Anonymous
06/20/2017 21:32
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Look, my SIL is poor too. The ILs will fund her family if you don't. It gets on my nerves but i try to feel thankful than I am not a trash fire and we have enough to live comfortably.
Anonymous
06/20/2017 21:14
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Luckily, this isn't YOUR sister, so you get to take a back seat, guilt-free. This is up to DH and/or his parents.
And if you spend more than you usually would on food? Think of it as doing something really nice for your nieces and nephews.
Life is short. You have the money, thankfully. See it as an investment in the happiness of your husband and his family; an investment in Cousin Time.
Make yourself an extra drink and relax and just enjoy the good things, and focus on the good things. Let the bad things go.
And if you spend more than you usually would on food? Think of it as doing something really nice for your nieces and nephews.
Life is short. You have the money, thankfully. See it as an investment in the happiness of your husband and his family; an investment in Cousin Time.
Make yourself an extra drink and relax and just enjoy the good things, and focus on the good things. Let the bad things go.
Anonymous
06/20/2017 21:10
Subject: Re:How do I make myself just not care?
Try the money pooling idea. "Heading to Coscto, let's all put in $xxx and we'll get stocked for the week." If that doesnt work, sil has real finacial issues that her parents and brother feel bad about. At that point, just do the shopping and be generous because you can be. You'll feel good about it in the end.
Please dont hoard food in your room or label items, you are an extended family with children , not a 20 something grouphouse with a roommate's creepy unemployed boyfriend mooching off everyone.
Please come back and give us an update post vaca.
Please dont hoard food in your room or label items, you are an extended family with children , not a 20 something grouphouse with a roommate's creepy unemployed boyfriend mooching off everyone.
Please come back and give us an update post vaca.
Anonymous
06/20/2017 20:50
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
This is why I don't travel with my husband's family. The
Anonymous
06/20/2017 20:40
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Stay elsewhere next year. This year just eat the money
Anonymous
06/20/2017 20:26
Subject: Re:How do I make myself just not care?
There you go op: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/6142248
Anonymous
06/20/2017 20:23
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can control yourself, not other people.
So focus on what YOU can do in this situation.
That's what I want to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this? Meditation? Mindfulness? Writing out my frustrations on paper and then throwing them in the ocean?
No. You are resentful because you have set no boundaries and then are taken advantage of. Surely this must happen in other areas of your life?
Are you the poster who can tell people's weight and sex life through one anon post?
I have no idea what you are talking about. But from my own patterns, and after watching my mom's reactions and relationships (who I learned from) I know that people who get pissed at others for being thoughtless like OP often do not communicate their boundaries and then slowly over time they get so angry they end up cutting off relationships altogether. The way to keep peace in relationships is not by staying silent and getting walked over (a lot of times these people are afraid of conflict) but by talking and setting boundaries and letting people know, kindly and firmly, when they are crossed.
Oy vey. It's not about you.
Post your own thread about your issues and quit projecting on strangers.
You don't think OP's lengthy post about how her blood boiling over this issue yet not saying one word to anyone about anything ("tell me how not to care") just screams boundary issues? I wrote about my family's pattern to show that it is common, esp for women.
Yup, I'm another one like this, and I wrote one of the first posts about accepting that you can only control your own behavior, not others. You need to set limits that work for you. If you're unwilling to do that, you're contributing to the problem.
Anonymous
06/20/2017 20:18
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can control yourself, not other people.
So focus on what YOU can do in this situation.
That's what I want to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this? Meditation? Mindfulness? Writing out my frustrations on paper and then throwing them in the ocean?
No. You are resentful because you have set no boundaries and then are taken advantage of. Surely this must happen in other areas of your life?
Are you the poster who can tell people's weight and sex life through one anon post?
I have no idea what you are talking about. But from my own patterns, and after watching my mom's reactions and relationships (who I learned from) I know that people who get pissed at others for being thoughtless like OP often do not communicate their boundaries and then slowly over time they get so angry they end up cutting off relationships altogether. The way to keep peace in relationships is not by staying silent and getting walked over (a lot of times these people are afraid of conflict) but by talking and setting boundaries and letting people know, kindly and firmly, when they are crossed.
Oy vey. It's not about you.
Post your own thread about your issues and quit projecting on strangers.
You don't think OP's lengthy post about how her blood boiling over this issue yet not saying one word to anyone about anything ("tell me how not to care") just screams boundary issues? I wrote about my family's pattern to show that it is common, esp for women.
Anonymous
06/20/2017 20:02
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can control yourself, not other people.
So focus on what YOU can do in this situation.
That's what I want to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this? Meditation? Mindfulness? Writing out my frustrations on paper and then throwing them in the ocean?
No. You are resentful because you have set no boundaries and then are taken advantage of. Surely this must happen in other areas of your life?
Are you the poster who can tell people's weight and sex life through one anon post?
I have no idea what you are talking about. But from my own patterns, and after watching my mom's reactions and relationships (who I learned from) I know that people who get pissed at others for being thoughtless like OP often do not communicate their boundaries and then slowly over time they get so angry they end up cutting off relationships altogether. The way to keep peace in relationships is not by staying silent and getting walked over (a lot of times these people are afraid of conflict) but by talking and setting boundaries and letting people know, kindly and firmly, when they are crossed.
You sound very wise. Are you familiar with the Enneagram?
Anonymous
06/20/2017 19:48
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can control yourself, not other people.
So focus on what YOU can do in this situation.
That's what I want to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this? Meditation? Mindfulness? Writing out my frustrations on paper and then throwing them in the ocean?
No. You are resentful because you have set no boundaries and then are taken advantage of. Surely this must happen in other areas of your life?
Are you the poster who can tell people's weight and sex life through one anon post?
I have no idea what you are talking about. But from my own patterns, and after watching my mom's reactions and relationships (who I learned from) I know that people who get pissed at others for being thoughtless like OP often do not communicate their boundaries and then slowly over time they get so angry they end up cutting off relationships altogether. The way to keep peace in relationships is not by staying silent and getting walked over (a lot of times these people are afraid of conflict) but by talking and setting boundaries and letting people know, kindly and firmly, when they are crossed.
Oy vey. It's not about you.
Post your own thread about your issues and quit projecting on strangers.
Anonymous
06/20/2017 19:26
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can control yourself, not other people.
So focus on what YOU can do in this situation.
That's what I want to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this? Meditation? Mindfulness? Writing out my frustrations on paper and then throwing them in the ocean?
No. You are resentful because you have set no boundaries and then are taken advantage of. Surely this must happen in other areas of your life?
Are you the poster who can tell people's weight and sex life through one anon post?
I have no idea what you are talking about. But from my own patterns, and after watching my mom's reactions and relationships (who I learned from) I know that people who get pissed at others for being thoughtless like OP often do not communicate their boundaries and then slowly over time they get so angry they end up cutting off relationships altogether. The way to keep peace in relationships is not by staying silent and getting walked over (a lot of times these people are afraid of conflict) but by talking and setting boundaries and letting people know, kindly and firmly, when they are crossed.
Anonymous
06/20/2017 19:20
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can control yourself, not other people.
So focus on what YOU can do in this situation.
That's what I want to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this? Meditation? Mindfulness? Writing out my frustrations on paper and then throwing them in the ocean?
No. You are resentful because you have set no boundaries and then are taken advantage of. Surely this must happen in other areas of your life?
Are you the poster who can tell people's weight and sex life through one anon post?
Anonymous
06/20/2017 19:18
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can control yourself, not other people.
So focus on what YOU can do in this situation.
That's what I want to do. Do you have any suggestions on how to do this? Meditation? Mindfulness? Writing out my frustrations on paper and then throwing them in the ocean?
No. You are resentful because you have set no boundaries and then are taken advantage of. Surely this must happen in other areas of your life?
Anonymous
06/20/2017 19:11
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
I can understand being annoyed, but as others have said, it's not worth dwelling on. I think you should let your inlaws buy the food and pay them directly for how much you feel is fair for your family.
Anonymous
06/20/2017 19:09
Subject: How do I make myself just not care?
Your SIL has 4 kids and doesn't buy food?
That's a lot of kids. I'd be upset also.
That's a lot of kids. I'd be upset also.