OP unless you are actually 12 years old and in some kind of illegal child bride situation, you need to act like an adult for an hour and have dinner with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should go. And think about the alternative. When my ILs come to visit, half the time I think they are hoping I won't join for meals so they get more time with DH.

You are right, they are
I always prefer to hang out with my brother without SIL, though she is nice and is always nice to me, etc.
she is just neither real family nor my friend, so there is no real pleasure for me.

OK but keep this shit to yourself, because at the end of the day, it makes you look oddly competitive with your bro's wife.

Anonymous wrote:You should go. And think about the alternative. When my ILs come to visit, half the time I think they are hoping I won't join for meals so they get more time with DH.

You are right, they are
I always prefer to hang out with my brother without SIL, though she is nice and is always nice to me, etc.
she is just neither real family nor my friend, so there is no real pleasure for me.

Figure this- a girl's got to eat anyway, its just some extra people eating with you who are doing so because they care about you. That's a nice feeling no matter who you are.

They are trying to be nice.... it is a completely reasonable and kind thing for them to offer. You should go.

Mine did this one time when we were younger, before kids. I went reluctantly because I also enjoyed the space to be a single girl again. What they really wanted was to pump me for sensitive info about DH and entertain them, because they have no friends.

Anonymous wrote:I know this makes me sound like a Giant Asshole but hear me out.

DH has been away on a work trip for a month, coming home in approx. 2-3 weeks. His parents want to take me out for dinner. Just me.

I'm very shy and introverted and really don't want to. I know this makes me sound horrible but I don't really want to spend time with them without DH around. He is very close with his family and talks to them multiple times per week and may see them once or twice. I have no problem with this but REALLY enjoy my free time and space when he's gone.

I know its *just one dinner*, but I'd really rather not.

Good god, woman, they are not moving in! They want to take you out on ONE dinner in a month because they want to make sure you're OK while your husband - their son - is away.

For God's sake it's dinner. Eat, nod, smile, go home.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I wish DH could have said something along the lines of "I'm home in three weeks, let's wait until I'm home to go out for dinner" when his parents told me they wanted to take me out. He knows I hate this kind of stuff. I don't know why he didn't think of how I would feel about it.

As adults we learn that we sometimes have to do things that are uncomfortable or we 'don't like', but we do them to be considerate and thoughtful of others.

Pull up your big girl pants and go. I hate my MIL, but we do things alone occasionally.

Anonymous wrote:Just start in with questions about the family - now was that when you lived on Jackson street? Did Edgar always hate the beach? Ask your husband for some conversation topics. At least one of the IL's is likely to be a talker, just get them started and sit back and enjoy the meal. Everyone loves a good listener!

And as a PP said, do it on a Friday so you get the rest of the weekend to yourself.

Also, when it's your turn to talk, it's fine to let them know -- subtly -- that they don't need to worry about you when your DH is out of town.

"What have you been doing while Edgar's been gone? It must be lonely."

"Well, I do miss him, but I'm pretty much a solitary banana, so after a day of work I'm happy to be home alone, reading and puttering. I even cleaned out the junk drawer!"

"Wow, sounds as though you'd rather not be dragged out to dinner with your old in-laws!"

"No, not at all! It's lovely to see you, and you were sweet to think of me. Tomorrow's soon enough to finish Lincoln at the Bardo and pull some weeds."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people with social phobias, or just assholes in general, hide behind "being an introvert". Introversion simply means that you don't get your energy from other people. It doesn't mean you get feelings of dread at the thought of interacting with people.

I'm deeply introverted. I can go unbelievable stretches of time alone, and it takes me hours or days to deprogram from some interactions.

That said, I still don't get uncomfortable when I need to engage with someone.

Grow up, OP.

Well, good for you, but you don't get to tell other people how to feel. It's not unusual to feel uncomfortable engaging with in-laws without the spouse present.

OP, I get it. My in-laws came for a two-day visit while my H was deployed. They were and are lovely and gracious but it was pure torture for me. But they wanted to see their grandson and I obviously had to put aside my own feelings and make it nice for them.

As a fellow introvert, I do find that sometimes the anticipation of the event is worse than the event itself. Hope that is the case for you, OP.

No one is telling you how to feel. It's just that when you blame your panic and dread on "introversion", as well as your ability to interact as a grown ass adult, you're being dishonest with yourself and giving all introverts a bad name.

Introversion, per se, does not cause social phobia.

Where did she say she was panicking? She said she feels like asshole but she would "rather not" do dinner and that she "hates this stuff." Pretty standard introvert feelings.

She sounds pretty panicked if she's jumping on an message board and bemoaning the fact that her husband failed to run interference between her and a normal adult obligation to a family member who is trying to be nice.

Oh, FFS. This is the Family Relationships forum. Does every post here count as panic just by existing? People are allowed to vent and she's gotten plenty of commiseration and advice from other introverts. Hardly a sign of panic and social phobia.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people with social phobias, or just assholes in general, hide behind "being an introvert". Introversion simply means that you don't get your energy from other people. It doesn't mean you get feelings of dread at the thought of interacting with people.

I'm deeply introverted. I can go unbelievable stretches of time alone, and it takes me hours or days to deprogram from some interactions.

That said, I still don't get uncomfortable when I need to engage with someone.

Grow up, OP.

Well, good for you, but you don't get to tell other people how to feel. It's not unusual to feel uncomfortable engaging with in-laws without the spouse present.

OP, I get it. My in-laws came for a two-day visit while my H was deployed. They were and are lovely and gracious but it was pure torture for me. But they wanted to see their grandson and I obviously had to put aside my own feelings and make it nice for them.

As a fellow introvert, I do find that sometimes the anticipation of the event is worse than the event itself. Hope that is the case for you, OP.

No one is telling you how to feel. It's just that when you blame your panic and dread on "introversion", as well as your ability to interact as a grown ass adult, you're being dishonest with yourself and giving all introverts a bad name.

Introversion, per se, does not cause social phobia.

Where did she say she was panicking? She said she feels like asshole but she would "rather not" do dinner and that she "hates this stuff." Pretty standard introvert feelings.

She sounds pretty panicked if she's jumping on an message board and bemoaning the fact that her husband failed to run interference between her and a normal adult obligation to a family member who is trying to be nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate when people with social phobias, or just assholes in general, hide behind "being an introvert". Introversion simply means that you don't get your energy from other people. It doesn't mean you get feelings of dread at the thought of interacting with people.

I'm deeply introverted. I can go unbelievable stretches of time alone, and it takes me hours or days to deprogram from some interactions.

That said, I still don't get uncomfortable when I need to engage with someone.

Grow up, OP.

Well, good for you, but you don't get to tell other people how to feel. It's not unusual to feel uncomfortable engaging with in-laws without the spouse present.

OP, I get it. My in-laws came for a two-day visit while my H was deployed. They were and are lovely and gracious but it was pure torture for me. But they wanted to see their grandson and I obviously had to put aside my own feelings and make it nice for them.

As a fellow introvert, I do find that sometimes the anticipation of the event is worse than the event itself. Hope that is the case for you, OP.

No one is telling you how to feel. It's just that when you blame your panic and dread on "introversion", as well as your ability to interact as a grown ass adult, you're being dishonest with yourself and giving all introverts a bad name.

Introversion, per se, does not cause social phobia.

Where did she say she was panicking? She said she feels like asshole but she would "rather not" do dinner and that she "hates this stuff." Pretty standard introvert feelings.

OP, I'm a fellow introvert and I think you should go. You mentioned in a follow up that you don't know why your husband didn't just suggest waiting and getting together when he is home - I would take this as a sign that he wants you to go too. Agree with PPs who say plan to meet them somewhere, that way you know there is a fixed end time.