Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She could use her science degree and go to medical/dental school.

OP, please be the parent of the child you actually have, not of the child you wish you had.

I am. Is it wrong that I want the only child I have to be successful?

It's fine to help her consider a wider array of options that fit with her interests (e.g. working with dancers as a physical therapist could be a great fit depending on the kid) and help her understand expected income from different career paths. But, you need to widen your definition of "success". For many in DCUM-land "success" just means "making a lot of money" but there are plenty of people who would rather earn less to pursue what they are passionate about. As long as they can figure out how to live within their means, there is nothing wrong with that.

+1

I have a friend who really wanted to major in theatre, but her parents refused to pay for any "not practical" degree, so she majored in accounting and absolutely hated it. I was a theatre major, and she was in lots of plays with us. While she tried hard in her classes, she never had her heart in it the way she would have in a more liberal arts focus, and her grades weren't up to par. She works in customer service at an insurance agency now. Who knows what she would have been had she been given the chance to live her college education?

FWIW, I use my theatre degree every day, and am happy that I had the opportunity to earn it, along with the study of other general education classes in my college career. I do wish that I had had the foresight to take a business class or two though.

Teach her to marry up, these are Mrs. degrees

Look, your kid isn't going to be a science major. But she hasn't even been accepted to a dance education or a culinary arts program yet. If she really isn't a good dancer or a good chef, then she probably won't be. This is the kind of problem that might well take care of itself. Rather than trying to make her do a 180, talk about the importance of backing up her dreams--taking business and accounting classes, in case she wants to own her own business. Getting a degree in physical therapy to go with that dance ed. Etc.

The more you freak out about this and dump on her dream, the more she'll dig in. Enter into planning with her, reminding her about the practical things she can do to make success more likely. And remember that she might well change her mind completely in college when she's exposed to new subjects and opportunities.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She could use her science degree and go to medical/dental school.

OP, please be the parent of the child you actually have, not of the child you wish you had.

I am. Is it wrong that I want the only child I have to be successful?

It's fine to help her consider a wider array of options that fit with her interests (e.g. working with dancers as a physical therapist could be a great fit depending on the kid) and help her understand expected income from different career paths. But, you need to widen your definition of "success". For many in DCUM-land "success" just means "making a lot of money" but there are plenty of people who would rather earn less to pursue what they are passionate about. As long as they can figure out how to live within their means, there is nothing wrong with that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

She could use her science degree and go to medical/dental school.

OP, please be the parent of the child you actually have, not of the child you wish you had.

I am. Is it wrong that I want the only child I have to be successful?

Anonymous wrote:

She could use her science degree and go to medical/dental school.

OP, please be the parent of the child you actually have, not of the child you wish you had.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catering? Teaching dance?

I'm amazed at all the responses saying she should pursue these things. You know how much caterers and dance teachers make? She'll probably never break 75k in those combined endeavors and that'll be with her working ALL the time, including at night and on weekends when people throw typically parties.

The restaurant business in particular sucks. There is a reason why people who work in it often develop alcohol and drug problems. It's hard to go to work when mostly everyone else is relaxing.

Funny coming from a board where people complain about not having enough money on 300k HHI.

Thank you! Someone who's being realistic!

Why science then? Doesn't pay that much and huge competition with Asian college grads. If it's about money and there is no interest, why not encourage to go into something more lucrative.

She could use her science degree and go to medical/dental school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an attorney and there isn't a day that goes by when I don't wish that I had gone to culinary school instead. I wish that I had been your daughter and realized that that's what I wanted at 16 rather than at 36, when it was way, way too late.

a.) People often find that when they try to turn their passions into paying work, it ruins their love for the hobby

b.) you probably make a lot more money as an attorney which affords you nice things that you wouldn't have as a caterer or chef, such as vacations. It's a really hard industry to make an UMC living from.

This is just sad to read. I would never ever say this to a child. Getting to a "UMC living" through a corporate soul crushing job might be worth to some, some even forget that life outside of work exists. Those mediocre engineers, analysts, attorneys, that went into the field purely to earn a living are often miserable.

You're being very unrealistic. Say this girl wants to stay in the DC area. Do you know how hard it would be to save up a DP to buy an apartment or a house on a part time caterer/part time dance teacher salary? We're talking paycheck to paycheck existence here.

I don't fault the OP for wanting better than that for her daughter.

OK, so OP sits down with OP's 16-year-old daughter and says, "Honey, I want you to have an upper-middle-class income when you grow up -- defined as, enough to buy property in a neighborhood in Montgomery County with "good schools" -- so you need to major in science in college, and you shouldn't go into catering or dance."

Do you think that sounds ludicrous? I do.

I don't. I wish my parents had known enough to have that talk with me (history major).

I plan to have it with my children when they are older. We make a very nice living and will be able to help them somewhat as adults but if they want to have the lifestyle they enjoy now with a nice house in an expensive area, several vacations a year, college savings and expensive extracurricular activities for any kids they might have, they'll have to get a job that pays more than catering.

I have a feeling the OP has a nice lifestyle now if the daughter is such a serious dancer that she auditioned for a competitive school in NYC. They must spend a lot on dance classes.

I spend way more than I'd like to. She's not even a competitive dancer at the studio she attends, but she insisted on auditioning for a dance company in NYC. I knew she wouldn't make it, but I decided to humor her and let her try anyway.

Anonymous wrote:OP do you have the kind of money to invest in a future business for her? A catering company or a restaurant? That is often how these people get started. They have rich parents who give them the seed money to get started.

I'm a single mom and not a rich one! Even if I were rich, I would still feel the same way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Catering? Teaching dance?

I'm amazed at all the responses saying she should pursue these things. You know how much caterers and dance teachers make? She'll probably never break 75k in those combined endeavors and that'll be with her working ALL the time, including at night and on weekends when people throw typically parties.

The restaurant business in particular sucks. There is a reason why people who work in it often develop alcohol and drug problems. It's hard to go to work when mostly everyone else is relaxing.

Funny coming from a board where people complain about not having enough money on 300k HHI.

Thank you! Someone who's being realistic!

Why science then? Doesn't pay that much and huge competition with Asian college grads. If it's about money and there is no interest, why not encourage to go into something more lucrative.

Look, this is what grad school's for. She'll go to undergrad, major in whatever, work hard for no money for a few years, like at first and then see it's actually not romantic, and go to grad school.

This will work itself out, but the more you dissuade her, the longer she'll stay in the middle phase of hard work for no money, because she won't want to admit you were right.

Anonymous wrote:Catering? Teaching dance?

I'm amazed at all the responses saying she should pursue these things. You know how much caterers and dance teachers make? She'll probably never break 75k in those combined endeavors and that'll be with her working ALL the time, including at night and on weekends when people throw typically parties.

The restaurant business in particular sucks. There is a reason why people who work in it often develop alcohol and drug problems. It's hard to go to work when mostly everyone else is relaxing.

Funny coming from a board where people complain about not having enough money on 300k HHI.

haha, true true.

Anonymous wrote:Catering? Teaching dance?

I'm amazed at all the responses saying she should pursue these things. You know how much caterers and dance teachers make? She'll probably never break 75k in those combined endeavors and that'll be with her working ALL the time, including at night and on weekends when people throw typically parties.

The restaurant business in particular sucks. There is a reason why people who work in it often develop alcohol and drug problems. It's hard to go to work when mostly everyone else is relaxing.

Funny coming from a board where people complain about not having enough money on 300k HHI.

Thank you! Someone who's being realistic!

She's a junior in high school. Don't worry so much about her cuurent ideas re her long-term future plans. Kids' ideas change. External events intervene. It's all pretty fluid.

Instead, focus on helping her make good short-term choices that will give her a strong -- and broad -- foundation for all sorts of things down the road.

Specifically:

(1) HARD WORK / PERSISTENCE:

Help her continue to focus on WORKING HARD at whatever she does. It could be dance. It could be cooking. It MUST ALSO be ALL of her classes -- that knowledge and those grades are what will help get her into a good college where she can continue to learn and grow.

Help her remember it's not just about the results -- or even the specific focus of the hard work (dance vs. science).

It's about developing the HABIT and willingness to put in the time and effort CONSISTENTLY, even when it's hard, boring, unfulfilling etc. This will serve her well and help her succeed at whatever she does. (Including maybe starting or running a business someday re dance or catering or more likely, something else entirely that she's not yet aware of.)

(2) EXPLORIE A BROAD RANGE OF CLASSES/ACTIVITIES:

Encourage her to keep trying and experimenting with new things, as well as the things she knows she loves. This means yes -- continue with dance classes and exploring culinary arts. But also encourage her to mix in some different and new things, too. Maybe some business classes, some science classes (food chemistry is a real thing!), and other topics, too.

Both of you need to remember that her goals at age 16 are not necessarily forever. As I started college, I got great advice to use half my classes to focus on my intended major (either required classes for the major, or electives that tangentially related to or supported the major), AND then to use the other half of my classes to experiment with and learn completely different stuff. Art history. Biological anthropology. Religion. Philosophy. Literature. History. etc. None of which seemingly applied to my major. More of the classic liberal arts type of stuff.

It was great advice -- the broad range of electives helped enhance and expand my understanding and approach to my major, and ultimately my career. Rather than binding myself to a narrow focus from the start, I learned how to take a more expansive view of education, career development, and personal development/life. 25 years later, it's never been about just taking the most direct route from Point A to Point B. There's a lot to be experienced along the way, and I've been very successful as a result. (DH is similar).

For a high school junior, what does this mean? Maybe getting her a subscription to Fast Company magazine, for example? It's an accessible magazine focused on entrepreneurship and small business. Maybe interesting and helpful to someone thinking about dance/catering businesses? Maybe opens her up to developing business skills more generally? Or encouraging her to take a science elective that's more of a social science / hard science blend, rather than hard core science major type of stuff? Or maybe a six-week evening class through the County Rec program on something fun but unrelated. Teach her to be OPEN-MINDED and CURIOUS about learning all sorts of things. It will serve her well no matter what.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an attorney and there isn't a day that goes by when I don't wish that I had gone to culinary school instead. I wish that I had been your daughter and realized that that's what I wanted at 16 rather than at 36, when it was way, way too late.

a.) People often find that when they try to turn their passions into paying work, it ruins their love for the hobby

b.) you probably make a lot more money as an attorney which affords you nice things that you wouldn't have as a caterer or chef, such as vacations. It's a really hard industry to make an UMC living from.

This is just sad to read. I would never ever say this to a child. Getting to a "UMC living" through a corporate soul crushing job might be worth to some, some even forget that life outside of work exists. Those mediocre engineers, analysts, attorneys, that went into the field purely to earn a living are often miserable.

You're being very unrealistic. Say this girl wants to stay in the DC area. Do you know how hard it would be to save up a DP to buy an apartment or a house on a part time caterer/part time dance teacher salary? We're talking paycheck to paycheck existence here.

I don't fault the OP for wanting better than that for her daughter.

We don't know if she wants to stay in DC area. Regardless, better is definitely not equal "more money while living in a metro area (be it DC, NY, LA, SF, etc)". I would have conversations along those lines. If better is coincident with such, it's a different story and there are different ways to get there (don't forget marriage). Plus, they will see next year how Calc is going. That might settle it. In a worse case, she can go to law school Undergrad doesn't matter.