Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Do you know what that was like for me to figure out who could get older kid? It meant older kid missed soccer tournament and instead went home with another family (my emergency contact friend) who had to bring the kid to her kid's karate class.

Things like this happen to people, regardless of whether they are single parents. I was a single parent, now I am not - DD and DS have a very involved stepfather. He travels two days a month max. A similar situation has happened to us, sure.

But...this would be rare with a two parent household - or a divorced parent household with two parents closeby. (What two parents closeby would allow a kid to miss a soccer tournament for no reason?) It would be a pretty rare thing and you'd feel terrible.

In many single parent families there isn't the income to pay for sports that come with tournaments, and the realities of childcare and making a living mean that kids are in afterschool, and not at sports.

Being a single parent isn't about how hard it is, but the issues that are unique to single parents are the issues that are associated with not being married/partnered. The issues you describe here are the issues that happen to people who have multiple children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Do you know what that was like for me to figure out who could get older kid? It meant older kid missed soccer tournament and instead went home with another family (my emergency contact friend) who had to bring the kid to her kid's karate class.

Things like this happen to people, regardless of whether they are single parents. I was a single parent, now I am not - DD and DS have a very involved stepfather. He travels two days a month max. A similar situation has happened to us, sure.

But...this would be rare with a two parent household - or a divorced parent household with two parents closeby. (What two parents closeby would allow a kid to miss a soccer tournament for no reason?) It would be a pretty rare thing and you'd feel terrible.

Does your kid frequently break their arm?

I think that a broken arm is the kind of emergency that causes many families to get out of their routine.

Anonymous wrote:

Do you know what that was like for me to figure out who could get older kid? It meant older kid missed soccer tournament and instead went home with another family (my emergency contact friend) who had to bring the kid to her kid's karate class.

Things like this happen to people, regardless of whether they are single parents. I was a single parent, now I am not - DD and DS have a very involved stepfather. He travels two days a month max. A similar situation has happened to us, sure.

But...this would be rare with a two parent household - or a divorced parent household with two parents closeby. (What two parents closeby would allow a kid to miss a soccer tournament for no reason?) It would be a pretty rare thing and you'd feel terrible.

Anonymous wrote:

Are you people seriously fighting over whether divorced parents with an ex who makes some financial and time commitment to a child deserve to be called single parents? That is just sad.


This and I'm not a divorced, widowed and I didn't have a child out of wedlock. Generally, those people have the same types of issues. My husband is gone for work about 21 days a month...as in across the country, for years and years like this. I have these same issues.


Does "I have these same issues" mean you have the same issues as the divorced be widowed parents because your husband travels for 21 days? FFS.

You've experienced some of the same issues, but you haven't experienced many of the issues that divorced parents or single parents do - i.e., supporting your kids on a single income, or a single income supplemented by relatively modest payments from someone also supporting another household.

But then you need to differentiate between single parents who are poorer and single parents who are wealthier. Or what if you're a single parent who was poor but then inherited money? I haven't mentioned money at all. I guess the question is this: If your kid is on stage and looks in the audience and sees her mom isn't there, does her heart hurt less if it is because:

--Her mom is widowed, poor and has to work and can't be there because she has to make ends meet?

--Her dad is 2000 miles away and her mom is unexpectedly home with her sick brother who no one else can watch?

--Her mom is divorced, makes money but works in the city and can't make it back to the suburbs for a 20 minute play?

I'm suspecting the kid's heart hurts. Who is talking about the financial aspect...and no, I haven't said anything about my finances so I could have or I could not have a lot. Doesn't matter - the issue is that I absolutely do have some of the same issues as a single parent. I can't be in two places at once and I can't be two people at once. My kids suffer as a result. You all know plenty of times your spouse takes over when you're sick or have two activities, etc. That's all I'm saying. No, I'm NOT a single parent but in many ways I have the life of one as it relates to my kids being raised 3/4 of the time. If he was in the military, how could you say any differently?

Do you know what that was like for me to figure out who could get older kid? It meant older kid missed soccer tournament and instead went home with another family (my emergency contact friend) who had to bring the kid to her kid's karate class.

Things like this happen to people, regardless of whether they are single parents. I was a single parent, now I am not - DD and DS have a very involved stepfather. He travels two days a month max. A similar situation has happened to us, sure.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you people seriously fighting over whether divorced parents with an ex who makes some financial and time commitment to a child deserve to be called single parents? That is just sad.

This and I'm not a divorced, widowed and I didn't have a child out of wedlock. Generally, those people have the same types of issues. My husband is gone for work about 21 days a month...as in across the country, for years and years like this. I have these same issues.

Does "I have these same issues" mean you have the same issues as the divorced be widowed parents because your husband travels for 21 days? FFS.

Yes, I do. Let's see: older kid is in a play at school at 2 and younger kid has the flu and needs to be home. Issue is no one can watch older kid. Two kids have games and I can't get them to both. I have a migraine and kids have homework. I have zero...zero...help with dishes, laundry, banking, discipline, childcare, transporting, sick visits, dental visits, etc 3/4 of each month. Maybe divorced parents don't have those issues...I do. I have no one else to rely on...no one...the majority of the time. Ie younger kid broke arm at recess. Do you know what that was like for me to figure out who could get older kid? It meant older kid missed soccer tournament and instead went home with another family (my emergency contact friend) who had to bring the kid to her kid's karate class. Would that happen at your home or at your home do you have a second parent that can pitch in much of the time when you're in a bind?

"Out of wedlock" was just a way to describe it.

Sorry, I'm an actual single parent, and those things aren't even on my radar as the hard parts of being a single parent. Those things are just parenting.

Having to make a difficult medical decision between something that sucks, and something that might suck a little more or a little less and will have lifetime implications, 100% or own your own, or in partnership with someone you hate and don't trust?

Knowing that your income is the only thing that's keeping your medically needy kid in health insurance, or a roof over their head, so you go to work even though it means making daycare choices that make you really uncomfortable.

Those things are being a single parent. If you're parenting with someone who loves you, and loves your kids, and shares your values, and contributes substantially to household expenses, and is available by phone in an emergency, then you have zero idea what it's like to be a single parent.

Are you people seriously fighting over whether divorced parents with an ex who makes some financial and time commitment to a child deserve to be called single parents? That is just sad.


This and I'm not a divorced, widowed and I didn't have a child out of wedlock. Generally, those people have the same types of issues. My husband is gone for work about 21 days a month...as in across the country, for years and years like this. I have these same issues.


Does "I have these same issues" mean you have the same issues as the divorced be widowed parents because your husband travels for 21 days? FFS.

You've experienced some of the same issues, but you haven't experienced many of the issues that divorced parents or single parents do - i.e., supporting your kids on a single income, or a single income supplemented by relatively modest payments from someone also supporting another household.

To clarify, I have the same issues as related to the term single parent though I'm not a single parent.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you people seriously fighting over whether divorced parents with an ex who makes some financial and time commitment to a child deserve to be called single parents? That is just sad.

This and I'm not a divorced, widowed and I didn't have a child out of wedlock. Generally, those people have the same types of issues. My husband is gone for work about 21 days a month...as in across the country, for years and years like this. I have these same issues.

Does "I have these same issues" mean you have the same issues as the divorced be widowed parents because your husband travels for 21 days? FFS.

Yes, I do. Let's see: older kid is in a play at school at 2 and younger kid has the flu and needs to be home. Issue is no one can watch older kid. Two kids have games and I can't get them to both. I have a migraine and kids have homework. I have zero...zero...help with dishes, laundry, banking, discipline, childcare, transporting, sick visits, dental visits, etc 3/4 of each month. Maybe divorced parents don't have those issues...I do. I have no one else to rely on...no one...the majority of the time. Ie younger kid broke arm at recess. Do you know what that was like for me to figure out who could get older kid? It meant older kid missed soccer tournament and instead went home with another family (my emergency contact friend) who had to bring the kid to her kid's karate class. Would that happen at your home or at your home do you have a second parent that can pitch in much of the time when you're in a bind?

"Out of wedlock" was just a way to describe it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you people seriously fighting over whether divorced parents with an ex who makes some financial and time commitment to a child deserve to be called single parents? That is just sad.

This and I'm not a divorced, widowed and I didn't have a child out of wedlock. Generally, those people have the same types of issues. My husband is gone for work about 21 days a month...as in across the country, for years and years like this. I have these same issues.

Does "I have these same issues" mean you have the same issues as the divorced be widowed parents because your husband travels for 21 days? FFS.

It means parents that are 100% responsible for the kids. No shared custody/visitation, and no additional financial resources from the other parent.

It definitely does not include all those (often SAHM) women who insist that they're single parents because their DH travels a lot for work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you people seriously fighting over whether divorced parents with an ex who makes some financial and time commitment to a child deserve to be called single parents? That is just sad.

This and I'm not a divorced, widowed and I didn't have a child out of wedlock. Generally, those people have the same types of issues. My husband is gone for work about 21 days a month...as in across the country, for years and years like this. I have these same issues.

Sheesh, what century are you from?

Anonymous wrote:Are you people seriously fighting over whether divorced parents with an ex who makes some financial and time commitment to a child deserve to be called single parents? That is just sad.

This and I'm not a divorced, widowed and I didn't have a child out of wedlock. Generally, those people have the same types of issues. My husband is gone for work about 21 days a month...as in across the country, for years and years like this. I have these same issues.

Are you people seriously fighting over whether divorced parents with an ex who makes some financial and time commitment to a child deserve to be called single parents? That is just sad.

I'm technically a single but partnered parent. He's not always here (we live apart and are not married), but he is generally available at least by phone and involved child's life when we are in the same place. I do much parenting solo, but do not consider myself a single mother.