Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I'm not online dating. I'm thinner than 85% of married moms but I'm single with all of the pressures and stress that come along with that and limited time. Ex h is not in the picture. This post just shows how superficial the dating world (at least online dating) really is. I'm not 25 anymore and don't have time for this nonsense. If I meet someone in a traditional way, so be it.

What it really shows is how judgmental other women are towards women, because most of the negative posters here are women (probably unhappily married to boot). It's not all roses in the dating world, but I'm one the of the PPs who did date successfully and it really wasn't that hard. I'd much rather date online than put myself up for judgment on DCUM.

I suspect the overall demographic of posters to the Relationship forum skews heavily toward women, so just because more of the negative posters are women doesn't mean that men aren't as negative, they're just not writing about it as much.

Even if what you're saying is true, the point of online dating is not to appeal to the masses. It takes finding the ones (even if they are just a few) who like you as you are. They're out there.

Anonymous wrote:Of course my profile pic does not show the extra weight. I am afraid of being rejected on first glance!

So you're a fraud?

Ah op, dont sweat it too much, there's a good chance that your date is 3" shorter and 5 years older than he claims.

But seriously, going forth, be honest about body type (average or curvy); and post one not too horrible full body picture, you in a nice dress that you like or something.

I hope the date goes well and that he's a nice, interesting guy. Just remember, its the first of many dates you'll likely have, so dont put too much pressure on it.

finally, since it seems like the weight is bothering you, why not do something about it? If you're ready for dating I suspect you're ready to tackle the extra weight. good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why I'm not online dating. I'm thinner than 85% of married moms but I'm single with all of the pressures and stress that come along with that and limited time. Ex h is not in the picture. This post just shows how superficial the dating world (at least online dating) really is. I'm not 25 anymore and don't have time for this nonsense. If I meet someone in a traditional way, so be it.

What it really shows is how judgmental other women are towards women, because most of the negative posters here are women (probably unhappily married to boot). It's not all roses in the dating world, but I'm one the of the PPs who did date successfully and it really wasn't that hard. I'd much rather date online than put myself up for judgment on DCUM.

I suspect the overall demographic of posters to the Relationship forum skews heavily toward women, so just because more of the negative posters are women doesn't mean that men aren't as negative, they're just not writing about it as much.

Anonymous wrote:This is why I'm not online dating. I'm thinner than 85% of married moms but I'm single with all of the pressures and stress that come along with that and limited time. Ex h is not in the picture. This post just shows how superficial the dating world (at least online dating) really is. I'm not 25 anymore and don't have time for this nonsense. If I meet someone in a traditional way, so be it.

What it really shows is how judgmental other women are towards women, because most of the negative posters here are women (probably unhappily married to boot). It's not all roses in the dating world, but I'm one the of the PPs who did date successfully and it really wasn't that hard. I'd much rather date online than put myself up for judgment on DCUM.

This is why I'm not online dating. I'm thinner than 85% of married moms but I'm single with all of the pressures and stress that come along with that and limited time. Ex h is not in the picture. This post just shows how superficial the dating world (at least online dating) really is. I'm not 25 anymore and don't have time for this nonsense. If I meet someone in a traditional way, so be it.

Anonymous wrote:Threads like this make me think of a blog post I once read about a woman who was really fit and had a good body, but had lost a significant amount of weight to get there and had to work hard to maintain it. She wrote about what it was like to date, because these guys loved how fit she was, but wanted to pretend that the reality of maintaining it didn't exist. They didn't want her getting up early on a Saturday to go to spin class and then have a low-calorie, high-protein breakfast at home, they wanted her to sleep in and then go out for french toast for brunch, never mind that she couldn't maintain the body if she went along with that lifestyle. It sounded miserable to me.

I guess what this gets at is, OP, be who you are and who you want to be. If you want to lose weight and get in shape for yourself, do it regardless of dating and let dating fit that lifestyle you want for yourself. If you're content where you are right now, don't make changes just for dating. Present your honest self, and then find people who like and respect that honest self. It's so much easier and enjoyable.

And to add my own personal experience, when I met my husband I could have stood to lose 20 pounds. And that was in my early 20s when everyone was tight bodies with no sagging boobs or stretch marks, not on a middle aged body where you have to expect that pregnancy and time will have taken a toll on even the fittest people. I'm sure there were guys who passed me over because of my weight, but I don't really care about that because I met someone amazing. I later lost the 20 pounds and a bit more, and was pretty hot, if I do say so myself. Then I went back to school and gained back that weight and a bit more. And then lost of most of it. And then I had post-partum thyroid issues after both of my pregnancies, and gained a ton of weight, which I'm currently working on losing. I doubt I'll ever get back to having a great body, but that's okay. I have someone who has loved, valued and respected me through all of it, who has never been less than highly enthusiastic about having sex with me, who I'm sure preferred my body when I was thin but never made me feel lesser than I wasn't. Perhaps it all would have worked out the same if I'd been those 20+ pounds lighter before I met him, but I will say that there's a lot of comfort in knowing your significant other isn't going to lose interest or reject you because you've put on some weight. I don't consider that extra weight when I was dating to have hurt me in the least.

Threads like this make me think of a blog post I once read about a woman who was really fit and had a good body, but had lost a significant amount of weight to get there and had to work hard to maintain it. She wrote about what it was like to date, because these guys loved how fit she was, but wanted to pretend that the reality of maintaining it didn't exist. They didn't want her getting up early on a Saturday to go to spin class and then have a low-calorie, high-protein breakfast at home, they wanted her to sleep in and then go out for french toast for brunch, never mind that she couldn't maintain the body if she went along with that lifestyle. It sounded miserable to me.

I guess what this gets at is, OP, be who you are and who you want to be. If you want to lose weight and get in shape for yourself, do it regardless of dating and let dating fit that lifestyle you want for yourself. If you're content where you are right now, don't make changes just for dating. Present your honest self, and then find people who like and respect that honest self. It's so much easier and enjoyable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Whether you like it or not, a LOT of people are overweight, including in the dating world...

No shit? Who knew. I never wrote anything about what people deserve or don't deserve. I never wrote "disgusting ". That's you. But reality is, people do skip the obese ones online.

And give up thinking in terms of "deserve". You don't get what you deserve in life. You get what you make happen. Make something happen by taking specific steps.

I didn't say that some people don't skip over overweight folks. I'm correcting your categorical statements, though, because they're simply untrue. "Deserve" is different from entitlement, and I agree it takes specific steps. But the steps are different for everyone, and I wouldn't agree that the specific steps MUST include weight loss in order to find and have a fulfilling relationship with a quality person.

This is bs. Not all men like skinny women! Not all men like a bag of bones with zero chest and no ass in their bed. Some men actually like women with some weight on them. It is about being healthy not about being skinny.

OP, having a bit of weight on you is not a deal breaker. Decide what weight is healthy for you and be that weight. Dont let crazy pick up artists get you down. They are bitter people who hate themselves and you deserve more!

Anecdotal observation I had some time back.

I remember perusing the online profiles over a couple of years or so. Never used them to date but it was still somewhat new and I found it interesting. It was hard not to notice the women that were on there a long time. (and please now that while I didn't look much at the men's profiles the following holds for them as well) Most, if not all, of the longterms were overweight. Their profiles, and what they shared in them, were markedly different from women who might have had some extra pounds but were overall fit and attractive. In some cases it was almost as if there was a plea to overlook their appearance. The lack of confidence isn't limited to ones weight but that sure doesn't help. When you feel you are at a disadvantage, regardless of what it is, then you are. Would you hike cross country without getting into good enough shape to do so? Would you go on a job interview unprepared and dressed improperly? I don't see reentering the dating world as any different and that holds for both sexes. And it goes beyond your appearance because if you have psychological issues you haven't resolved or you don't really know what you are looking for in a mate or what you are willing to give in a relationship then you shouldn't be back in the dating world rolling the dice and hoping it comes up with a winning number.

So OP, you said ''am ready to start dating again'' and then proceeded to talk about what you believe will be a possible obstacle...are you really ready?

Anonymous wrote:

Whether you like it or not, a LOT of people are overweight, including in the dating world...

No shit? Who knew. I never wrote anything about what people deserve or don't deserve. I never wrote "disgusting ". That's you. But reality is, people do skip the obese ones online.

And give up thinking in terms of "deserve". You don't get what you deserve in life. You get what you make happen. Make something happen by taking specific steps.

I didn't say that some people don't skip over overweight folks. I'm correcting your categorical statements, though, because they're simply untrue. "Deserve" is different from entitlement, and I agree it takes specific steps. But the steps are different for everyone, and I wouldn't agree that the specific steps MUST include weight loss in order to find and have a fulfilling relationship with a quality person.

Anonymous wrote:Usually the very FIRST thing women do when they leave their husbands is drop a bunch of weight and get tightened up.

They wouldn't go to the gym for their husbands, but they'll get in shape so complete strangers will try and bang them.

But you didn't do this... So that speaks to your character. I'm sorry you find yourself in this predicament. But I strongly caution you not to feel bad about it. If some guy is put off because you think you're 30lbs overweight, then that guy is an a-hole anyway. Really.

If you WANT to lose weight, then go ahead and do it. But DON'T do it just so you can meet a bunch of jerks.

Good luck.

Men do that too.

Whether you like it or not, a LOT of people are overweight, including in the dating world...

No shit? Who knew. I never wrote anything about what people deserve or don't deserve. I never wrote "disgusting ". That's you. But reality is, people do skip the obese ones online.

And give up thinking in terms of "deserve". You don't get what you deserve in life. You get what you make happen. Make something happen by taking specific steps.