Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- all of you have very good points and this is painful, but helpful to hear. I was preparing to have a child on my own when we met, so I guess we just feel into the assumption that I would cover all IVF costs. When I explicitly raised it, he said he didn't have enough money with his child support costs to pay for IVF but then if he can't cover IVF, I guess that really does beg the question of how he can financially contribute to raising child. Sorry, I know this isn't online therapy. I asked the question as I was initially interested to know if in any other couples, the cost of IVF fell on one partner, or if I'm in a really weird situation.

Hi OP - When I saw the subject of your post, I knew that there would be tons of comments saying that you definitely have issues if you are paying the IVF cost, you must share all expenses to truly be a team...and so on. My DH and I have separate checking accounts and do not split all costs. It works out for us and we are happy. I don't want my DH to pay for my brazilian waxes and I don't want to pay for his power tools. We have a complete happy marriage with this arrangement that we are both satisfied with and feel it's equitable for both. I (female) have paid for my IVF treatments, so you are not alone! We have separate insurances, so I just started paying for it, and have not asked him to chip in since we typically keep health costs separate. Although, I will say I am lucky to have good insurance coverage so have not needed to touch my retirements accounts. It does sounds like a difficult situation if he is strained financially due to child support. I know its tough, but only you can decide what is right for you and your relationship, not strangers from DCUM! Good luck!

+1

Well, My husband and I have separate accounts and i paid for my IVF as well.
We have been married for 14 yrs and I have been working for 10 yrs. I make a lot less money than my husband.
So far, my husband has always paid all the household expenses (mortgages , bills, insurance everything) and I was able to save up all my money.
This arrangement worked well for us. As I was able to buy a house in our native country by using saving and now using my saving to have a baby.Also I hope to keep saving in the future for my child's college funds as well.
I like our arrangement and dont feel anything is unfair in our case.
While we have our separate account, and he pays all household expenses. I save, but I in return use those savings to do things for the family.

I paid most of the 3 rounds of IVF at CCRM (Pricy)+ saving money for surrogate as I cannot carry a child.
Its not like my husband did not pay any in this process, he did pay the 34 travels, plane fare, hotels to Denver CCRM, all meds+local ultrasound and many other costs so far we did for 3 retrievals. But the bulk of the IVF cost was paid by me and now saving more so I can pay 70% of the surrogate agency fees. He will pay the rest 30%.

Each couple and their financial decisions/needs are unique. only you will know what is fair and best for you

I would not have a baby with him. He can barely afford his kids now and what happens when they go to college.

When we did IVF, I probably paid for most of the expenses because like PPs, I had more disposable income (he had alimony payments so we don't combine all our expenses). But if my husband picked up some meds or something, he'd pay for those so it wasn't like he refused to pay. We just treated it like any other expense -- sometimes he pays for dinner and sometimes I do. (We also both contribute to a joint account for mortgage and utilities and now daycare.)