Anonymous
02/27/2017 17:21
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:Are you practicing Christian OP?
Is your boyfriend willling to share your cultural, non religious holidays with your kids (Santa, Christmas tree, Rudolph, etc)?
1. Yes, I am practicing.
2. Yes, I am not being asked to convert or give up my religion. We will still observe Christian holidays with my family, but the children will be jewish and will have bat mizvahs.
I think that I can say yes to this now, but I was wondering what it like from women that have done this.
Anonymous
02/27/2017 17:11
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?
OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?
Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.
If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.
I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.
Would you be willing to convert?
No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.
I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?
Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?
What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?
Super-important questions.
Great questions to address if I say yes I am will to raise them Jewish. This something think I can say yes to right now but was wondering if others that were in my position had any regret later on.
Your response is a word salad so I'm not sure I'm understanding you, but re: the bolded - these are questions to address *before* you say yes to raising them as Jewish. It is not a simple endeavor for a Christian mother to raise Jewish children. You need to know exactly what the expectations are *before* you make that commitment.
RE your position, I am Christian and my DH is Jewish. I could not have agreed to raise my children as Jewish. YMMV
Anonymous
02/27/2017 17:00
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?
OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?
Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.
If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.
I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.
Would you be willing to convert?
No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.
I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?
Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?
What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?
Super-important questions.
Great questions to address if I say yes I am will to raise them Jewish. This something think I can say yes to right now but was wondering if others that were in my position had any regret later on.
Anonymous
02/27/2017 16:59
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Are you practicing Christian OP?
Is your boyfriend willling to share your cultural, non religious holidays with your kids (Santa, Christmas tree, Rudolph, etc)?
Is your boyfriend willling to share your cultural, non religious holidays with your kids (Santa, Christmas tree, Rudolph, etc)?
Anonymous
02/27/2017 16:47
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?
OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?
Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.
If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.
I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.
Would you be willing to convert?
No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.
I would dig deeper - what does "have our future children raised Jewish" mean?
Who will do what is necessary for the children to be raised as Jewish?
What will your role, as the non-Jewish parent, be? What will it not be?
Super-important questions.
Anonymous
02/27/2017 16:40
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:I was a very active Episcopalian who married a Jewish man. We are raising the kids Jewish and I have no regrets so far (kids are 5 and 9 and both in Hebrew school).
A few observations that probably helped along the way:
- I grew up in a very Jewish area (suburban NYC). So I was exposed to Jews from an early age, and did the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit throughout middle school. And these friends also came to my Confirmation.
- I met my DH in college, who was active in a Conservative temple growing up, and we worked with the Chaplain there to work through some of these issues. We both agreed that it made sense for us to raise Jewish kids. We both shared the stories from the Old Testament in our religious upbringing. I was quite vocal I would not convert. Not an issue.
- We got married by a priest and a rabbi.
- We both attended area synagogues to figure out one that felt comfortable for both of us. We joined a Reform Congregation with many interfaith families. I have felt nothing but warmth from the members and community.
- I have been active in the Hebrew school parent-kid programs so that I can better understand what my kids are learning.
- We celebrate Jewish holidays in our house, but we do also put up a Christmas tree. We collect ornaments from our vacations and most have special meaning to our family. We do NOT celebrate Christmas or Easter at our house - we do that at my parent's house.
- I just started taking an Introduction to Judaism class to better understand everything.
- Finally, my Mom was/is very supportive of my choice. (My Dad is not active in any religion.)
I am an earlier poster. This is almost exactly my story except both of my kids are older and have already had their bat mitzvahs. I would add that I also really like my in-laws and they have NEVER said anything negative about me not being Jewish. Our decision to raise our children Jewish was entirely our own. Family on both sides never asked beforehand what we were going to do and have been tremendously supportive throughout the entire process.
Anonymous
02/27/2017 16:32
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?
OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?
Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.
If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.
I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.
Would you be willing to convert?
No I don't want to convert and I am not being asked to convert. I am just being asked if I would be willing to have our future children raised Jewish.
Anonymous
02/27/2017 11:15
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
The work in cultural Judaism usually falls to the mother. She is the one typically responsible for making holiday dinners, shabbat, cleaning the house for pesach, shopping for hanukkah.
The religious teachings tend to fall to the synagogue.
The dads that I know that are involved in the religious upbringing of their jewish children are well versed in torah, religious teachings, and the underlying meanings. They are heavily involved in the jewish community--they are the type of men that would not marry a non-jewish woman.
Much of raising a jewish child is about continuing on the traditions. It's hard to teach a child traditions that you did not grow up with. Yes, you can follow the rules but honestly, they often don't make any sense (and I'm jewish). There are just things that we do. I'm sure that I could go to the rabbi and learn the reasons behind our traditions but the specifics just aren't important to me and I follow the traditions "because it's what we do".
I have a few non jewish friends that are raising their kids jewish. The common denominator I've seen is that when their husbands met them they were already on the path to conversion---they weren't converting for their husband, it was something that they felt that they had to do for themselves. Once they were married, their MILs helped them to learn the traditions that their husbands had grown up with.
The religious teachings tend to fall to the synagogue.
The dads that I know that are involved in the religious upbringing of their jewish children are well versed in torah, religious teachings, and the underlying meanings. They are heavily involved in the jewish community--they are the type of men that would not marry a non-jewish woman.
Much of raising a jewish child is about continuing on the traditions. It's hard to teach a child traditions that you did not grow up with. Yes, you can follow the rules but honestly, they often don't make any sense (and I'm jewish). There are just things that we do. I'm sure that I could go to the rabbi and learn the reasons behind our traditions but the specifics just aren't important to me and I follow the traditions "because it's what we do".
I have a few non jewish friends that are raising their kids jewish. The common denominator I've seen is that when their husbands met them they were already on the path to conversion---they weren't converting for their husband, it was something that they felt that they had to do for themselves. Once they were married, their MILs helped them to learn the traditions that their husbands had grown up with.
Anonymous
02/27/2017 11:03
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?
OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?
Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.
If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.
I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.
Would you be willing to convert?
Anonymous
02/27/2017 11:00
Subject: Re:Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am one of the PP non religious posters who married a Jewish man. I agree that the religious upbringing often falls on the mom. We do religious school and Jewish holidays and that's it for the most part. That's ok with me, though as I'm not very religious. I theoretically would like to try to at least light candles for Shabbat but most of the time I forget.
What does their Jewish father do to raise them as Jewish?
Obviously I guess neither of us are very religious except that he wanted to raise his kids Jewish generally and I suppose it works out for us fine. He does the religious school / Jewish holidays with his family but he doesn't say anything to me like - why didn't you light Shabbat candles? I'll say whoops, I had wanted to light Shabbat candles and I forgot and he will say oh well, it's okay, we don't have to do it.
Anonymous
02/27/2017 10:19
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
I was a very active Episcopalian who married a Jewish man. We are raising the kids Jewish and I have no regrets so far (kids are 5 and 9 and both in Hebrew school).
A few observations that probably helped along the way:
- I grew up in a very Jewish area (suburban NYC). So I was exposed to Jews from an early age, and did the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit throughout middle school. And these friends also came to my Confirmation.
- I met my DH in college, who was active in a Conservative temple growing up, and we worked with the Chaplain there to work through some of these issues. We both agreed that it made sense for us to raise Jewish kids. We both shared the stories from the Old Testament in our religious upbringing. I was quite vocal I would not convert. Not an issue.
- We got married by a priest and a rabbi.
- We both attended area synagogues to figure out one that felt comfortable for both of us. We joined a Reform Congregation with many interfaith families. I have felt nothing but warmth from the members and community.
- I have been active in the Hebrew school parent-kid programs so that I can better understand what my kids are learning.
- We celebrate Jewish holidays in our house, but we do also put up a Christmas tree. We collect ornaments from our vacations and most have special meaning to our family. We do NOT celebrate Christmas or Easter at our house - we do that at my parent's house.
- I just started taking an Introduction to Judaism class to better understand everything.
- Finally, my Mom was/is very supportive of my choice. (My Dad is not active in any religion.)
A few observations that probably helped along the way:
- I grew up in a very Jewish area (suburban NYC). So I was exposed to Jews from an early age, and did the Bar/Bat Mitzvah circuit throughout middle school. And these friends also came to my Confirmation.
- I met my DH in college, who was active in a Conservative temple growing up, and we worked with the Chaplain there to work through some of these issues. We both agreed that it made sense for us to raise Jewish kids. We both shared the stories from the Old Testament in our religious upbringing. I was quite vocal I would not convert. Not an issue.
- We got married by a priest and a rabbi.
- We both attended area synagogues to figure out one that felt comfortable for both of us. We joined a Reform Congregation with many interfaith families. I have felt nothing but warmth from the members and community.
- I have been active in the Hebrew school parent-kid programs so that I can better understand what my kids are learning.
- We celebrate Jewish holidays in our house, but we do also put up a Christmas tree. We collect ornaments from our vacations and most have special meaning to our family. We do NOT celebrate Christmas or Easter at our house - we do that at my parent's house.
- I just started taking an Introduction to Judaism class to better understand everything.
- Finally, my Mom was/is very supportive of my choice. (My Dad is not active in any religion.)
Anonymous
02/27/2017 10:16
Subject: Re:Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:I am one of the PP non religious posters who married a Jewish man. I agree that the religious upbringing often falls on the mom. We do religious school and Jewish holidays and that's it for the most part. That's ok with me, though as I'm not very religious. I theoretically would like to try to at least light candles for Shabbat but most of the time I forget.
What does their Jewish father do to raise them as Jewish?
Anonymous
02/27/2017 10:03
Subject: Re:Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
I am one of the PP non religious posters who married a Jewish man. I agree that the religious upbringing often falls on the mom. We do religious school and Jewish holidays and that's it for the most part. That's ok with me, though as I'm not very religious. I theoretically would like to try to at least light candles for Shabbat but most of the time I forget.
Anonymous
02/27/2017 09:59
Subject: Re:Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Doesn't a child have to be born to a Jewish mother (converted will do) in order to be considered Jewish?
Yes
Not in most Reform or Reconstructionist congregations. For Orthodox and Conservatives, yes. However, as an alternative, you can convert the child after it is born. (And Orthodox may make you do this anyway even if the mother converted before the child was born or if there is any doubt as to her parentage -- for example if her mother was not Jewish but she was raised Jewish, because then they would not consider her Jewish.)
My understanding of the official Reform position is that one parent (either gender) must be Jewish, and the child must be raised/educated as a Jew, and not also raised in another religion. Then they are considered Jewish. I am sure some Reform rabbis are lenient on those points though. I do not know the official Reconstructionist position.
Also note, the conversion of a non-Jewish infant born to a Jewish father and non-Jewish mother, though encouraged by Conservative Judaism, is not without some halachic complexities, and it is my understanding that at least some Orthodox will not accept the conversion as valid (the issue is that the child did not voluntarily convert, so the will must be that of their Jewish parent, but the status of the father as parent when there is no halachic marriage is problematic)
The issue of conversion of someone of doubtful status is referred to, IIUC, as Giyur leChumra - a conversion for the sake of strictness. For example I know of people descended from hidden Jews who had such conversions.
Anonymous
02/27/2017 09:56
Subject: Any Christian moms raising jewish kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP here. I guess another way to ask is do you have regret when the child reaches bar mitzvah or are you 100% in on the decision? Did you ever doubt the decision at any point along the way? Do they ever question why you are taking them to classes and teaching something but you don't have the same beliefs? When they are younger, do they wonder if you are teaching them this faith and it is right for them, why you don't convert?
OP, are you the mom? Are you practicing?
Jewish or Christian, doesn't the faith of the children usually follow mom's faith? As a mother I would not want that separation between my faith and tradition and my children's faith training and traditions.
If you are asking these questions, it sounds as if you have connections to your faith and faith traditions and are not on board with raising your hypothetical children in another faith.
I am heading towards marriage and I really would like to hear what it is like for Christian moms that are raising jewish kids.
21:55 here. My kids are 19 and 17 now, fwiw.
In my view, Christian parents should not be expected to raise children in the Jewish faith, or vice-versa. The parent who wants the children to be raised in his/her faith should be responsible for that. It is not reasonable to expect a mother who is not Jewish to raise Jewish children. It just isn't.
If your Jewish fiance is not committed to doing the work (and it is work) required to raise Jewish children, then as a Christian, you should not be expected to do so yourself.
If you both value raising your children in an organized religion, then whoever is willing to take the lead and ensure that it is done day to day, week to week, year to year, should take charge, and raise the children in his or her religion. In my anecdotal experience, that person is usually the mother.
My .02.