This is ridiculous. Mother's Day is about the younger moms. Older moms have been celebrated for 30-40 years and are no longer doing the hard labor of mothering. Being a mother to adult children is easy! Adult children take you to dinner, hand you sweet grandchildren to kiss and are still working. My mom and MIL are retired, travel often and never babysit.

Sue Hallmark.

Maybe it won't work for everybody, but this is what works for us.

We celebrate our roles as parents and spouses on our anniversary.

We each get a day off for parenting every five or six weeks or so.

While are parents are still alive, we celebrate them on Mother's and Father's day.

Our child is old enough now to do Mother's Day and Father's Day stuff for us on his own, which is great. But until he was able to facilitate that, we just let the day go for ourselves.

When our own parents die, we will probably take back the days for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get mother's of children with young children of their own who still think Mother's Day is all about them. Get over yourselves and let the NEW mom enjoy her Mother's Day. Chances are, nowadays, you may still be alive when your GRANDCHILDREN have children of their own.

I meant to add, when does the time come to celebrate the NEW mom? These moms of children wit their own children's, who demand being celebrating, are THEY celebrating their own mom? Or are they just entitled to be celebrated themselves?

It'seems possible their mothers are no longer around.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get mother's of children with young children of their own who still think Mother's Day is all about them. Get over yourselves and let the NEW mom enjoy her Mother's Day. Chances are, nowadays, you may still be alive when your GRANDCHILDREN have children of their own.

I meant to add, when does the time come to celebrate the NEW mom? These moms of children wit their own children's, who demand being celebrating, are THEY celebrating their own mom? Or are they just entitled to be celebrated themselves?

My mom and I planned our own day. We'll spend it together.

When I was 8.5 months pregnant dh cooked a big supper. And then left the mess for me to clean up.

18 years later he doesn't do much beyond a card and book. I'mean fine with that.

I don't get mother's of children with young children of their own who still think Mother's Day is all about them. Get over yourselves and let the NEW mom enjoy her Mother's Day. Chances are, nowadays, you may still be alive when your GRANDCHILDREN have children of their own.

God I hate Mother's Day. Take a perfectly good spring day and load it up with chores and resentments.

I just told my DD who just had a baby that I want her - and her DH to, from this year forward, to 'take' Mother's Day and Father's Day as their day. I say this as someone who has/HAD mother/MIL both in town (both died in recent years- both father and FIL still alive.) The first couple of years we would take time to see both mom's on Mother's Day after me getting a bit of pampering in AM (honestly when the kids were young lots of banging around downstairs, kids coming into my bed, getting taken out of my bed - then breakfast in bed 'shared' by said kids.) My part of the day was never exactly pampering - and I resented that the rest of the day was then stressful as we were splitting visit times with both families. After maybe 4/5 years of this I instituted the Mother's Day for or mom's the day before focus - or at my husband's choice - on his own with the kids. My selfish if you want to call it feeling was that I had the more stressful/in need of some pampering time of motherhood as I had the real demands of the 'job' at that point and I deserved that DAY of to myself!! I felt mitigated in taking our Mom's out of the actual day of partly because we both have several siblings and some of these on each side have no children so no 'primary' mothers/fathers to recognize (so I knew each got some attention each day. I don't judge you OP - I am usually a 'go ahead and take care of others' kind of person

He's used to the squeaky wheel getting the oil, because he's used to his mom being a complainer.

Because you're so easy going, he didn't think you have to "oil" you too.

Be a squeaky wheel (but eexplain it to him in a nice way).

Men can sometimes be dumb (so can women) & they certainly aren't mind readers. Just tell him exactly what you wrote here... he'll get the picture.

Btw, Happy Mothers Day!

Anonymous wrote:His mom made a fuss. he knows mother's day is important to her.

You don't really celebrate holidays. Maybe you have said things that have made him think celebrating Mother's day isn't important to you.

You need to tell him actually this holiday is important and you want him to plan something for you.

It really is this simple.

Mother's Day is literally the only holiday I care about. Not my birthday, not my anniversary. I had four children in less than five years with a husband who desperately wanted a big family. This changed me and us forever.

I buy every mother's day card for all the grandparents and great-grandparents/ DH's mom is dead, but he has even asked me to get cards for an "adopted" mom.

My husband is terrible at remembering anything. After he forgot, again, after our last baby was born. I finally spelled it out for him that forgetting this one holiday was really hurting my feelings. He did better last year. We'll see next week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The usual thinking around here is that if you have expectations of your partner, you've got to spell them out. That's ESPECIALLY true if your current expectations are out of character for you. (Like, how would your husband possibly anticipate that you want brunch if you've never wanted brunch before?)

Wanting to feel appreciated can be different than wanting brunch in your honor, though. Maybe you can go back and say to him, "I've realized that I don't need or want brunch, but I do need to feel appreciated. Can we have a date night at the casino on Saturday?" (There's an ad on my sidebar for the Maryland Live Casino. I have no idea how you would want to be appreciated.)

No, no. I absolutely don't want brunch! I don't want anything. I'm just sad he didn't plan a day for me with the kids, but instead, planned another day with his mom again. I would have been happy with a day sleeping in and not having to make lunches and occupying kids or breaking up little fights lol know what I mean.

Like I said, it's my first mom's day with him home! And I didn't know I even wanted anything until just today!

Why can't he focus on his own mother on Mother's Day and focus on you on your birthday and anniversary? You sound so needy and tiresome.

Why can't the husband focus on his mom's Birthday and let his wife have a special day this eat? The MIL sounds so needy and tiresome.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The usual thinking around here is that if you have expectations of your partner, you've got to spell them out. That's ESPECIALLY true if your current expectations are out of character for you. (Like, how would your husband possibly anticipate that you want brunch if you've never wanted brunch before?)

Wanting to feel appreciated can be different than wanting brunch in your honor, though. Maybe you can go back and say to him, "I've realized that I don't need or want brunch, but I do need to feel appreciated. Can we have a date night at the casino on Saturday?" (There's an ad on my sidebar for the Maryland Live Casino. I have no idea how you would want to be appreciated.)

No, no. I absolutely don't want brunch! I don't want anything. I'm just sad he didn't plan a day for me with the kids, but instead, planned another day with his mom again. I would have been happy with a day sleeping in and not having to make lunches and occupying kids or breaking up little fights lol know what I mean.

Like I said, it's my first mom's day with him home! And I didn't know I even wanted anything until just today!

Why can't he focus on his own mother on Mother's Day and focus on you on your birthday and anniversary? You sound so needy and tiresome.

She never had a true "Mother's Day" with a husband home to fascillitate things before last year, and she graciously let her MIL take control of that day after she made a fuss. The MIL had had many Mother's Day's before that, but instead of letting her DIL have a first big Mother's Day, she wanted herself celebrated. Now she's doing it again. She couldn't have said, "I'm good this year, take your wife out!" Wow. Now I see where the husband gets it from. I can see why the wife would be a little salty, too. This mom is deep in the trenches (with minimal help, I'd assume, with a husband working a lot). The MIL isn't cleaning up puke and potty training and wiping butts and noses. But by y all means, spoil her instead of the mother of your children!