Anonymous wrote:OP needs a regular, full time, better paying job, period. No way she working FT for $1200/month.

If the autistic kid is as bad as she says, he qualifies for free preschool/school and probably after school respite care too. He may also qualify for WIC.

OP has plenty of options, she just doesn't like any of them.

I work full-time. Six hour days, six days a week, yes, I understand that's not 40 hours a week but it is still full time. Three days a week I have open, during work hours, for therapies and doctors appointments. Of which there are plenty.

The kids are on Medicaid since insurance from my employer was $1500 a month and when I went through the exchange I was able to get it for free.
WIC isn't an option as I have teenagers.
We chose the county we live in because of the services available for special needs children and adults. There is a waiting list for respite care and summer programs. The school district has been able to provide wonderful services, miles above what we were getting in the DC area. It's easier to cater to an individual child when there are 1,500 kids in the district versus 150,000. My neuro-typical child is able to take advanced classes and will be taking high school math in middle school and her music instruction has been pretty phenomenal. The kids are so much happier here than they have ever been in their lives. They love caring for the animals

I did apply for foodstamps yesterday and am crossing my fingers that we're approved. It's not my ideal but I am not going to feel guilty about it at this juncture.

As far as finding a better paying job goes, I could, if I didn't have such unpredictable circumstances at home. I have to cut out of work to pick up the Autistic child from school, or deal with a meltdown at home.... I wouldn't wish my child's disabilities on anyone nor would I want to inflict parenting such a child on anyone. I know that some of this is inherited from the dad. And boy, do I wish that I had seen this side of my XDH when we were dating or before we had kids. It slowly leaked out over time, so slowly that I didn't see how bad it had gotten until it was intolerable. XDH doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, but another PP was right, he does have an addiction problem. He's addicted to porn.

I do go one night a week and sell eggs and produce but sales vary. Some weeks I come home with 4 bucks and other weeks I make 40. It's anyone's guess, really.

Despite having a farmhouse I have just over an acre of land and no barns. I have a small goat house for the dairy goats that I am milking so we have milk to drink and not to make soap. Maybe if/when I am milking all six but right now only two are producing milk. We have chickens for eggs and I am co-oping pigs and have several out back that I am responsible for feeding and tending to but not that I am paying to feed. When the pigs are ready to butcher I will be out nothing but time and I will have a freezer full of meat. I also have a boarder that XDH and I invited to live here in exchange for animal care and feed. He got a different job and works early mornings so we now split the feedings, I do mornings and he does afternoons. He also repairs fences, mows the lawn, and fixes things around the house. Home repairs are a huge savings and a relief.

I've sold the little jewelry I had.

I appreciate the ideas. I am swallowing my pride and applying for services and benefits.
The kids don't know that I sold my wedding rings to get them laptops for Christmas last year, nor do they ever have an empty fridge or known hunger. I wouldn't do that to them. I've also never told them they can't do an extra curricular activity or go to a friends house because I can't afford the cost or the gas. I am the adult and I am the one that feels the burden or the hunger. I have a wonderful friend that paid for a gym membership for me so that I can take an hour or so for myself a few days a week. It's also my therapy. She will take the kids and I out to dinner once a month so the kids don't notice our monthly dinners out are missing. Luckily we've never been big on dinners out.

Anonymous wrote:Boarding live stock is insane amount of work. I am guessing people suggesting it never did anything of this kind? We are talking early feeding, purchasing bales of hay and grain, midnight vet calls if animal is sick, Cleaning and heating barns, there is something that goes wrong non stop. This is not a good idea for a woman with several kids and one disabled at that. People who have no money, simply can't make money out of these kind of ventures, OP has $100 left, that is two copays if she even has health insurance, that is hungry kids. The only option I see is asking community centers, churches, social workers for help. If her house is worth a lot of money, she might not qualify for government help. The other things I can suggest if just hoping somebody who needs a place to stay and has a little money is open for renting a room and sharing the living space. I think OP needs to start looking for a better paying job, and see if she can get help for her disabled child.

I was thinking only of renting out the space - like a stable. The owners can do the work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just had another idea. Since you have a farmhouse, do you have a barn or stable? Could you provide housing for someone's horse?!

Being open to boarding horses requires you know how to care for a horse. Also it's a 7 day a week job, because horses need care (like food) EVERY day, not just the days that are convenient. So no, this does not sound like a good fit for OP.

It's not that hard to take care of a horse, although it IS work and takes time. At the very least, you have to feed the horse 2x a day and clean the stalls once a day. You don't have to exercise the horse, as long as you have some sort of fencing, you can let them run around most of the day.

You can set the terms and be involved as little or as much as you like. But of course the more involved the more money yo can make.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A judge is letting you FORGO child support with a disabled child? Huh? That judge needs to be taken off the bench.

Do NOT forgo child support. Period. Moving the kids is FAR better than your emotional decision to put them at HUGE financial risk for the rest of their childhood.

Her ex doesn't make any money, so the child support is a moot point.

No, its not moot. Even if he doesn't make money, he should be required by the judge to be looking for work and paying at least nominal child support in the meantime (usually based on minimum wage).

The judge is violating ethical practices here by allowing this to go forward. OP, go back to the bargaining table, or if its finalized take him back to court for child support. Yes, I'm dead serious.

She agreed to it. A judge blessed it after she and we ex agreed to it. She should file for child support. In no way is this house way out in the kids best interests. You seem to have really wanted the house. No way a school in the boonies is providing better services for a disabled child. What school?

Are you getting SSI payments for your disabled dc?
Medicaid? Medicaid will pay for respite care.

You might qualify for a property tax reduction based on your circumstances. Call the tax office and ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can I state the obvious? You need to apply for government assistance. SNAP at the very least.

And disability for you child. ASAP. It's what it's there for!

If there are universities nearby, rent out of room. Vet people closely and demand all sorts of assurances. Even if you just manage the $4k a year by renting out ($333/month), you've got what you need.

Is there an open air market nearby? Bake pies and cupcakes. You can make enough to cover a bill that'll free you up.

I do seasonal fed work to bring in clumps of money that I need for uniforms and Xmas. It looks good on my resume, uses my skills, and covers the financial gaps.

Lastly, please go to a pro bono legal clinic at your local social service and see what your options are re XH. Four grand a year is not a lot to ask/demand.

What seasonal fed work do you do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A judge is letting you FORGO child support with a disabled child? Huh? That judge needs to be taken off the bench.

Do NOT forgo child support. Period. Moving the kids is FAR better than your emotional decision to put them at HUGE financial risk for the rest of their childhood.

Her ex doesn't make any money, so the child support is a moot point.

No, its not moot. Even if he doesn't make money, he should be required by the judge to be looking for work and paying at least nominal child support in the meantime (usually based on minimum wage).

The judge is violating ethical practices here by allowing this to go forward. OP, go back to the bargaining table, or if its finalized take him back to court for child support. Yes, I'm dead serious.

Depends on the value of the house. Also, if OP is in a guidelines state she will be responsible for the majority of the payments and if her XDH has been unemployed for that long and has serious mental issues they may not impute income to him.

That said, XDH's lawyer may have screwed up because permanent waivers of child support are generally unenforceable. That was a dumb move to agree to that.

Boarding live stock is insane amount of work. I am guessing people suggesting it never did anything of this kind? We are talking early feeding, purchasing bales of hay and grain, midnight vet calls if animal is sick, Cleaning and heating barns, there is something that goes wrong non stop. This is not a good idea for a woman with several kids and one disabled at that. People who have no money, simply can't make money out of these kind of ventures, OP has $100 left, that is two copays if she even has health insurance, that is hungry kids. The only option I see is asking community centers, churches, social workers for help. If her house is worth a lot of money, she might not qualify for government help. The other things I can suggest if just hoping somebody who needs a place to stay and has a little money is open for renting a room and sharing the living space. I think OP needs to start looking for a better paying job, and see if she can get help for her disabled child.

Anonymous wrote:I just had another idea. Since you have a farmhouse, do you have a barn or stable? Could you provide housing for someone's horse?!

Being open to boarding horses requires you know how to care for a horse. Also it's a 7 day a week job, because horses need care (like food) EVERY day, not just the days that are convenient. So no, this does not sound like a good fit for OP.

Call to see if you can set up a payment plan on the property taxes.

Sell jewelry and everything else that you can.

Get/borrow money from relatives.

The boarding livestock, horses idea is a good one.

Work at another job, taskrabbit or some such, that allows you a second income.

Try to get some gov't help.

It can be confusing to identify and apply for benefits - OP, if you are not clear on what you need, start looking up the programs mentioned and perhaps make contact with a community organization that can help you navigate the system. Given what you have said, you must qualify for some help, and even a little bit of help is going to make the difference between meeting your bills and coming up short. I wouldn't start taking out loans against your property - although you might sell if a lump of cash could change your circumstances in a substantial way.

I don't know where you are and what housing options there are, but I agree that you would be crazy to trade a house you own free and clear for a rental. That said, you do need to make sure you can swing basic maintenance. Think carefully about how you can make this one asset make little bits of money. You mentioned renting to someone's animals. Perhaps look into renting an extra room for cheap - it might not be a nice rental but maybe there's another person who, like you, just wants a safe place to live that doesn't cost too much. You might find the right person. Another single mom?

OP needs a regular, full time, better paying job, period. No way she working FT for $1200/month.

If the autistic kid is as bad as she says, he qualifies for free preschool/school and probably after school respite care too. He may also qualify for WIC.

OP has plenty of options, she just doesn't like any of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A judge is letting you FORGO child support with a disabled child? Huh? That judge needs to be taken off the bench.

Do NOT forgo child support. Period. Moving the kids is FAR better than your emotional decision to put them at HUGE financial risk for the rest of their childhood.

Her ex doesn't make any money, so the child support is a moot point.

No, its not moot. Even if he doesn't make money, he should be required by the judge to be looking for work and paying at least nominal child support in the meantime (usually based on minimum wage).

The judge is violating ethical practices here by allowing this to go forward. OP, go back to the bargaining table, or if its finalized take him back to court for child support. Yes, I'm dead serious.

The ex sounds like he has mental issues that make keeping a job, any job, impossible. (my guess is addiction)

What you are saying makes sense, but practically speaking you're advising OP to expend energy that has a very very low likelihood of ever resulting in any child support payments. OP is better off letting this go and expending her energy on her child and making money.

And no, I'm not a deadbeat dad. I'm a female who has seen how mental illness plays out in people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A judge is letting you FORGO child support with a disabled child? Huh? That judge needs to be taken off the bench.

Do NOT forgo child support. Period. Moving the kids is FAR better than your emotional decision to put them at HUGE financial risk for the rest of their childhood.

Her ex doesn't make any money, so the child support is a moot point.

No, its not moot. Even if he doesn't make money, he should be required by the judge to be looking for work and paying at least nominal child support in the meantime (usually based on minimum wage).

The judge is violating ethical practices here by allowing this to go forward. OP, go back to the bargaining table, or if its finalized take him back to court for child support. Yes, I'm dead serious.

Rent a room in your house. Even if it's for 300 a month .