Anonymous wrote:

This isn't a good example of middle ground and in your example, you are more like OP than you think.

Hmm, interesting. FWIW, am often "spouse B' in this scenario. My spouse's desire to know if I am home for dinner or not and when to expect me does not seem unreasonable--it is not a passive aggressive complaint, it is simply wanting to know how to plan the evening. We have two kids who need to be put to bed, etc, so I always be sure to ask if its okay to go out and let my spouse know when I think I'm home. If he hasn't heard from my after my expected return, I am usually the one to check in but if I forget and he checks in, I dont take it as anything other than his making sure all is okay. . He would do the same for me. I totally get why people are jumping on OP--because she's being incredibly passive aggressive rather than simply communicating with her spouse. But I dont think its unreasonable to communicate or expect communication from your spouse about your whereabouts, especially when drinking is involved.

SO WHY DIDN'T SHE ASK

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:there's a middle ground. in my family it would be like this:

spouse A--hey, do you mind if I go to HH?

spouse B--sure, fine, should I wait for dinner for you?

Spouse a-yes, I'll be home by 7:30 or No, dont wait.

Spouse B--okay, text me before you leave

If, for some reason, 9 pm rolls around and spouse A hasn't come home? Spouse B--hey, are you okay? please let me know when you'l be home and take uber if you've been drinking.

Spouse b-sorry, leaving in 15 mins.

This isn't a good example of middle ground and in your example, you are more like OP than you think.

+ 1

A grown man must:
Ask for agreement
Establish a curfew
Call / text when en route home

Just put the ankle bracelet on him and make everyone happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this at all. If dh texted me this I would say "great have fun. On our own for dinner right?". Then I would have ordered take out and poured myself a glass of wine and watch a show dh doesn't enjoy.

You seem codependent, needy, and dim

+ 1.

I can understand if you have small kids because then you are short of helping hands, but if you have older kids (5 years and up), you should learn to CHILL. No kids? Take out, leftovers or a bowl of breakfast cereal. Soak in the bathtub and watch something that you don't usually. Or get in the bed and read some erotica or something equally fluff.

I have a 2 yo and 5 yo, and I still don't understand OP. She needs to chill FFS. Just make dinner, put leftovers I fridge for him. This is bizarre.

np + 4. OP, I will be astonished if he is your boyfriend long after this. Unless you are both off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:there's a middle ground. in my family it would be like this:

spouse A--hey, do you mind if I go to HH?

spouse B--sure, fine, should I wait for dinner for you?

Spouse a-yes, I'll be home by 7:30 or No, dont wait.

Spouse B--okay, text me before you leave

If, for some reason, 9 pm rolls around and spouse A hasn't come home? Spouse B--hey, are you okay? please let me know when you'l be home and take uber if you've been drinking.

Spouse b-sorry, leaving in 15 mins.

This isn't a good example of middle ground and in your example, you are more like OP than you think.

Sure it is. Key difference here: spouse A checks in to see if the behavior is an inconvenience. OP's spouse simply announces that he is going out, and does not communicate that he won't be home to eat.

PP here, I mean, I am spouse A. My partner works from home or travels. I'm the one with happy hours.

This isn't a good example of middle ground and in your example, you are more like OP than you think.

Hmm, interesting. FWIW, am often "spouse B' in this scenario. My spouse's desire to know if I am home for dinner or not and when to expect me does not seem unreasonable--it is not a passive aggressive complaint, it is simply wanting to know how to plan the evening. We have two kids who need to be put to bed, etc, so I always be sure to ask if its okay to go out and let my spouse know when I think I'm home. If he hasn't heard from my after my expected return, I am usually the one to check in but if I forget and he checks in, I dont take it as anything other than his making sure all is okay. . He would do the same for me. I totally get why people are jumping on OP--because she's being incredibly passive aggressive rather than simply communicating with her spouse. But I dont think its unreasonable to communicate or expect communication from your spouse about your whereabouts, especially when drinking is involved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I picture OP sitting waiting by the front door with her food bowl in her mouth.

I picture a 40-year-old man in his underwear typing these nasty responses while sitting in his room in his mother's basement.

Absurd question gets absurd response. Most of the other posters found the OP's behavior to be not unlike that of a pet mutely and helplessly waiting for its human to come home. What adult waits silently for hours, and then has to ask an online forum whether she should have dinner now or keep waiting?

Anonymous wrote:there's a middle ground. in my family it would be like this:

spouse A--hey, do you mind if I go to HH?

spouse B--sure, fine, should I wait for dinner for you?

Spouse a-yes, I'll be home by 7:30 or No, dont wait.

Spouse B--okay, text me before you leave

If, for some reason, 9 pm rolls around and spouse A hasn't come home? Spouse B--hey, are you okay? please let me know when you'l be home and take uber if you've been drinking.

Spouse b-sorry, leaving in 15 mins.

This isn't a good example of middle ground and in your example, you are more like OP than you think.

there's a middle ground. in my family it would be like this:

spouse A--hey, do you mind if I go to HH?

spouse B--sure, fine, should I wait for dinner for you?

Spouse a-yes, I'll be home by 7:30 or No, dont wait.

Spouse B--okay, text me before you leave

If, for some reason, 9 pm rolls around and spouse A hasn't come home? Spouse B--hey, are you okay? please let me know when you'l be home and take uber if you've been drinking.

Spouse b-sorry, leaving in 15 mins.

NP here. I think the bottom line is consideration and communication from both OP and DH. My take if we don't have kid and this isn't a situation where HH is every night at the expense of us spending time together, I would ask "should I hold dinner until X time"? Picking a time when I won't be ready to gnaw off my arm with hunger. I would expect him to say no if he knows for certain he will stay later or wants the freedom to stay longer, knowing he will need to figure out his own dinner if he doesn't. It is strictly for planning purposes, not that I will be upset either way. For time home, again, I might ask, what time do you think you will be home. More so that I know when to think there is a problem or possibly if it's worth waiting up. I think both things are a consideration thing when you are living with someone and eat meals together . If someone doesn't offer the info (which they may not think to do) don't be afraid to ask.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why you are waiting.

for dinner. I guess I'll go ahead and make it.

Wow....just wow. Next time instead of waiting for 4 hours use your words.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a co worker who has a really nutty girlfriend who complained about the exact same thing you are right now--literally she was like "I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE CEREAL" at 9PM (he told us all about the fight). We all think she's an insane, controlling psycho. Do you want to be that girl?

She may be psycho and insane but unless he is dating an under 18 year old, than she is a woman. Would you ever call the man in the reverse situation a boy? I don't think so!

It's THEN. You should take some lessons in grammar so that your future diatribes are properly written.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a co worker who has a really nutty girlfriend who complained about the exact same thing you are right now--literally she was like "I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE CEREAL" at 9PM (he told us all about the fight). We all think she's an insane, controlling psycho. Do you want to be that girl?

She may be psycho and insane but unless he is dating an under 18 year old, than she is a woman. Would you ever call the man in the reverse situation a boy? I don't think so!

Oh, get a life. It's a phrase. I hope you're not this nitpicky in real life. Go back to knitting your little punk hats and participating in goofy marches that no one cares about.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the "now I'm getting divorced" PP's point is that if a person demonstrates a lack of consideration repeatedly - which may or may not be the case for the OP - wasting a ton of time expecting them to change into a considerate person is dumb. Change yourself. Figure out what you can love with. Plan accordingly.

But her point is rendered moot by the fact that she "would be pissed" by the behavior to start with, and finds that it isn't considerate. Most of us in happy marriages would not be "pissed", don't need our husbands to check in every 30 minutes and don't passive aggressively hold dinner until late at night to guilt trip them when they do come home. She is definitely contributing to her own problems and people who are looking for every little thing to find offense are not helping their marriages succeed. I am not perfect but I do TRY not to sabotage my own marriage by acting like a bitch. Hopefully this is a blip, which happens to everyone sometimes after a stressful week. If it is a pattern, OP should think about whether she wants to change it to something more positive.

I am that PP and I said I would be pissed in the beginning. In other words, the OP's feelings are valid. I am not offended by the fact that you implied the problems in my marriage was that I was a bitch. I love being referred to as a bitch and I will own it when that is the role I am taking on. This situation was not one of those times.

I didn't need my husband to check in every 30 min. OP also didn't say that she needed that either.

I actually encouraged OP to come up with other alternatives to feeling upset with DH and echoed other PP's recommendations.

I also thought it important to note that I am divorced, so take my advice with that grain of salt. Whatever you want your future to be.

OP. the sad reality of my marriage is that my empathy allowed my XH to take advantage of me. Does he give you the same consideration you give him? Or any consideration at all?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I saw the HH in the title and thought DH decided to go to Hilton Head at 5 on a Friday. I could get annoyed with that.

Going to happy hour and not coming home at 7pm? Order take out, open a bottle of wine. Life is too short to get upset about something so small.

I thought the same thing!!

Hand raised as well!