Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 08:31     Subject: Re:DH mad I asked him not to
Anonymous wrote:Op here...Well I just went to talk to him. Asked him why it upset him so much and apologized for my tone being off (but not for the request itself) and was told that I am "never affectionate" and that he guesses this is just the way it is, "don't worry about it". All with no eye contact and flat affect. I said I didn't think that was true, got more of the same back. At that point I probably overstepped and said i couldn't believe he was acting this way. Now, he's left the house!

I really just can't believe this. This is structurally in line with how our fights usually go and usually I bend over backwards apologizing even if Ive done nothing wrong just to get back to an equilibrium. But this time I'm just so irritated w the immaturity I don't really know what to do


Marriage counseling is what you do. ( or solo counseling if he won't go.) That's not healthy conflict at all. You were allowed to have preferences and state them as well, without him acting like a petulant baby and you having to apologize a whole bunch for it.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 08:31     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
There's something else going on here.
TwistdMike
Post 02/13/2017 08:29     Subject: Re:DH mad I asked him not to
Wow! Some people are nucking futs.

And remember... crazy people never know they're crazy!
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 08:29     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
You are pregnant and have a 17 month old? You are all touched out. He's being a jerk.

But, if you want to stay happily married, suck it up. Seriously. Men are big babies and no he can't understand why a pregnant lady with a toddler would be so mean and take his boobies away from him WAAAAA
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 08:27     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
Anonymous wrote:I don't see what you did wrong, except marry him and have kids (more than one!) with him.


Enjoy your cats and once a month book clubs.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 08:27     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op most of the previous responses are exactly why so many women and men on dcum are unhappy with their marriages.

You yourself admitted your tone was not great when what he originally did (try to fondle you) was perhaps inappropriate but not done in a mean spirited way. You should try to apologize.


So the husband has no responsibility here to apologize? Is that what you're saying?


Nope, he doesn't.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 08:26     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
Anonymous wrote:I would be totally mad at him. Sounds like a rapist,


STFU, idiot.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 08:26     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
Looking forward to future threads in which aggrieved OP reports her DH cheated on her, and wonders why.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 08:20     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
I would be totally mad at him. Sounds like a rapist,
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 07:56     Subject: Re:DH mad I asked him not to
Anonymous wrote:MY TITTIES MY CHOICE

How'd he like it if you juggled his balls without asking ?

And guess what ? He'd never be allowed to touch my boobs ever again.


Are you kidding me? Whenever I juggle his balls without asking first he just laughs at me that I like to juggle his balls at all. He likes it. I wanna go do that now ...
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 07:51     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
Anonymous wrote:Apologize for your tone, but not for your words or feelings.


This. And make a point to nurture your relationship with HIM. Your true love and life partner. Don't sacrifice your marriage because you're tired because of the kid. Make an effort to touch him (when the time is right) and get physical. Do not use the kid as an excuse to shut him out completely and let your marriage shrivel and die like SO many others on this board.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 06:21     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
Apologize for your tone, but not for your words or feelings.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 06:16     Subject: Re:DH mad I asked him not to
Anonymous wrote:There are SO many things wrong with gender communications. OP, if you're smart and don't want a dead bedroom like most the people giving you advice , I suggest you approach this with an open mind. He's likely shutting you out because you're miles away from what he thinks the problem is. It engulfs him in grief to think he should have to spell out common courtesy to you.

Usually what upsets me most in these scenarios is that I'm an adult. I'm capable of making my own decisions. I love my spouse. Yet my spouse is talking to me like I don't care about her feelings and that I'm not capable of deciding when thinks are appropriate and taking her best interest in my decision making process also.

For example
DONT touch me !!! Like wtf. You invalidating me as a person when you make a demand like that , ignoring my desires. I don't need you snapping like that.
You should acknowledge him. "Hey honey, I love the effection. It just creeps me in front of our child.

If he left the house. He is super hurt and pissed that you don't trust his judgements. If you want a marriage and not a roommate , sincerely apologize to him and ignore the old hags here that have already ruined their marriages.



+100; agree with everything here; tried to make this point earlier in the thread and got shut down.

And this is in no way validating the husband's actions! Get past this one petty argument and then go to therapy for the much bigger issues clearly going on!
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 04:37     Subject: DH mad I asked him not to
Anonymous wrote:He doesn't think you love him. He feels like a wimp
for being needy. And he's taking these negative feelings out on you.


Yes, this exactly. I'd let him cool off. He has to learn how to manage his own emotions. For your part, don't apologize anymore than you already have for your tone (one apology was appropriate), and just try to be affectionate towards him and show him that you do love him, but only when he is not being a whiny baby. Don't reinforce that shit.
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2017 02:02     Subject: Re:DH mad I asked him not to
There are SO many things wrong with gender communications. OP, if you're smart and don't want a dead bedroom like most the people giving you advice , I suggest you approach this with an open mind. He's likely shutting you out because you're miles away from what he thinks the problem is. It engulfs him in grief to think he should have to spell out common courtesy to you.

Usually what upsets me most in these scenarios is that I'm an adult. I'm capable of making my own decisions. I love my spouse. Yet my spouse is talking to me like I don't care about her feelings and that I'm not capable of deciding when thinks are appropriate and taking her best interest in my decision making process also.

For example
DONT touch me !!! Like wtf. You invalidating me as a person when you make a demand like that , ignoring my desires. I don't need you snapping like that.
You should acknowledge him. "Hey honey, I love the effection. It just creeps me in front of our child.

If he left the house. He is super hurt and pissed that you don't trust his judgements. If you want a marriage and not a roommate , sincerely apologize to him and ignore the old hags here that have already ruined their marriages.