Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Him working ALL.The.TIME.
Sex- I want it and he's content with twice a week.
Mostly sex. I get really angry and feel rejected. Who turns down bjs??!!

Life is cruel. I make an excellent living, work 35 - 40 hours per week, have never turned down a BJ, and have a wife who doesn't care a thing about having sex (at least with me).

No one in their right mind ... Come here, I promise I won't turn it down

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how you don't fight. I mean, not huge yelling matches, but normal fighting.

Do you see every single thing in your life the exact same way? Or do you just back down whenever there is conflict b/c you hate conflict?

My husband dislikes conflict. But the reason we rarely fight is what another poster mentioned. We have been together over 20 years. A fight - as in me expressing displeasure with some aspect of our life together and him responding - accomplishes exactly nothing except hard feelings. I've come to largely accept that I can't force him to give importance to certain things I think are important.

For instance, he's a financial idiot. He knows it and he feels bad about it and we work together to minimize the ways in which he can screw up. Yet he managed through carelessness to cost us over $3,000 in 2016. I expressed irritation but didn't read him the riot act. What's the point? He already feels stupid and that feeling does not translate into any changes. That's just one example.

Anonymous wrote:DH and I both grew up in dysfunctional families and sometimes those issues come out in disagreements. Generally we talk through them either later in the day or the next day after we've had to time cool off---I can get pretty heated quickly. There was a weekend where we didn't have much food in the house and DH said he was going to go to the grocery store and didn't get around to it two days in a row---I was more upset than the situation warranted because I grew up with food insecurity and not having some staples in the cabinets freaks me out.

It freaks you out, but not enough to actually go to the grocery store yourself?

OK. how do you all FIGHT about sex?

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - rejects it
Interaction over

or

Spouse 1 - makes a move
Spouse 2 - engages
Sex ensues

I guess if scenario 1 happens too often somebody might get upset ... but how does that go down?

Sex. And sex. And once in a while parenting stuff. And sex

Anonymous wrote:For us it is parenting differences. OP-- do you have children?

+1 also culture things, advice on job interviews, if he should work at home in our 1 bedroom apartment while I stay at home with the baby and stare at the back of his head all day, which lights to keep on at night, who should drive the car, the temperature the thermostat/ AC , if I should breastfeed, who should feed the baby and a million other things. Now go to bed and be thankful you don't have to deal with this

completely stupid stuff, most of the time. Its more about tone and the absence of affection--when we snap, and are not demonstrating love and affection, stupid stuff becomes fighting. Like, he'll get super pissy if he's cooking and I suggest a tweak or turn down the pan if he's momentarily away from the kitchen. I think he gives the kids too much sugar and not enough independence. He gets upset if I dont notice that he got his hair cut or dont call him/text him right away. I get pissy when he asks for my opinion on something and then proceeds to demolish it. So, really, these are small things individually, on the aggregate they can tip the balance one way or another in how we're interacting, which then tips the balance in terms of how much sex/affection is happening to offset.
We have had a few 'larger' issues over the years, but fights on big stuff happen rarely.

We fight about money. One thing we agree on: we don't have enough money to afford a divorce! (<$100k HHI)

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how you don't fight. I mean, not huge yelling matches, but normal fighting.

Do you see every single thing in your life the exact same way? Or do you just back down whenever there is conflict b/c you hate conflict?

We don't see life the exact same way but we both know that there are only a few things that are REALLY important. Our children, our health and our relationship. All the other stuff, while important, isn't worth fighting over. We may disagree, but we won't fight.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand how you don't fight. I mean, not huge yelling matches, but normal fighting.

Do you see every single thing in your life the exact same way? Or do you just back down whenever there is conflict b/c you hate conflict?

We disagree. But we don't fight. I do back down when there is conflict. He does, too, sometimes. It definitely makes me uncomfortable.


How do I make sure my children know how to respectfully fight when we don't model it?

What is 'normal fighting?' That is exactly why I'm asking, because I don't think we do that any longer.

We fight about how to divide up our free time among our parents/inlaws. And also about discretionary spending. We make good money and save a ton - but DH wants to save everything. Our house is 30 years old with original bathrooms for example - does he want them remodeled? Of course not! Grrrr. I'm getting riled up just thinking about it.

Anonymous wrote:BS that in the grand scheme of things is so far down the priority list it doesn't deserve a sentence, let alone an argument

Sex is so far down the priority list? I could not disagree more. It is how a couple stays physically and emotionally connected. Without it, fissures start and will grow

Anonymous wrote:Him working ALL.The.TIME.
Sex- I want it and he's content with twice a week.
Mostly sex. I get really angry and feel rejected. Who turns down bjs??!!

Life is cruel. I make an excellent living, work 35 - 40 hours per week, have never turned down a BJ, and have a wife who doesn't care a thing about having sex (at least with me).

Anonymous wrote:His anger issues
His alcoholic family
Different parenting styles

Why not your poor choices?

Our fights usually erupt after DH starts raging with his anger issues. If he does it home, I usually get angry but try to reason with him so he will cut it out. If he does it in public, I get embarrassed and nervous and then angry. We clash and the dialog is usually about his behavior and anger. We are like two tigers. One tiger gets super over aggressive and jerky and the other tiger jumps up and takes him down. The rest of the time we are cool.