Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A beach week is something that the attendees will probably remember the rest of their lives. A few hours at an open house, not so much. If I were in your daughter's shoes I would have made lemonade out of lemons by cancelling the open house and going to the beach. It would be better than both missing out on the trip and being resentful that her friends didn't do the same.

I'm OP and I agree. I think she should have gone with friends and then driven back for the grad party for a few hours, then back to the beach. I only learned of all the friends being at the beach during the party, "Oh, lot of my friends aren't coming, they decided to go to the beach." She has her own car and we would have let her drive back and forth.

I was kind of torn until now. You made it an option for her to go with her friends, and come back to the party, and she's still being pissy? Then the fault is hers alone.

I felt that if your daughter wasn't invited, this was terrible.

And I felt that it would have been wrong to cancel the open house, assuming you have relatives and friends who were planning to come celebrate her.

But it sounds like YOU did everything possible for your kid to have it both ways, and now she's mad about her choices.

We just finished a huge round of graduation parties and now all the kids are off to a predetermined beach week. Seems like unfortunate timing, but such is life. OP's daughter made the choice not to go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A beach week is something that the attendees will probably remember the rest of their lives. A few hours at an open house, not so much. If I were in your daughter's shoes I would have made lemonade out of lemons by cancelling the open house and going to the beach. It would be better than both missing out on the trip and being resentful that her friends didn't do the same.

I'm OP and I agree. I think she should have gone with friends and then driven back for the grad party for a few hours, then back to the beach. I only learned of all the friends being at the beach during the party, "Oh, lot of my friends aren't coming, they decided to go to the beach." She has her own car and we would have let her drive back and forth.

You want her to spend an entire day of beach house weekend, commuting back and forth from the DC area? Isn't this her milestone celebrate as she chooses?

Is the OP living in the midwest right now?
If so, then yeah, I can see how a beach house and beach trip would be superior to an open house thing at someone's home.

The DD does get to have her own feelings so she can be upset and hurt if she wants.

I have to agree with those who mentioned Open houses being kind of boring or for adults. Any party for teens that occur during the day with adults hanging around isn't really so much a "party" to them, it just hanging out at that thing that Larla's parents are having.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can take away from this thread is who has all these weird customs? All seems so antiquated and bizarre. This has to be some kind of regional thing.

Yes, it wasn't particularly thoughtful for the friends to choose a beach weekend over a prior commitment, but the fun factor of one vs. the other is so divergent that even though you and your DD might feel bummed, you kind of have to get it. I would have cancelled this "party" so DD could go.

But the converse is also true... it's not all about you, you RSVP'd yes and you follow that commitment unless you are sick. You don't go with the "better offer". It's rude.

Quoted PP here.

I know you're right, and you know you're right, but we both know that if you expect people to stick to that kind of a blah commitment compared to the fun alternative, you're going to get hurt over and over. Do you want to have fun or do you want to be right? Cancel this 'open house' whatever it is and let the kid go have fun. Reschedule the 'open house'. Whatever. Is it that big of a deal?

I think it is okay to be sad. I don't think being sad is a "big deal". I don't want to be right, I want to be kind and sometimes being kind is not fun. I am sure my kids will be rude in the future and dis a friend for a "fun time" but I won't say... cool, good job. I will say, "that was rude and the person has a right to be disappointed".

I would say to OP's daughter, "that was rude and you have a right to be disappointed".

Okay, you cancel the party move it to another week, now all the kids are on their planned European trip. You can't chase "yes" on the RSVP.

I meant is the party that much of a big deal (yeah, I still don't get it - the takeaway for me should be that who throws such a big party for high school graduation that people travel and there are caterers?? Hopefully this is the first of several graduations for her since this isn't 1950 and she's not off to the chapel).

Yes of course it is ok to be sad. But obviously OP's DD was being stubborn - her own mother just said she should have gone! So seriously, she was having a sulk-fest and while it is fine to clutch the pearls and say this was poor etiquette to break the RSVP, I suspect based on the full story we now have that that wasn't DD's issue.

Takeaway should be that who throws such a big party for high school graduation that people travel and there are caterers?? Hopefully this is the first of several graduations for he

Anonymous wrote:An open house party is the same as a drop in. That's what we called them when I graduated. Very boring for kids. It's all for adults. Like a tea party.
If the girls said they were coming then, yes your DD is probably angry. If she wasn't invited then she is probably hurt. Of course. If it just so happened that the open house and beach weekend fell on the same day and she had to prioritize the party that adults threw for her, sucks but thats life. And she should get off social media for a day until the next "best thing ever" is trending with her friends.

This.

Cancel the party, move it to another week and let your daughter go to beach week, too.

Why do one when you can do both?

Anonymous wrote:A weekend away at a beachhouse with a big group of close friends vs dropping in to an Open house of one friend.

I would pick the weekend away every time.

Yep. I'll bet that Op's kid would have chosen the beach house weekend over dropping by her friend's open house, too.

I can totally, 100% understand her disappointment that her friends won't be there though. That would suck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can take away from this thread is who has all these weird customs? All seems so antiquated and bizarre. This has to be some kind of regional thing.

Yes, it wasn't particularly thoughtful for the friends to choose a beach weekend over a prior commitment, but the fun factor of one vs. the other is so divergent that even though you and your DD might feel bummed, you kind of have to get it. I would have cancelled this "party" so DD could go.

But the converse is also true... it's not all about you, you RSVP'd yes and you follow that commitment unless you are sick. You don't go with the "better offer". It's rude.

Quoted PP here.

I know you're right, and you know you're right, but we both know that if you expect people to stick to that kind of a blah commitment compared to the fun alternative, you're going to get hurt over and over. Do you want to have fun or do you want to be right? Cancel this 'open house' whatever it is and let the kid go have fun. Reschedule the 'open house'. Whatever. Is it that big of a deal?

I think it is okay to be sad. I don't think being sad is a "big deal". I don't want to be right, I want to be kind and sometimes being kind is not fun. I am sure my kids will be rude in the future and dis a friend for a "fun time" but I won't say... cool, good job. I will say, "that was rude and the person has a right to be disappointed".

I would say to OP's daughter, "that was rude and you have a right to be disappointed".

Okay, you cancel the party move it to another week, now all the kids are on their planned European trip. You can't chase "yes" on the RSVP.

Anonymous wrote:A beach week is something that the attendees will probably remember the rest of their lives. A few hours at an open house, not so much. If I were in your daughter's shoes I would have made lemonade out of lemons by cancelling the open house and going to the beach. It would be better than both missing out on the trip and being resentful that her friends didn't do the same.

I'm OP and I agree. I think she should have gone with friends and then driven back for the grad party for a few hours, then back to the beach. I only learned of all the friends being at the beach during the party, "Oh, lot of my friends aren't coming, they decided to go to the beach." She has her own car and we would have let her drive back and forth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can take away from this thread is who has all these weird customs? All seems so antiquated and bizarre. This has to be some kind of regional thing.

Yes, it wasn't particularly thoughtful for the friends to choose a beach weekend over a prior commitment, but the fun factor of one vs. the other is so divergent that even though you and your DD might feel bummed, you kind of have to get it. I would have cancelled this "party" so DD could go.

But the converse is also true... it's not all about you, you RSVP'd yes and you follow that commitment unless you are sick. You don't go with the "better offer". It's rude.

eh, but it's the other girls' graduation celebrations, too. This one isn't just about your daughter and what is important to her.

If it was important for her to be with her friends she should have cancelled her party and gone with them to the beach house. Hopefully her open house went well.

Anonymous wrote:All I can take away from this thread is who has all these weird customs? All seems so antiquated and bizarre. This has to be some kind of regional thing.

Yes, it wasn't particularly thoughtful for the friends to choose a beach weekend over a prior commitment, but the fun factor of one vs. the other is so divergent that even though you and your DD might feel bummed, you kind of have to get it. I would have cancelled this "party" so DD could go.

Graduation party is expensive, catered, family & friends travel to come into town.

Why would teens stay in town, when they can go to the beach? Obviously, not for an Open House. That was actually a custom 20 years ago with some families I knew in Colorado. They would have and Open House around the holidays and people would stop by from 11am till 6pm. I thought that died out, and it is pretty weird for a teen to have that. But, what did she expect? They they will stay in town to visit like old folks did in the past?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All I can take away from this thread is who has all these weird customs? All seems so antiquated and bizarre. This has to be some kind of regional thing.

Yes, it wasn't particularly thoughtful for the friends to choose a beach weekend over a prior commitment, but the fun factor of one vs. the other is so divergent that even though you and your DD might feel bummed, you kind of have to get it. I would have cancelled this "party" so DD could go.

But the converse is also true... it's not all about you, you RSVP'd yes and you follow that commitment unless you are sick. You don't go with the "better offer". It's rude.

Quoted PP here.

I know you're right, and you know you're right, but we both know that if you expect people to stick to that kind of a blah commitment compared to the fun alternative, you're going to get hurt over and over. Do you want to have fun or do you want to be right? Cancel this 'open house' whatever it is and let the kid go have fun. Reschedule the 'open house'. Whatever. Is it that big of a deal?

Your daughter is a high school graduate now so it's time for you to stop being involved in her social issues. Actually, it's past time.

Butt out!