Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me process this, I don't know where else to ask. In Dec my 10 month old son died after a brutal battle with a heart defect. He never left the ICU in all of that time. My husband and I went to great lengths to get pregnant after many fail attempts and finally got pregnant with twins after IVF abroad.

I am now pregnant naturally with a miracle due exactly 9 months from his funeral. Obviously we are still in shock and disbelief with a host of complex emotions and feelings. I had a fetal echo to check out the heart this week and it came back normal and healthy. So I posted that much on Facebook. Everyone was incredibly supportive about it. I also had some "Praise God" and "Thanks be to God" on my post. I don't get it. These are people that prayed fervently for my son to be healed. Why would I thank god for creating this healthy heart when he gave my son a defective one? I'm so irritated by this and I've been thinking about it all day. On one hand I almost see it as a pat saying like "awesome" or "yay". I just don't understand this thought process. Help me understand and I mean that in a genuinely curious way.

I don't quite understand what you don't get about this. They're thanking God for your blessing. Your new healthy pregnancy. Your "miracle" as you called it. He deserves the thanks and the glory because He did it.

Separately, you unfortunately lost your first son (my deepest condolences to you). Your son's life, though short, was also a blessing. Though your friends prayed for him to be healed, God had another plan...a better plan, and you may not understand it yet.

The two prayers, two praises, are separate.

He had a better plan than a baby getting to live and be with his family? Please go away.

Yes, every life is a blessing and happens for a reason. My God doesn't make mistakes and everything is for a purpose. That little angel of OP's lived his life for a purpose and it was sadly cut short for a purpose that God will reveal to OP if He hasn't already.

Anonymous wrote:Please help me process this, I don't know where else to ask. In Dec my 10 month old son died after a brutal battle with a heart defect. He never left the ICU in all of that time. My husband and I went to great lengths to get pregnant after many fail attempts and finally got pregnant with twins after IVF abroad.

I am now pregnant naturally with a miracle due exactly 9 months from his funeral. Obviously we are still in shock and disbelief with a host of complex emotions and feelings. I had a fetal echo to check out the heart this week and it came back normal and healthy. So I posted that much on Facebook. Everyone was incredibly supportive about it. I also had some "Praise God" and "Thanks be to God" on my post. I don't get it. These are people that prayed fervently for my son to be healed. Why would I thank god for creating this healthy heart when he gave my son a defective one? I'm so irritated by this and I've been thinking about it all day. On one hand I almost see it as a pat saying like "awesome" or "yay". I just don't understand this thought process. Help me understand and I mean that in a genuinely curious way.

Wait are you currently pregnant with twins? Or one?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please help me process this, I don't know where else to ask. In Dec my 10 month old son died after a brutal battle with a heart defect. He never left the ICU in all of that time. My husband and I went to great lengths to get pregnant after many fail attempts and finally got pregnant with twins after IVF abroad.

I am now pregnant naturally with a miracle due exactly 9 months from his funeral. Obviously we are still in shock and disbelief with a host of complex emotions and feelings. I had a fetal echo to check out the heart this week and it came back normal and healthy. So I posted that much on Facebook. Everyone was incredibly supportive about it. I also had some "Praise God" and "Thanks be to God" on my post. I don't get it. These are people that prayed fervently for my son to be healed. Why would I thank god for creating this healthy heart when he gave my son a defective one? I'm so irritated by this and I've been thinking about it all day. On one hand I almost see it as a pat saying like "awesome" or "yay". I just don't understand this thought process. Help me understand and I mean that in a genuinely curious way.

I don't quite understand what you don't get about this. They're thanking God for your blessing. Your new healthy pregnancy. Your "miracle" as you called it. He deserves the thanks and the glory because He did it.

Separately, you unfortunately lost your first son (my deepest condolences to you). Your son's life, though short, was also a blessing. Though your friends prayed for him to be healed, God had another plan...a better plan, and you may not understand it yet.

The two prayers, two praises, are separate.

He had a better plan than a baby getting to live and be with his family? Please go away.

Anonymous wrote:Please help me process this, I don't know where else to ask. In Dec my 10 month old son died after a brutal battle with a heart defect. He never left the ICU in all of that time. My husband and I went to great lengths to get pregnant after many fail attempts and finally got pregnant with twins after IVF abroad.

I am now pregnant naturally with a miracle due exactly 9 months from his funeral. Obviously we are still in shock and disbelief with a host of complex emotions and feelings. I had a fetal echo to check out the heart this week and it came back normal and healthy. So I posted that much on Facebook. Everyone was incredibly supportive about it. I also had some "Praise God" and "Thanks be to God" on my post. I don't get it. These are people that prayed fervently for my son to be healed. Why would I thank god for creating this healthy heart when he gave my son a defective one? I'm so irritated by this and I've been thinking about it all day. On one hand I almost see it as a pat saying like "awesome" or "yay". I just don't understand this thought process. Help me understand and I mean that in a genuinely curious way.

I don't quite understand what you don't get about this. They're thanking God for your blessing. Your new healthy pregnancy. Your "miracle" as you called it. He deserves the thanks and the glory because He did it.

Separately, you unfortunately lost your first son (my deepest condolences to you). Your son's life, though short, was also a blessing. Though your friends prayed for him to be healed, God had another plan...a better plan, and you may not understand it yet.

The two prayers, two praises, are separate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are thanking God that you clearly wanted to be pregnant again, and you are pregnant again. They are thanking God that you wanted a healthy pregnancy this time, and you have a healthy pregnancy this time.

I know it doesn't make up for your losses or heal your wounds, but they are thankful for THIS moment, for THIS good thing.

They are thanking God that your journey a mother could have ended with losing one child and with heartbreaking fertility struggles. But your journey now continues with a healthy pregnancy. And even though you have had an awful, catastrophic time before, right NOW there is something to be very thankful for.

I am so very sorry for your loss and for all of your struggles. I hope all goes well with this pregnancy. Wishing the best for you.

Did they blame God too for her loss? It feels disrespectful to me to be thanking God without acknowledging that God wasn't there for her when really needed.

But you must keep in mind that Christians truly believe that the baby is now with God, and that someday all loss and pain and suffering will be put to rest in the glory of a new life with God. We are told to be comforted knowing that happiness and joy are not for this life; we know there is great suffering in this life. What is to come is what we are living for, but there is much gratitude for joy in the here and now. There is no "blame" on God for suffering in this world; that is the way of this world.

Christians believe that God provides blessings and comfort and is not involved in any of the many bad things that can befall people. And as long as you can believe that, he also promises you an eternal life in heaven with him and all your loved ones.

That makes no sense. Christian theology is that God created everything and that God is immutable in time. Therefore, God knew from the dawn of time that OP's baby would die because that's what would happen in the world that He created.

One of the many joys of atheism is not having to deal with these issues. Why did I inherit the stutter which runs in my father's family when other cousins did not? Why does my son have ADHD and ASD? It's just because that's the way it is. No God to blame and no God to thank.

Nope. That's not what Christian theology teaches. Perhaps some individuals believe that, but as a Christian I believe:
God is divine spark of initial creation (i.e. Big Bang)
That all rest of creation happened as understood by scientists (no, I don't believe is 7 days and Adam making Eve out of a rib).
That the universe is now running along as it was created--an unbelievably complex systems with an infinite number of variables that combine and collide and the endless intersections of these variable result in instances of joy and tragedy. Not because of some deliberate attempt to give one human suffering or happiness.
For believers like me, God is there to share in both your moments of celebration and your moments of grief.

It is totally okay that OP or others on this board don't subscribe to this thinking, and my post, like other posts by other PPs, is not to convince you my interpretation is correct, it's just to offer my interpretation. As others have stated, the response posts from people on OP's social media should not be read as anything more than a very common way that many people say "Great news!"

And it truly is great news, OP. Best wishes to you an your family.

That's something friends and family can do. No need for a supreme being to share good and bad times.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are thanking God that you clearly wanted to be pregnant again, and you are pregnant again. They are thanking God that you wanted a healthy pregnancy this time, and you have a healthy pregnancy this time.

I know it doesn't make up for your losses or heal your wounds, but they are thankful for THIS moment, for THIS good thing.

They are thanking God that your journey a mother could have ended with losing one child and with heartbreaking fertility struggles. But your journey now continues with a healthy pregnancy. And even though you have had an awful, catastrophic time before, right NOW there is something to be very thankful for.

I am so very sorry for your loss and for all of your struggles. I hope all goes well with this pregnancy. Wishing the best for you.

Did they blame God too for her loss? It feels disrespectful to me to be thanking God without acknowledging that God wasn't there for her when really needed.

But you must keep in mind that Christians truly believe that the baby is now with God, and that someday all loss and pain and suffering will be put to rest in the glory of a new life with God. We are told to be comforted knowing that happiness and joy are not for this life; we know there is great suffering in this life. What is to come is what we are living for, but there is much gratitude for joy in the here and now. There is no "blame" on God for suffering in this world; that is the way of this world.

Christians believe that God provides blessings and comfort and is not involved in any of the many bad things that can befall people. And as long as you can believe that, he also promises you an eternal life in heaven with him and all your loved ones.

That makes no sense. Christian theology is that God created everything and that God is immutable in time. Therefore, God knew from the dawn of time that OP's baby would die because that's what would happen in the world that He created.

One of the many joys of atheism is not having to deal with these issues. Why did I inherit the stutter which runs in my father's family when other cousins did not? Why does my son have ADHD and ASD? It's just because that's the way it is. No God to blame and no God to thank.

Nope. That's not what Christian theology teaches. Perhaps some individuals believe that, but as a Christian I believe:
God is divine spark of initial creation (i.e. Big Bang)
That all rest of creation happened as understood by scientists (no, I don't believe is 7 days and Adam making Eve out of a rib).
That the universe is now running along as it was created--an unbelievably complex systems with an infinite number of variables that combine and collide and the endless intersections of these variable result in instances of joy and tragedy. Not because of some deliberate attempt to give one human suffering or happiness.
For believers like me, God is there to share in both your moments of celebration and your moments of grief.

It is totally okay that OP or others on this board don't subscribe to this thinking, and my post, like other posts by other PPs, is not to convince you my interpretation is correct, it's just to offer my interpretation. As others have stated, the response posts from people on OP's social media should not be read as anything more than a very common way that many people say "Great news!"

And it truly is great news, OP. Best wishes to you an your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are thanking God that you clearly wanted to be pregnant again, and you are pregnant again. They are thanking God that you wanted a healthy pregnancy this time, and you have a healthy pregnancy this time.

I know it doesn't make up for your losses or heal your wounds, but they are thankful for THIS moment, for THIS good thing.

They are thanking God that your journey a mother could have ended with losing one child and with heartbreaking fertility struggles. But your journey now continues with a healthy pregnancy. And even though you have had an awful, catastrophic time before, right NOW there is something to be very thankful for.

I am so very sorry for your loss and for all of your struggles. I hope all goes well with this pregnancy. Wishing the best for you.

I'm not Op, but you are truly a good and kind person.

+1 Beautiful.

Hi OP. Although there are some really great responses to your question, another perspective is that some of those Facebook posters probably don't think before they speak. And they truly don't understand what you have been through and just say things in response to your post.

Some of my best friends ask me if this baby is healthy. I really want to say "wtf does that mean?" It cuts me like a knife. But I know they have no concept of what I have been through.

OP, I agree with the PP who stated that unless people have experienced a tragedy of similar magnitude, they just do not understand and cannot fathom the depth of your feelings or where you're coming from.

I do not believe in God, but I do believe the Universe, as I call it, wants the best for everyone. That's as far as I go with it. I don't look for deeper meaning in the tragedies of life because I don't think there is any. Life has shown me that good and bad things happen to everyone, both good and bad people. There is no divine meaning or reason for it, things just happen. Cancer, genocide, car wrecks, war, famine, disease, death, abuse. No good reason or explanation for any of it, despite what any nutjob Christian tries to tell me.

Coming from a Baptist upbringing, people most likely say Thank God because they are too shallow to express themselves any other way. What they really mean is, they are glad to see you in a better place despite the tragedy you endured. Of course they don't say "Bad God" or "Shame on you God" when tragedy strikes, because to them, their God can do no wrong. A very strange and unbeneficial way of thinking in my book, but to each his own.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously the people trying to explain Christianity and Buddhism here are not doing a good job of convincing people of anything. It all just sounds like gibberish.

Yep, I second that!

Sending you best wishes for both your babies. This one and the one you lost. You do not have to be Christian to have hope.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are thanking God that you clearly wanted to be pregnant again, and you are pregnant again. They are thanking God that you wanted a healthy pregnancy this time, and you have a healthy pregnancy this time.

I know it doesn't make up for your losses or heal your wounds, but they are thankful for THIS moment, for THIS good thing.

They are thanking God that your journey a mother could have ended with losing one child and with heartbreaking fertility struggles. But your journey now continues with a healthy pregnancy. And even though you have had an awful, catastrophic time before, right NOW there is something to be very thankful for.

I am so very sorry for your loss and for all of your struggles. I hope all goes well with this pregnancy. Wishing the best for you.

Did they blame God too for her loss? It feels disrespectful to me to be thanking God without acknowledging that God wasn't there for her when really needed.

But you must keep in mind that Christians truly believe that the baby is now with God, and that someday all loss and pain and suffering will be put to rest in the glory of a new life with God. We are told to be comforted knowing that happiness and joy are not for this life; we know there is great suffering in this life. What is to come is what we are living for, but there is much gratitude for joy in the here and now. There is no "blame" on God for suffering in this world; that is the way of this world.

Christians believe that God provides blessings and comfort and is not involved in any of the many bad things that can befall people. And as long as you can believe that, he also promises you an eternal life in heaven with him and all your loved ones.

That makes no sense. Christian theology is that God created everything and that God is immutable in time. Therefore, God knew from the dawn of time that OP's baby would die because that's what would happen in the world that He created.

One of the many joys of atheism is not having to deal with these issues. Why did I inherit the stutter which runs in my father's family when other cousins did not? Why does my son have ADHD and ASD? It's just because that's the way it is. No God to blame and no God to thank.

Being an atheist may simply life on earth, but it doesn't hold the hope that Christians have for an afterlife. True, there is no evidence for it, but when it comes to religious belief, evidence is not important. Faith is what matters.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are thanking God that you clearly wanted to be pregnant again, and you are pregnant again. They are thanking God that you wanted a healthy pregnancy this time, and you have a healthy pregnancy this time.

I know it doesn't make up for your losses or heal your wounds, but they are thankful for THIS moment, for THIS good thing.

They are thanking God that your journey a mother could have ended with losing one child and with heartbreaking fertility struggles. But your journey now continues with a healthy pregnancy. And even though you have had an awful, catastrophic time before, right NOW there is something to be very thankful for.

I am so very sorry for your loss and for all of your struggles. I hope all goes well with this pregnancy. Wishing the best for you.

Did they blame God too for her loss? It feels disrespectful to me to be thanking God without acknowledging that God wasn't there for her when really needed.

But you must keep in mind that Christians truly believe that the baby is now with God, and that someday all loss and pain and suffering will be put to rest in the glory of a new life with God. We are told to be comforted knowing that happiness and joy are not for this life; we know there is great suffering in this life. What is to come is what we are living for, but there is much gratitude for joy in the here and now. There is no "blame" on God for suffering in this world; that is the way of this world.

Christians believe that God provides blessings and comfort and is not involved in any of the many bad things that can befall people. And as long as you can believe that, he also promises you an eternal life in heaven with him and all your loved ones.

That makes no sense. Christian theology is that God created everything and that God is immutable in time. Therefore, God knew from the dawn of time that OP's baby would die because that's what would happen in the world that He created.

One of the many joys of atheism is not having to deal with these issues. Why did I inherit the stutter which runs in my father's family when other cousins did not? Why does my son have ADHD and ASD? It's just because that's the way it is. No God to blame and no God to thank.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are thanking God that you clearly wanted to be pregnant again, and you are pregnant again. They are thanking God that you wanted a healthy pregnancy this time, and you have a healthy pregnancy this time.

I know it doesn't make up for your losses or heal your wounds, but they are thankful for THIS moment, for THIS good thing.

They are thanking God that your journey a mother could have ended with losing one child and with heartbreaking fertility struggles. But your journey now continues with a healthy pregnancy. And even though you have had an awful, catastrophic time before, right NOW there is something to be very thankful for.

I am so very sorry for your loss and for all of your struggles. I hope all goes well with this pregnancy. Wishing the best for you.

Did they blame God too for her loss? It feels disrespectful to me to be thanking God without acknowledging that God wasn't there for her when really needed.

But you must keep in mind that Christians truly believe that the baby is now with God, and that someday all loss and pain and suffering will be put to rest in the glory of a new life with God. We are told to be comforted knowing that happiness and joy are not for this life; we know there is great suffering in this life. What is to come is what we are living for, but there is much gratitude for joy in the here and now. There is no "blame" on God for suffering in this world; that is the way of this world.

Christians believe that God provides blessings and comfort and is not involved in any of the many bad things that can befall people. And as long as you can believe that, he also promises you an eternal life in heaven with him and all your loved ones.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They are thanking God that you clearly wanted to be pregnant again, and you are pregnant again. They are thanking God that you wanted a healthy pregnancy this time, and you have a healthy pregnancy this time.

I know it doesn't make up for your losses or heal your wounds, but they are thankful for THIS moment, for THIS good thing.

They are thanking God that your journey a mother could have ended with losing one child and with heartbreaking fertility struggles. But your journey now continues with a healthy pregnancy. And even though you have had an awful, catastrophic time before, right NOW there is something to be very thankful for.

I am so very sorry for your loss and for all of your struggles. I hope all goes well with this pregnancy. Wishing the best for you.

Did they blame God too for her loss? It feels disrespectful to me to be thanking God without acknowledging that God wasn't there for her when really needed.

But you must keep in mind that Christians truly believe that the baby is now with God, and that someday all loss and pain and suffering will be put to rest in the glory of a new life with God. We are told to be comforted knowing that happiness and joy are not for this life; we know there is great suffering in this life. What is to come is what we are living for, but there is much gratitude for joy in the here and now. There is no "blame" on God for suffering in this world; that is the way of this world.

Thank you for your respectful response. Not having been raised in this philosophy, it seems like a bit of a slap in the face to be grateful to God for all joy, but not to have any accountability in this world for suffering. It feels (to me) like minimizing the OPs pain. I can accept random chance as the driving force in things like atheists do. I can understand karma much more easily. But all good to God but all bad to man seems like blame the victim.

At any rate, I agree with pp that you seem like a lovely person in the way you hold yourself and post and thank you for engaging.