what do you call people who have kids and don't have paid employment.

"Domestic Engineer", or as Roseanne put it "Domestic Goddess". CEO of (random) MLM. Pick your title.

As for me, I think that SAHM describes what I do best.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

I think SAHM is appropriate, to distinguish from mothers that work outside the home. This list is a list of things that everyone does -- I have literally done everything on this list in the past two weeks, except I took my mother to Home Depot last week, not the doctor, and school is not in session right now so no volunteering. Family manager is a role that exists if you have a family. The question is what do you call people who have kids and don't have paid employment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree that raising children in the year 2017 is a lot more work than doing it in 1957. Back then the emphasis was much more on adult relationships and everything revolved around the man's needs. Now it revolves around the children. Uou used to shoo them outside and make them play on their own all day. Now you are supposed to be actively engaging and enriching them for most of the day, shuttling them around to various activities, hosting "play dates" (a word that probably did not even exist in 1957), making sure everything they eat is organic and homemade, etc. etc.

Back in the day when everyone had a SAHM and everyone's dad worked 30/40 years for the same company and they lived in the same house with the same neighbors....and you really could shoo your kids out the door in the morning and tell them to be back before dark because you knew every person on your street and everyone knew you, anything that a kid did would get back to their parents.....yeah, that was a different reality.

Times have changed.

Right which is why the language we use has changed as well. That's my point. Back in the day, your main concern as a housewife was keeping the house clean and making sure hubby was happy. Now it's about being a cruise director for kids. Different world.

Anonymous wrote:I think we can all agree that raising children in the year 2017 is a lot more work than doing it in 1957. Back then the emphasis was much more on adult relationships and everything revolved around the man's needs. Now it revolves around the children. Uou used to shoo them outside and make them play on their own all day. Now you are supposed to be actively engaging and enriching them for most of the day, shuttling them around to various activities, hosting "play dates" (a word that probably did not even exist in 1957), making sure everything they eat is organic and homemade, etc. etc.

Back in the day when everyone had a SAHM and everyone's dad worked 30/40 years for the same company and they lived in the same house with the same neighbors....and you really could shoo your kids out the door in the morning and tell them to be back before dark because you knew every person on your street and everyone knew you, anything that a kid did would get back to their parents.....yeah, that was a different reality.

Times have changed.

I think we can all agree that raising children in the year 2017 is a lot more work than doing it in 1957. Back then the emphasis was much more on adult relationships and everything revolved around the man's needs. Now it revolves around the children. Uou used to shoo them outside and make them play on their own all day. Now you are supposed to be actively engaging and enriching them for most of the day, shuttling them around to various activities, hosting "play dates" (a word that probably did not even exist in 1957), making sure everything they eat is organic and homemade, etc. etc.

Anonymous wrote:I use "retired" when buying cars and doing taxes.

-SAHM

+1

I don't do much "housework" either. We outsourced before kids and still outsource today. Not really my thing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer in early retirement.

Retirement implies you worked and saved up enough assets to be financially independent and no longer work.

SAHM is not living off her investments earned thru work, unless you consider her relationship to her DH work.

Correct. I am financially independent.

O.k. So trust fund babies can say the same exact thing, right?

Sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer in early retirement.

Retirement implies you worked and saved up enough assets to be financially independent and no longer work.

SAHM is not living off her investments earned thru work, unless you consider her relationship to her DH work.

Correct. I am financially independent.

O.k. So trust fund babies can say the same exact thing, right?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a SAHM/housewife and was glad when she was old enough she could just say she was retired. Do I have to wait until I'm 65 to say I'm retired? Why don't men call themselves working husbands/dads? stay at home dads? Work at home husbands? It's stupid. We need a new name for SAHMs/wives. Homemaker is stupid title too. The Real Housewives franchise has made it so no one wants to call themselves a housewife.

She's not retired if she never worked and never earned a pension.

My husband and I both have large retirement portfolios. I can't imagine relying on one spouse'.

And if you meet her, and if she says that she's retired, you can then say, "No, you're not."

Other than that, really, how is it any business of yours, what she calls herself?

eh, there are retired people who have decades of work under their belt but can only afford to retire at their current lifestyle because they have a spouse who continues to work. Maybe they won't begin to collect a pension until they are of "retirement age". If they have no children at home or their kids are school aged should we tell them "No. You aren't really retired. You are a housewife/househusband/homemaker"?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lawyer in early retirement.

Retirement implies you worked and saved up enough assets to be financially independent and no longer work.

SAHM is not living off her investments earned thru work, unless you consider her relationship to her DH work.

Correct. I am financially independent.

I really don't care what you call me.

My job is to raise my kids, manage the household and give back to the community as a volunteer. My days are pretty full.

If I was working for pay, I would cut back on something else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One and the same.

I agree, but at the same time, I'm a SAHM of school-aged children. It's summer so I am totally feeling the SAHM vibe - because it is all day, every day - but during the school year, I'm a housewife. Full stop.

Once the kids are on that bus at 8:45, it's me until I get them at 4pm. I'm doing stuff for the HOUSE, or stuff for me (the WIFE). There really is no "mom" in the equation for about 7 hours, unless of course someone is sick or school is out.

Agreed SAHM of school age kids is a housewife.

I respectfully disagree. After my kids go off to school, I'm still doing a lot of things that benefit my kids directly, although they are not with me. I may be volunteering in their school, grocery shopping, getting rid of the outgrown clothes and toys in their closets, mowing the lawn, taking the car to the garage for an oil change, picking up dry cleaning, taking the grandparents to doctor appointments, fixing random broken things around the house or searching for lost items, picking up books that have been reserved at the library, planning weekend outings/play dates or family vacations, taking pets to the vet, gardening ...
Both stay at home mom and housewife are misnomers. I'm hardly ever home. We need new terminology. Maybe "family manager"?

But aren't most women the family manager? I work full time and do everything on your list except volunteer. I do a lot during my lunch hour.

I'm the PP originally wuoted. I also volunteer occasionally at the school. But truly, out of the 35 hours a week in without a kid, the few hours I'm at the school don't change much. I'm not *with* my children. And every adult does the other things you listed, regardless of employment.

I am in the most of this is semantics camp, but essentially I stayed home for the first 2years of my DC's life. Then went back to work for year 3 and some of 4...and then DH decided to seek employment elsewhere and we moved cities. While it was a joint decision to move, it was not as clear how hard it would be for me to find employment in my field here. So, in theory I'm a SAHM, but my search for work, and dabeling with short term contract projects, and staying involved through professional organizations means I'm doing work, but it isn't paid. I frequently stumble between saying my profession (which I haven't worked in officially for a year) SAHM, (though now I just learned I'm becoming a housewife when DC starts K in the fall.) and straight up saying I'm unemployed.

All this is to say, titles matter because what we do all day does influence our sense of identity. Most situations are using that title to size you up and put you in one category or another, and if you want to call yourself "Family Manager" great, go for it.