Anonymous wrote:It's definitely the weight. Men also joke that women don't get thinner than when you get married. So if she's 50lbs overweight, she's likely to gain a lot more once married.

That's an excellent point. Yikes!

DH here: weight is a major, deal-breaker caliber issue for most men, but there is some nuance. A few extra pounds means very little to most men; being obese (which 50 pounds overweight sounds like to me) is for many a flat disqualifier.

It's definitely the weight. Men also joke that women don't get thinner than when you get married. So if she's 50lbs overweight, she's likely to gain a lot more once married.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not spend some time and effort to eat better and work out more? These are things she can change.

+1 Why do women dig their heels in on this issue?

I have a friend a lot like yours, OP. And she almost defiantly eats her face off because she thinks she deserves to be loved for who she is inside. I admit I don't have the guts to tell her point blank she is flushing her own romantic future down the toilet because toxic pride.

+2. It's only for a season. Once she gets the guy she can put the weight back on.

Anonymous wrote:Why not spend some time and effort to eat better and work out more? These are things she can change.

+1 Why do women dig their heels in on this issue?

I have a friend a lot like yours, OP. And she almost defiantly eats her face off because she thinks she deserves to be loved for who she is inside. I admit I don't have the guts to tell her point blank she is flushing her own romantic future down the toilet because toxic pride.

Why not spend some time and effort to eat better and work out more? These are things she can change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

I highly advise that you remain single. Trust me, if you start out fit/in-shape, it best for everybody if you just remain that way
But if you find staying in-shape to be hard, and are planning to "let yourself go" later, it would be best if you did that *before* getting attached.
Signed, married guy whose wife gained 40 pounds, now exploring my options[i].

What options are you considering? Affair?

^^ runner, not dinner. Thanks, autocorrect. Right thread for this.

What bothers me about these comments is the immature assumption that 1. overweight people cannot be attractive, 2. the dismissal of POC who do find such people attractive (which is also inherently racist, btw), 3. the assumption that overweight people are these lost slobs who don't give men erections.

These comments also make it sound like the men making these assumptions are these great catches, who are good in bed, kind, gorgeous, and so worthy of a woman that matches them. Here's the thing. A man who is comfortable in his own manhood and who is good in bed, can be attracted to and can please any woman he finds attractive and we don't just find one size attractive.

If you're with a woman who's gained weight and it's not medical, look at her, are you depressing the shit out of her? Are you a 3 minute sex guy? Are you withholding of affection and a judgmental d!ck? Guess what, you can go cheat like one of the pps threatened, but I guarantee you, these patterns repeat and you'll make any woman miserable. The fault lies within you. Does this absolve people who don't put an effort to into their appearance from it? NO, BUT, if someone is healthy (or unhealthy) and their comfortable body state is a size 14, that's their right. Just like if someone prefers being a size 00, that's their right. Many thin women I know are gym rats, which is not healthy, or on stimulants, also not healthy. Going out for a night of binge drinking, no food, and adderal in the morning doesn't make you in charge of your life. Yet so many people seem to ignore that for the possibility of screwing someone, and use that argument to say they won't be with someone overweight because they are not in charge of their life and they are unhealthy. Um, please.

I'm so tired of these posts, most likely written by men who are not fit and not competent and mostly not good in bed. I'm sorry. But no successful hot dude is on DCUM on a weight thread. He's out banging these hot women he judges so, or running, or reading or something. I personally am on DCUM as an escape mechanism. So take all these responses with a grain of salt. They're probably all written by one angry bitter poster who rather look outside of themselves than inside and realize the problem lies within.

BUT, yes, many people are superficial, first attraction is physical. BUT, it's not just about weight. It's about looks, air, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Then why the fuq bother be with anyone who only values you by your looks? I don't get it. I much rather be single for the rest of my life than live a life knowing if I put on weight, my husband or bf would be so embarrassed and not wanna be with me, or as suggested in the other threads cheat on me.

I highly advise that you remain single. Trust me, if you start out fit/in-shape, it best for everybody if you just remain that way
But if you find staying in-shape to be hard, and are planning to "let yourself go" later, it would be best if you did that *before* getting attached.
Signed, married guy whose wife gained 40 pounds, now exploring my options.

How's your hairline, bruh?

Apples and oranges.
Hairline is 100% outside his control
Weight is 100% within her control.

No, both go to attraction.you think you can tell your body that you are not attracted to someone because of a physical feature but it is not their choice goes to show you that white men feel entitled to judge women based on their weight and make assumptions that women are fat or overweight based off being lazy. She could be a dinner and eats clean 80 of the time and her body is an asshole or she has thyroid or PCOS issues. But omg, she is a slob! Fk off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DC sucks for dating period, it's not about weight. I know plenty of dream women who've been single for 8 years now. It's kinda insane.

Is that still the case? I know it was back when I was single in the 90s. Sometimes I think I settled because of it

DC is a VERY hard dating market.

I'm a single guy who relocated to DC for work.

The women in DC are unreasonably picky. They call it having "standards" and being "uncompromising."
Dates often felt like interviews where questions are coded methods of figuring out my current and potential earning power and my social status. Everything was being judged during the dates (my choice of location, activity, day of week, time, etc.) if things were not chosen just right there was ghosting and sometime the snide remark. Their attitude often gave the impression that I, as a person, was a secondary consideration in their evaluation. After 2 years of dating locally I gave up and did the online thing and found a great woman to date that doesn't live in DC.

Me: STEMs Undergrad & Masters, MBA, Speaks two languages, 5'11'' 180lbs reasonably good looking... in DC I'm deficient.

Anonymous wrote:^^^ me again.

I should add that my experience (just guy friends I've known, friends of my husband), the geeky guy type usually thinks he deserves some kind of model, extremely physically gorgeous woman. I don't know what it is, but even if he's extremely unattractive, there's something about the geeky guy (especially the ones in IT) that he thinks because he's smart, he deserves a model.

Your friend might have better luck with men who are actually more conventionally attractive and socially confidant. Those men are usually the ones who are secure enough that they don't need to prove anything. They are confidant enough that they don't need a trophy girlfriend.

It's possible your friend is self-conscious about her weight and avoids men she thinks are too attractive to her. But as I said, in my experience, it's usually the sort of unattractive, geeky guys who seem to be more superficial when it comes to dating.

Too much porn has given them unrealistic expectations.

Anonymous wrote:My sense from talking to my single male friends is that weight is very important to them. Like, deal-breaker important. These are my male friends who consider themselves super progressive, equal-rights-for-everyone types. Go figure.

How terrible that a progressive man wants to date a woman he's attracted to.

Anonymous wrote:To men: very very much.
To women: not so much

Not true. Fat men turn me off. And I think they turn most women off.

Anonymous wrote:^^^ me again.

I should add that my experience (just guy friends I've known, friends of my husband), the geeky guy type usually thinks he deserves some kind of model, extremely physically gorgeous woman. I don't know what it is, but even if he's extremely unattractive, there's something about the geeky guy (especially the ones in IT) that he thinks because he's smart, he deserves a model.

Your friend might have better luck with men who are actually more conventionally attractive and socially confidant. Those men are usually the ones who are secure enough that they don't need to prove anything. They are confidant enough that they don't need a trophy girlfriend.

It's possible your friend is self-conscious about her weight and avoids men she thinks are too attractive to her. But as I said, in my experience, it's usually the sort of unattractive, geeky guys who seem to be more superficial when it comes to dating.

OMG this is so true. It is laughable. And they really don't connect to the women they date in any real way. They are obsessed with being validated by a model type. They remain single for the most part.

Anonymous wrote:This is such a white-people problem. Tell your friend to broaden her pool to include black and Latino men. They are more accepting (and sometimes even prefer) thick women.

This times a million. A trillion. Or a down white brother who knows that good p*ssy comes in all shapes and sizes.