Anonymous wrote:We're considering #2 but don't have any family around and are both unsure about our ability to be good parents to both kids, given work demands, etc. I work 9-6 with AWS (every other Friday), plus 20 days' annual leave, liberal sick leave (which I very rarely take, but it's there if needed) and all federal holidays. My husband has a flexible but busy schedule (this means he can do drop offs and pick ups when necessary or cover if I'm traveling for work, which I do about once a quarter for 1-2 weeks). Right now, we each get a couple of hours to ourselves on the weekends and 30 minutes every other bedtime. We try to go on a date once a month (often a nice lunch during the Fridays I can take off). I am not sure what I would do without that time.

If we have another, I am having trouble imagining a schedule that allows each of us some downtime, while also giving our kids enough mom and dad time.
After particularly stressful weeks (e.g. if someone or all of us get sick), we also need extra hours to catch up on sleep and recuperate.

If you have two kids or more, how do you schedule the week so you have some time to regain energy and sanity? And when does it get better (e.g. when can the kids play by themselves in their room without supervision for an hour or two - that would really be all I need a couple of times a week).

Thanks!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Well, people seem to be doing pretty well... as a mom of a 3 year old and a 1 year old let me tell you that this is not my life. Where's the downtime? The answer is you don't have any. You have the time between when the kids go to sleep until when they wake up (whether that's the middle of the night or in the morning). You also have when you go to work. Depending on your job that may not be downtime, but at least you can take a minute to go get a cup of coffee alone or check your email. I know this will change in a few years and I certainly don't regret having two, but just know the early years will be brutal.

Also to your point about spending time with the kids. This is the main reason I don't want more. When number 2 came we immediately had less individual time with number 1, and that hurts. And our number 2 is getting less of us than number 1 had, and that hurts. You start feeling guilty when you're focusing on one more than the other at any moment and that feels odd too. I can't enjoy every single moment with number 2 because I have number 1 to focus on as well. I can't imagine how you split that time again with a 3rd, although I know people do it. I would feel I was missing out on too much.

Thank you! That is what I am picturing...
-OP (still on the fence)

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Well, people seem to be doing pretty well... as a mom of a 3 year old and a 1 year old let me tell you that this is not my life. Where's the downtime? The answer is you don't have any. You have the time between when the kids go to sleep until when they wake up (whether that's the middle of the night or in the morning). You also have when you go to work. Depending on your job that may not be downtime, but at least you can take a minute to go get a cup of coffee alone or check your email. I know this will change in a few years and I certainly don't regret having two, but just know the early years will be brutal.

Also to your point about spending time with the kids. This is the main reason I don't want more. When number 2 came we immediately had less individual time with number 1, and that hurts. And our number 2 is getting less of us than number 1 had, and that hurts. You start feeling guilty when you're focusing on one more than the other at any moment and that feels odd too. I can't enjoy every single moment with number 2 because I have number 1 to focus on as well. I can't imagine how you split that time again with a 3rd, although I know people do it. I would feel I was missing out on too much.