Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when there is a new woman that comes into the family, and they were not raised with the same dynamics and idiosyncrasies, it can b difficult for the new woman, that your brother chose and married. It seems that you might be threatened that those dynamics (likely favorable to you, questionably favorable to your brother) will be disrupted or questioned, or even "found out". I can see no other reason why you are so closed and defensive.

Why not show your new SIL that you are a warm, inclusive and caring family; and that you are not threatened by your brother's choice (likely very, very different than you!) and her mere presence? I can't imagine having your attitude and having it go well. And I certainly can not imagine being surprised about that, as you seem.

Huh? OP here. My SIL and I get along really well. I just noticed a weird dynamic with posters chasing after SILs who were either:
a) Clearly just not that into a close relationship
b) They are at odds for whatever reason.

So move on! Don't expect your SIL to braid your hair or seek your advice or text you every day. Just let her be. If you get along, great! If not, just be cordial and move on.

So OP, what you are asking others to do does not come from a place of understanding what they are going through. So easy to say something like this when you have not had similar experiences. You are basically saying, “OK. Your dad died. Who cares. Get over it.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, when there is a new woman that comes into the family, and they were not raised with the same dynamics and idiosyncrasies, it can b difficult for the new woman, that your brother chose and married. It seems that you might be threatened that those dynamics (likely favorable to you, questionably favorable to your brother) will be disrupted or questioned, or even "found out". I can see no other reason why you are so closed and defensive.

Why not show your new SIL that you are a warm, inclusive and caring family; and that you are not threatened by your brother's choice (likely very, very different than you!) and her mere presence? I can't imagine having your attitude and having it go well. And I certainly can not imagine being surprised about that, as you seem.

Huh? OP here. My SIL and I get along really well. I just noticed a weird dynamic with posters chasing after SILs who were either:
a) Clearly just not that into a close relationship
b) They are at odds for whatever reason.

So move on! Don't expect your SIL to braid your hair or seek your advice or text you every day. Just let her be. If you get along, great! If not, just be cordial and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many threads lately about cold SILs, aloof SILs, selfish SILs, etc. Do you people not realize that *you don't have to be best friends with your SILs?* News flash: just because your husband has a sister, does not mean she's going to be a superclose sister with you.

All you have to do is be polite and cordial and get along reasonably well. And if you two can't manage that, disengage and just LEAVE HER ALONE.

It is really that simple.

Sometimes you can't just LEAVE HER ALONE. I'd be fine if I never saw my SIL again, but that's not an option, as I imagine it isn't for most of the people who post about their SILs.

I would be much happier if I never had to see her ever again. Same with her mother.

Anonymous wrote:OP, when there is a new woman that comes into the family, and they were not raised with the same dynamics and idiosyncrasies, it can b difficult for the new woman, that your brother chose and married. It seems that you might be threatened that those dynamics (likely favorable to you, questionably favorable to your brother) will be disrupted or questioned, or even "found out". I can see no other reason why you are so closed and defensive.

Why not show your new SIL that you are a warm, inclusive and caring family; and that you are not threatened by your brother's choice (likely very, very different than you!) and her mere presence? I can't imagine having your attitude and having it go well. And I certainly can not imagine being surprised about that, as you seem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus OP, why do you even care? Maybe some of us had really good, close relationships with our brothers before the SIL came into the picture, and we're mourning those relationships because her aloofness and disinterest in being part of our family means we've lost that closeness. And maybe we're also mourning not being close with their kids, or our kids not being close with their cousins? All of which we are allowed to feel, btw. Just as we might regret losing a friend who got married and essentially disappeared from our lives. Yes, there is nothing we can do about it, and disengaging is ultimately the answer. But it can still be frustrating. And venting here on an anonymous board is a hell of a lot healthier than keeping those feelings bottled up, or God forbid, letting them loose on our brothers or SILs.

Here's a crazy thought. If YOU are so bothered by these types of threads, don't read them.

If you have to mourn the relationship you imagined you would have with your brother's kids or your kids would have with his then that's on you for not considering your brother and his wife might want to raise their family in a way that doesn't fit with your fairytale dreams.