Anonymous wrote:Thanks for to everyone for their thoughts. She is my oldest and I'm not sure what is the norm for these kinds of things, I only know that I want to do my absolute best raising her even if it makes me anxious or uncomfortable.

That's a great attitude OP. A lot of firsts made me anxious too. It's important to push through and encourage your kids to try new things and be independent. I never want them to pick up on my anxiety if my anxiety isn't warranted. Anxiety breeds anxiety.

Did you spend the night with your grandparents when you were a child? Maybe reflecting on those memories will help reduce your anxiety.

When we moved we left our then 2 year old (almost 3) with my in-laws when we were looking for new housing. It was 5 nights, so longer than I would have liked, but she did fine. She acted up a little when we got back.

That daughter is now almost 5. My mother asked her if she could come get her and take her to her house for a visit (2 hours by plane). She said she'd miss me too much. When my in-laws or parents stay near us in a hotel my DD loves having "sleepovers".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are your feelings, and you don't have to adjust your feelings to suit the needs of others. Some people are okay with sleepovers (family or otherwise), and some people are not. They all live.

If you want to adjust, perhaps start with one night, and go from there - just book a hotel in the area. At five, I was not ready to spend the night anywhere but home - family or not. By six, I was okay with it.

No one is telling OP to "adjust her feelings." Of course they're her feelings. She has shared she is feeling anxious and wants some feedback as to whether she should push through those feelings and allow her daughter to make the visit. What folks are prompting her to do is work through them, not ignore or dismiss them.

I will feel sad when my son graduates high school in a few years. I will miss him when he goes to college. That doesn't mean I should stand in the way of that and keep him home. I'll have to work through those feelings. Same for OP.

(And what adult remembers how they felt about sleeping away from home at age 5 versus 6???)

+ 1

Parenthood is all ABOUT adjusting your feelings! It can't always be about what I, the mom, am comfortable with or my kids would never leave the house! Otherwise I'd never let my child ride a horse, compete in a wrestling match, or learn to drive a car because it would always provide me with anxiety. But it isn't about me. It's about my kid.

My best memories are summers with my grandparents, and now that they are gone, those memories are all I have. Absolutely let your child spend the night with loving and responsible grandparents, so long as there are no true safety concerns.

I know I'm not the only person who can remember things from kindergarten and first grade as separate/different experiences. Maybe I'm just younger than you are, so it wasn't as long ago?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are your feelings, and you don't have to adjust your feelings to suit the needs of others. Some people are okay with sleepovers (family or otherwise), and some people are not. They all live.

If you want to adjust, perhaps start with one night, and go from there - just book a hotel in the area. At five, I was not ready to spend the night anywhere but home - family or not. By six, I was okay with it.

No one is telling OP to "adjust her feelings." Of course they're her feelings. She has shared she is feeling anxious and wants some feedback as to whether she should push through those feelings and allow her daughter to make the visit. What folks are prompting her to do is work through them, not ignore or dismiss them.

I will feel sad when my son graduates high school in a few years. I will miss him when he goes to college. That doesn't mean I should stand in the way of that and keep him home. I'll have to work through those feelings. Same for OP.

(And what adult remembers how they felt about sleeping away from home at age 5 versus 6???)

Those of us who remember kindergarten and first grade. Really? You don't remember things from each year to the point that you can differentiate experiences?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are your feelings, and you don't have to adjust your feelings to suit the needs of others. Some people are okay with sleepovers (family or otherwise), and some people are not. They all live.

If you want to adjust, perhaps start with one night, and go from there - just book a hotel in the area. At five, I was not ready to spend the night anywhere but home - family or not. By six, I was okay with it.

No one is telling OP to "adjust her feelings." Of course they're her feelings. She has shared she is feeling anxious and wants some feedback as to whether she should push through those feelings and allow her daughter to make the visit. What folks are prompting her to do is work through them, not ignore or dismiss them.

I will feel sad when my son graduates high school in a few years. I will miss him when he goes to college. That doesn't mean I should stand in the way of that and keep him home. I'll have to work through those feelings. Same for OP.

(And what adult remembers how they felt about sleeping away from home at age 5 versus 6???)

+ 1

My son did this for the fist time when he was 2.5 years old -- went to my grandparents weekend house which is 2 hours away for 1 night. I had just had a baby so it was a big help to me, but also it really allowed for amazing bonding time with his grandparents. He is 4 years old and begs to go now --- we allow him 2 nights these days every 2-3 months on a weekend. It has been so great for both him and my grandparents.

My 2 yo has yet to go away with them --- I don't feel comfortable with them handling both plus she has a more attached personality. I may let her go when she is closer to 3 (she begs to go now as she hears her brother talking about it).

Go for it! Let go.

I allowed my son to do this for 1 night at a time when he was around 2.5 (I had just had a baby so it was also a big help). Now at age 4 he will go for 2 nights at a time happily. I say go for it!

My kids are 25 and 14. They still talk about the weekends or weeks with grandparents.

Let her go.

Anonymous wrote:Your feelings are your feelings, and you don't have to adjust your feelings to suit the needs of others. Some people are okay with sleepovers (family or otherwise), and some people are not. They all live.

If you want to adjust, perhaps start with one night, and go from there - just book a hotel in the area. At five, I was not ready to spend the night anywhere but home - family or not. By six, I was okay with it.

No one is telling OP to "adjust her feelings." Of course they're her feelings. She has shared she is feeling anxious and wants some feedback as to whether she should push through those feelings and allow her daughter to make the visit. What folks are prompting her to do is work through them, not ignore or dismiss them.

I will feel sad when my son graduates high school in a few years. I will miss him when he goes to college. That doesn't mean I should stand in the way of that and keep him home. I'll have to work through those feelings. Same for OP.

(And what adult remembers how they felt about sleeping away from home at age 5 versus 6???)

Mine has been staying with my parents out of town since three, at our house with them since 8 months.

Your feelings are your feelings, and you don't have to adjust your feelings to suit the needs of others. Some people are okay with sleepovers (family or otherwise), and some people are not. They all live.

If you want to adjust, perhaps start with one night, and go from there - just book a hotel in the area. At five, I was not ready to spend the night anywhere but home - family or not. By six, I was okay with it.

Assuming no safety concerns and no special needs that you think the in-laws can't handle, I would ABSOLUTELY do this. My kids (oldest is 5) stay with my parents (local) all the time and have stayed with my in-laws (out of town) for a night here and there. Also both sets of grandparents have watched the kids at our house while we have gone out of town. It's good for everyone involved. The kids LOVE it, grandparents are thrilled, and we get a little break. I have fond memories of going away with my grandparents on vacations over the years and apparently started when I was 2. I am so grateful for those experiences and that bond, and I hope my kids are lucky enough to have the same.

Totally! It's great bonding for them and it's nice to have some alone time with your husband. My MIL watches our kids for one trip, usually between 2-4 nights each year (5 year old and 2.5 year old). Started this when our first was a baby. I really think it's good for their relationship. I'm not super close with my MIL but I trust her with the kids for sure.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for to everyone for their thoughts. She is my oldest and I'm not sure what is the norm for these kinds of things, I only know that I want to do my absolute best raising her even if it makes me anxious or uncomfortable.

OP, the best thing you can do for a child is to repeatedly broaden their horizons. This means you introduce into their world both new experiences and new people. As long as they are safe, they will be fine. Discomfort is good for children to experience -- it teaches them to access their own well of strength and resolve.