Anonymous
05/10/2017 14:47
Subject: How do you all share mothers day?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm really not a brat, I swear. But I've been feeling like the little red hen this past year. I have hosted them after the birth, the baptism, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and now mothers day! No one helped me after I had the baby (other than DH). Is there some day that I get celebrated?!
My idea of mother's day is vastly different than theirs. We were going to go camping or do a picnic. My mom is going to want a fancy brunch downtown (which are probably booked already). And then MIL will be jealous we spent baby's first mother's day with my mom...
Your birthday?
Anonymous
05/10/2017 14:19
Subject: Re:How do you all share mothers day?
I am a 60 year old mother of 3. I have a DIL and SIL. I also have a mother who is alive. As mothers Day approaches I don't even think of myself. It's the young mothers who are in the throws of raising kids who deserve all the attention. I just can't imagine a grandmother looking for attention. At our age, the joy is in giving. It's organic.
Anonymous
05/10/2017 14:13
Subject: How do you all share mothers day?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think the flowers and firm "I am staying put" is warranted this year, with a new baby.
I am re-posting, however, with some changes, something I wrote in another thread.
Maybe it won't work for everybody, but this is what works for us.
We celebrate our roles as parents and spouses on our anniversary.
We each get a day off for parenting every five or six weeks or so. This way, we ALWAYS feel valued and rested.
While our parents are still alive, we celebrate them on Mother's and Father's day. ( Generally because their mothers are dead)
Our child is old enough now to do Mother's Day and Father's Day stuff for us on his own, which is great. But until he was able to facilitate that, we just let the day go for ourselves.
When our own parents die, we will probably take back the days for us.
This might not happen until you're in your 60s. And by that time your kids will have babies and want to celebrate it with their babies. Why not just celebrate mothers day with your kids when they're young and then later on celebrate it with your parents again until they die?
Because that is what works for us. As I said, it might not work for everybody.
But we use our birthdays, anniversaries, and built-in rest days to celebrate each other throughout the year instead of just on this one day. So that works for us.
And keeps us from feeling resentful about taking care of our parents during these 2 days a year and from feeling neglected ourselves the rest of the year. Take the pressure off of the day and everything just becomes easier.
ymmv
It's just one perspective and one way of approaching the issue. It's not going to work for everybody as I said
Anonymous
05/10/2017 13:11
Subject: Re:How do you all share mothers day?
I told my mother I'm not going to see her for Mother's Day. I'll see her the following weekend. MIL is deceased. I'm going for a long bike ride in the morning and I'll have breakfast waiting for me when I get back made by my sugar plums- hard boiled eggs and toast. If I'm lucky my dh will take the kids out for a few hours so that I can take an afternoon nap. If not, or when they return, if they don't fuss or fight, it'll be the perfect Mother's Day.
Anonymous
05/10/2017 12:40
Subject: How do you all share mothers day?
If we wanted to travel we would and I would call my mom and DH would call his and it would be NBD.
The way it generally works is that my kids make some kind of gifts for me, often facilitated by DH and I get them in bed first thing. Then my mom comes over for brunch, she brings the pastries I make the food and coffee.
We all call DH's mom later.
Everyone is remembered, happy and loved.
Bot my MIL and my mom have birthdays within 2 weeks of Mother's Day every year, sometimes we celebrate everything together.
Occasionally DH uses it as a reason to get me an unexpected big gift. Those are sweet surprises but I don't expect that every year.
If the day went by wholly unrecognized I would be upset, but the bar is set at thoughtfulness, not extreme recognition.
The way it generally works is that my kids make some kind of gifts for me, often facilitated by DH and I get them in bed first thing. Then my mom comes over for brunch, she brings the pastries I make the food and coffee.
We all call DH's mom later.
Everyone is remembered, happy and loved.
Bot my MIL and my mom have birthdays within 2 weeks of Mother's Day every year, sometimes we celebrate everything together.
Occasionally DH uses it as a reason to get me an unexpected big gift. Those are sweet surprises but I don't expect that every year.
If the day went by wholly unrecognized I would be upset, but the bar is set at thoughtfulness, not extreme recognition.
Anonymous
05/10/2017 12:22
Subject: How do you all share mothers day?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm really not a brat, I swear. But I've been feeling like the little red hen this past year. I have hosted them after the birth, the baptism, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter and now mothers day! No one helped me after I had the baby (other than DH). Is there some day that I get celebrated?!
My idea of mother's day is vastly different than theirs. We were going to go camping or do a picnic. My mom is going to want a fancy brunch downtown (which are probably booked already). And then MIL will be jealous we spent baby's first mother's day with my mom...
You should get the day off - no hosting! Your mom and MIL can meet you for brunch if they would like to do that. The rest of the day should be spent how YOU like.
BAM....this is the best option. Take the lead here. No one gets left out and you get your deserved respect.
Anonymous
05/10/2017 11:29
Subject: How do you all share mothers day?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Why is it my responsibility to host all of them just because I have the baby that they want to see? Both MIL and my mom have living mothers. They also have other children that they could spend the day with. I just want one day celebrating me being a mother for the first time.
Then don't be a flippin' doormat. Use your words.
Anonymous
05/10/2017 11:21
Subject: How do you all share mothers day?
No one can "decide" they are coming to town and staying with you. If you allow it, that's on you.
Anonymous
05/10/2017 11:11
Subject: How do you all share mothers day?
this is why I go to a hotel by myself for mothers' day. Let everyone else do whatever they want.
Anonymous
05/10/2017 11:10
Subject: How do you all share mothers day?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Why is it my responsibility to host all of them just because I have the baby that they want to see? Both MIL and my mom have living mothers. They also have other children that they could spend the day with. I just want one day celebrating me being a mother for the first time.
It's not your responsibility. Do what you want to do. Just tell your mom that you'd like to celebrate that day with your own little family since it's your first and you will do something with her another weekend. Or, better yet, she can take her own mom out to the brunch. Let your DH and his MIL figure out their plans for another time.
Anonymous
05/10/2017 11:08
Subject: How do you all share mothers day?
What we do:
on actual mother's day I get to decide what we do - go out, stay in, big brunch with everyone, just me go do something quiet myself, etc.
and we celebrate our own moms (who have already completed the bulk of their "mothering") on another weekend - usually a brunch or dinner
on actual mother's day I get to decide what we do - go out, stay in, big brunch with everyone, just me go do something quiet myself, etc.
and we celebrate our own moms (who have already completed the bulk of their "mothering") on another weekend - usually a brunch or dinner