Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

As a parent, I would be embarrassed that my college kid, for whom I am fronting tuition, room, and board, kept showing up with their hand out rather than getting a damn job. (Not having a job in school in order to "focus on schoolwork" isn't doing kids any favors, BTW. Even work study or doing office admin or retail/food service shows some demonstrated work skills on a resume.)

Also, there is a huge difference between helping a child set up a Roth or other long-term savings mechanism and sending them spending money in college. One is a life skill; the other is an adult allowance. Don't conflate them.

I would be embarrassed to use the kind of imagery that paints your own children as something akin to a dog or beggar. "Showing up with their hand out," really? It's your own kid, and it's not like they're 30 years old and shamelessly asking for money. That said, I support the idea of working in college to earn spending money for yourself. I worked every year in college (office assistant, TA, lab assistant) and I'd encourage my kids to do the same.

They will if you don't set some damned boundaries. But good luck with that in the five short years you have to get them to pay for their own expenses between grad school and 30. They will come to you for everything and you will end up giving them six-figures for their wedding or their first home, because 'mom, you always did before, stop being stingy!'

You're generalizing. My parents paid for all my grad school expenses until 25, including a six figure wedding when I was 24, and I've never asked them for money since I started working right out of school.

You just proved my point and I truly hope you are still happily married to your spouse now because six-figures on a wedding for you to divorce in your 30s (not uncommon) after you 'grow into yourself' is a ridiculous expenditure.

BTW I also wouldn't qualify going from mom and dad's house to spouse's house as in any way financial independence. Just trading one source of funding for another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

You do realize that 99% of college students are actually adults? Land the helicopter lady. My parents paid for my college tuition and I got a job for 15 hours a week for 'spending money'. Maybe your adult children could stand to learn some responsibility.

You need to land the helicopter. You can financially support your kids as by then they should have been taught financial responsibility. If you haven't taught your kid by then, you have bigger issues. I worked summers and my parents did not agree with me working during the school year, especially given my major required 24 hour a week internships for 3 years.

How do you teach someone financial responsibility by just giving them tons of money to spend?

You start very young and teach them. You set an example of how you live your life. When they are teens, you give them a credit card and teach them to use it responsibly. I spent far less alone than I did with my parents, especially my mom shopping. I never had an issue and we weren't going out to concerts and all that stuff in college. I have always been responsible with money and it was never an issue. If you are starting in college, you failed and its way to late at that point.

Again, SPENDING SOMEONE ELSE'S MONEY isn't "financial responsibility."

Also, FYI, I've hired over 200 college graduates in the last 25 years (consulting), and I would never hire anyone who didn't have paid work experience and only had internships, precisely because I would assume that they overestimated their own abilities in the interview. Like, for example, thinking that they were financially responsible when that only meant they hadn't overspent their allowance.

You do realize that work experience is often only gained through internships. I had both but the paid jobs were basic child care jobs and not career related. You could not get a career related job outside internships. I never had an allowance. My parents taught me to be reasonable. They paid for college and graduate school and my grandparents got me my first car since I needed it for an internship required by the school. With my first job, I saved most of the money in savings and a Roth Ira. Had a nice house downpayment when I needed it. You can assume anything you want but refusing to financially help your kids isn't always the best way to go about it. My parents taught me early about money, how to save and how to spend it. Its never been an issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

As a parent, I would be embarrassed that my college kid, for whom I am fronting tuition, room, and board, kept showing up with their hand out rather than getting a damn job. (Not having a job in school in order to "focus on schoolwork" isn't doing kids any favors, BTW. Even work study or doing office admin or retail/food service shows some demonstrated work skills on a resume.)

Also, there is a huge difference between helping a child set up a Roth or other long-term savings mechanism and sending them spending money in college. One is a life skill; the other is an adult allowance. Don't conflate them.

I would be embarrassed to use the kind of imagery that paints your own children as something akin to a dog or beggar. "Showing up with their hand out," really? It's your own kid, and it's not like they're 30 years old and shamelessly asking for money. That said, I support the idea of working in college to earn spending money for yourself. I worked every year in college (office assistant, TA, lab assistant) and I'd encourage my kids to do the same.

They will if you don't set some damned boundaries. But good luck with that in the five short years you have to get them to pay for their own expenses between grad school and 30. They will come to you for everything and you will end up giving them six-figures for their wedding or their first home, because 'mom, you always did before, stop being stingy!'

You're generalizing. My parents paid for all my grad school expenses until 25, including a six figure wedding when I was 24, and I've never asked them for money since I started working right out of school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

You do realize that 99% of college students are actually adults? Land the helicopter lady. My parents paid for my college tuition and I got a job for 15 hours a week for 'spending money'. Maybe your adult children could stand to learn some responsibility.

You need to land the helicopter. You can financially support your kids as by then they should have been taught financial responsibility. If you haven't taught your kid by then, you have bigger issues. I worked summers and my parents did not agree with me working during the school year, especially given my major required 24 hour a week internships for 3 years.

How do you teach someone financial responsibility by just giving them tons of money to spend?

You start very young and teach them. You set an example of how you live your life. When they are teens, you give them a credit card and teach them to use it responsibly. I spent far less alone than I did with my parents, especially my mom shopping. I never had an issue and we weren't going out to concerts and all that stuff in college. I have always been responsible with money and it was never an issue. If you are starting in college, you failed and its way to late at that point.

Again, SPENDING SOMEONE ELSE'S MONEY isn't "financial responsibility."

Also, FYI, I've hired over 200 college graduates in the last 25 years (consulting), and I would never hire anyone who didn't have paid work experience and only had internships, precisely because I would assume that they overestimated their own abilities in the interview. Like, for example, thinking that they were financially responsible when that only meant they hadn't overspent their allowance.

We pay for:
-tuition
-room/board
-books
-school-related supplies
-toiletries/dorm stuff/etc. (we'll do a Target run when she comes home for Thanksgiving/Christmas and then before the school year starts, if she runs out/needs something that's on her)
-clubs/organizations/etc. (i.e. she went on an alternative break to New Mexico, we paid for that)

I had no idea I was supposed to send her more money on top of that. How bizarre.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

You do realize that 99% of college students are actually adults? Land the helicopter lady. My parents paid for my college tuition and I got a job for 15 hours a week for 'spending money'. Maybe your adult children could stand to learn some responsibility.

You need to land the helicopter. You can financially support your kids as by then they should have been taught financial responsibility. If you haven't taught your kid by then, you have bigger issues. I worked summers and my parents did not agree with me working during the school year, especially given my major required 24 hour a week internships for 3 years.

How do you teach someone financial responsibility by just giving them tons of money to spend?

You start very young and teach them. You set an example of how you live your life. When they are teens, you give them a credit card and teach them to use it responsibly. I spent far less alone than I did with my parents, especially my mom shopping. I never had an issue and we weren't going out to concerts and all that stuff in college. I have always been responsible with money and it was never an issue. If you are starting in college, you failed and its way to late at that point.

Interesting. I taught my kids financial responsibility starting very young *precisely* so I wouldn't have a 21 year old on my hand expecting that his parents hand him cash or load money onto a debit card for Starbucks and other non-essentials on top of what they already pay for tuition/room/board/etc.

But different strokes, I guess.

I saved money from working a summer job then got a part time job on campus during the school year. My mom didn't give me any money, but we only lived a 45 min drive from campus so I'd go home to do laundry, eat non-cafeteria food, and steal her toiletries every couple of weeks. Those were the main things I needed money for and I guess that would cost no more than $200 a month as long as your student isn't in NYC or somewhere else as expensive. We were all poor in the dorms so we did a lot of free/cheap stuff for fun.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

As a parent, I would be embarrassed that my college kid, for whom I am fronting tuition, room, and board, kept showing up with their hand out rather than getting a damn job. (Not having a job in school in order to "focus on schoolwork" isn't doing kids any favors, BTW. Even work study or doing office admin or retail/food service shows some demonstrated work skills on a resume.)

Also, there is a huge difference between helping a child set up a Roth or other long-term savings mechanism and sending them spending money in college. One is a life skill; the other is an adult allowance. Don't conflate them.

I would be embarrassed to use the kind of imagery that paints your own children as something akin to a dog or beggar. "Showing up with their hand out," really? It's your own kid, and it's not like they're 30 years old and shamelessly asking for money. That said, I support the idea of working in college to earn spending money for yourself. I worked every year in college (office assistant, TA, lab assistant) and I'd encourage my kids to do the same.

They will if you don't set some damned boundaries. But good luck with that in the five short years you have to get them to pay for their own expenses between grad school and 30. They will come to you for everything and you will end up giving them six-figures for their wedding or their first home, because 'mom, you always did before, stop being stingy!'

Yep. At some point, they need to start footing their own bill. I don't think that it's a matter of shipping them off to college and cutting them off suddenly, but we laid the groundwork in high school that they needed to start paying for Starbucks, entertainment activities, etc. and gradually worked up to giving an annual clothing allowance for them to spend as they saw fit. We TOLD them what we could and could not cover in college. If someone's calling me up and asking for $100 for concert tickets or something equally fun but frivolous (after I've shelled out thousands of dollars already for tuition/room/board/fees/books/laptop, that's asking for a handout. We are comfortable but not wealthy and have to balance launching our kids as successfully as we can without endangering our retirement or the quality of life that we have worked our butts off for for years. They are welcome to come and live at home after they graduate (with the expectation that they will help around the house), and we would obviously help if there were a medical emergency or any other sort of issue that arose in that vein. We're not giving an adult an allowance, and I'm not at all embarrassed by it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

As a parent, I would be embarrassed that my college kid, for whom I am fronting tuition, room, and board, kept showing up with their hand out rather than getting a damn job. (Not having a job in school in order to "focus on schoolwork" isn't doing kids any favors, BTW. Even work study or doing office admin or retail/food service shows some demonstrated work skills on a resume.)

Also, there is a huge difference between helping a child set up a Roth or other long-term savings mechanism and sending them spending money in college. One is a life skill; the other is an adult allowance. Don't conflate them.

I would be embarrassed to use the kind of imagery that paints your own children as something akin to a dog or beggar. "Showing up with their hand out," really? It's your own kid, and it's not like they're 30 years old and shamelessly asking for money. That said, I support the idea of working in college to earn spending money for yourself. I worked every year in college (office assistant, TA, lab assistant) and I'd encourage my kids to do the same.

They will if you don't set some damned boundaries. But good luck with that in the five short years you have to get them to pay for their own expenses between grad school and 30. They will come to you for everything and you will end up giving them six-figures for their wedding or their first home, because 'mom, you always did before, stop being stingy!'

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

As a parent, I would be embarrassed that my college kid, for whom I am fronting tuition, room, and board, kept showing up with their hand out rather than getting a damn job. (Not having a job in school in order to "focus on schoolwork" isn't doing kids any favors, BTW. Even work study or doing office admin or retail/food service shows some demonstrated work skills on a resume.)

Also, there is a huge difference between helping a child set up a Roth or other long-term savings mechanism and sending them spending money in college. One is a life skill; the other is an adult allowance. Don't conflate them.

I would be embarrassed to use the kind of imagery that paints your own children as something akin to a dog or beggar. "Showing up with their hand out," really? It's your own kid, and it's not like they're 30 years old and shamelessly asking for money. That said, I support the idea of working in college to earn spending money for yourself. I worked every year in college (office assistant, TA, lab assistant) and I'd encourage my kids to do the same.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

As a parent, I would be embarrassed that my college kid, for whom I am fronting tuition, room, and board, kept showing up with their hand out rather than getting a damn job. (Not having a job in school in order to "focus on schoolwork" isn't doing kids any favors, BTW. Even work study or doing office admin or retail/food service shows some demonstrated work skills on a resume.)

Also, there is a huge difference between helping a child set up a Roth or other long-term savings mechanism and sending them spending money in college. One is a life skill; the other is an adult allowance. Don't conflate them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

You do realize that 99% of college students are actually adults? Land the helicopter lady. My parents paid for my college tuition and I got a job for 15 hours a week for 'spending money'. Maybe your adult children could stand to learn some responsibility.

You need to land the helicopter. You can financially support your kids as by then they should have been taught financial responsibility. If you haven't taught your kid by then, you have bigger issues. I worked summers and my parents did not agree with me working during the school year, especially given my major required 24 hour a week internships for 3 years.

How do you teach someone financial responsibility by just giving them tons of money to spend?

You start very young and teach them. You set an example of how you live your life. When they are teens, you give them a credit card and teach them to use it responsibly. I spent far less alone than I did with my parents, especially my mom shopping. I never had an issue and we weren't going out to concerts and all that stuff in college. I have always been responsible with money and it was never an issue. If you are starting in college, you failed and its way to late at that point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

My son is at West Point and I'm happy to give him $500/mo to spend. I saved over 6 figues for his education that will eventually become a downpayment if he decides to buy a home. He's not embarrassed at all and shouldn't be. He worked his ass off to get into school and works his ass off at WP.

If you can't see how that's a completely different situation then I don't know what to tell you.

Actually its not. They are just giving him spending money as college is paid for and flipping the college fund into a house. They would have paid for college if he went to a different school. Good for them. Smart parents and kid.

Anonymous wrote:We give $5k a month and usually he only spends $3-$4k.

Ummmm. Seriously? What does your child pay for with that money?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are already paying tuition, room and board, it is time for Dear Son to get a job.

Exactly.

I think my adult son/daughter would be embarrassed to accept $100+ week from Mommy. He hasn't gotten an allowance since middle school.

How sad for your child that they know they cannot count on you for support. My parents paid for everything. We worked summers and they put the money away and gave us a debit card and credit card. They paid for everything. I have no idea what I spent but it wasn't much and they never complained. Same parents also taught me to set up a Roth and other retirement accounts with my first job..... as a parent I would be embarrassed not to financially support my child if they were in school, especially minors and I was able.

You do realize that 99% of college students are actually adults? Land the helicopter lady. My parents paid for my college tuition and I got a job for 15 hours a week for 'spending money'. Maybe your adult children could stand to learn some responsibility.

You need to land the helicopter. You can financially support your kids as by then they should have been taught financial responsibility. If you haven't taught your kid by then, you have bigger issues. I worked summers and my parents did not agree with me working during the school year, especially given my major required 24 hour a week internships for 3 years.

How do you teach someone financial responsibility by just giving them tons of money to spend?

+1,000