Anonymous
02/13/2017 15:44
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
Anonymous wrote:OP, I have somewhat similar dynamics with one set of neighbors who are devout Catholics - complete with yard signs and conversation supporting many things I disagree with.
They are lovely people, and the kind of neighbors who will keep an eye on your house when you're away, let your kids run through their yard, genuinely care about and support you if they know you are going through something, etc... And we fundamentally disagree on MANY things we all hold dear.
I have found ways a couple of times to put some discussion boundaries in place. For instance, in response to a genuine expression of religious conviction and caring - yet in a way I don't welcome, I have said things like "Thank you Jane. My views on that are pretty different, but I really appreciate the concern." Or "Well, we are not religious. Look at your beautiful rose bushes! Did you hear that the house up the street is going to be torn down?"
Etc...
Anyone paying attention, who wishes to be able to maintain a cordial relationship with neighbors, can give those conversational cues in a way that is gentle but clear, and can respect and work with them in return.
So try to think of ways to gently communicate to your neighbor that certain subjects may need to be off the table. You don't have to be explicit. If she picks up on the cues then you can both be cordial and as limited as necessary in your interactions.
If she doesn't pick up on the cues, or if you don't feel you can even stand to have generic conversations with her, then you can always be direct.
But honestly, I am trying to keep in mind that while I cannot rewrite history, or change the world, I can do my part to model bridge building and respectful interactions ESPECIALLY with the people with whom I most vehemently disagree (as long as they are also respectful of course.) So I am trying to consciously reach out to people who support Trump to have respectful discussions. It isn't easy - for either side - but I think the country needs more of that kind of discussion.
So maybe that's worth keeping in mind with your neighbor.
Good luck.
There is a huge difference between being Catholic and being a racist. I mean you can be both, but OP's issue is with her racist Trump Supporting neighbor. Totally different.
I am tired of people lecturing me on how we have to keep the communication lines open with Trump supporters. They're racist and have zero interest in reaching out to people with my ethnic background. Why is it my responsibility to reach out to them?
Anonymous
02/13/2017 11:31
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
OP, I have somewhat similar dynamics with one set of neighbors who are devout Catholics - complete with yard signs and conversation supporting many things I disagree with.
They are lovely people, and the kind of neighbors who will keep an eye on your house when you're away, let your kids run through their yard, genuinely care about and support you if they know you are going through something, etc... And we fundamentally disagree on MANY things we all hold dear.
I have found ways a couple of times to put some discussion boundaries in place. For instance, in response to a genuine expression of religious conviction and caring - yet in a way I don't welcome, I have said things like "Thank you Jane. My views on that are pretty different, but I really appreciate the concern." Or "Well, we are not religious. Look at your beautiful rose bushes! Did you hear that the house up the street is going to be torn down?"
Etc...
Anyone paying attention, who wishes to be able to maintain a cordial relationship with neighbors, can give those conversational cues in a way that is gentle but clear, and can respect and work with them in return.
So try to think of ways to gently communicate to your neighbor that certain subjects may need to be off the table. You don't have to be explicit. If she picks up on the cues then you can both be cordial and as limited as necessary in your interactions.
If she doesn't pick up on the cues, or if you don't feel you can even stand to have generic conversations with her, then you can always be direct.
But honestly, I am trying to keep in mind that while I cannot rewrite history, or change the world, I can do my part to model bridge building and respectful interactions ESPECIALLY with the people with whom I most vehemently disagree (as long as they are also respectful of course.) So I am trying to consciously reach out to people who support Trump to have respectful discussions. It isn't easy - for either side - but I think the country needs more of that kind of discussion.
So maybe that's worth keeping in mind with your neighbor.
Good luck.
They are lovely people, and the kind of neighbors who will keep an eye on your house when you're away, let your kids run through their yard, genuinely care about and support you if they know you are going through something, etc... And we fundamentally disagree on MANY things we all hold dear.
I have found ways a couple of times to put some discussion boundaries in place. For instance, in response to a genuine expression of religious conviction and caring - yet in a way I don't welcome, I have said things like "Thank you Jane. My views on that are pretty different, but I really appreciate the concern." Or "Well, we are not religious. Look at your beautiful rose bushes! Did you hear that the house up the street is going to be torn down?"
Etc...
Anyone paying attention, who wishes to be able to maintain a cordial relationship with neighbors, can give those conversational cues in a way that is gentle but clear, and can respect and work with them in return.
So try to think of ways to gently communicate to your neighbor that certain subjects may need to be off the table. You don't have to be explicit. If she picks up on the cues then you can both be cordial and as limited as necessary in your interactions.
If she doesn't pick up on the cues, or if you don't feel you can even stand to have generic conversations with her, then you can always be direct.
But honestly, I am trying to keep in mind that while I cannot rewrite history, or change the world, I can do my part to model bridge building and respectful interactions ESPECIALLY with the people with whom I most vehemently disagree (as long as they are also respectful of course.) So I am trying to consciously reach out to people who support Trump to have respectful discussions. It isn't easy - for either side - but I think the country needs more of that kind of discussion.
So maybe that's worth keeping in mind with your neighbor.
Good luck.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 09:32
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
Beautiful and perfectly put PP.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 09:31
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
Anonymous wrote:I think it's ok to punch nazis and cool to ignore racists. Don't let them think this behavior is normal.
OP here. Super tempted to put this pic in my window:
Anonymous
02/13/2017 09:29
Subject: Re:Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
I'm not here for it. And I am fairly open with people like your neighbor to steer clear of me.
I am from one of the countries that are part of the "ban" and I have made it clear to people that I don't care why they voted for Trump, I'm not cool with them anymore and will be steering clear. Because the response I've received when I tried the whole "let's talk and learn from each other approach" is a bunch of self-serving justifications as to why it was okay to vote for someone who has openly embraced racist, sexist, and xenophobic ideas. I am never going to convince someone that they are indeed, bad people. We all want to be the hero in our story, we all want to think we are good people with good values and we all want to pretend the ugliness hate of the past has nothing to do with the present.
Look at the people who sat quietly by (or even worse actively tortured and abused African-Americans) during the civil rights movement. Very very few people who were around during that time really had true regret. Rather, it was a huge rush to push everything under the rug and tell everyone (including African-Americans) it's time to move on, racism is over, blah blah.
I don't have time to pretend to be cordial. I'm not talking to you, if you try to talk to my children at the pool, at school, or pretty much anywhere, I will steer them away and make it clear to them about who you really are because they need to know in this country there are people who want to hurt them and take their rights away and think they are less than because of the country we are from and the religion it is associated with. I am going to give them the tools to live in a world with people who are hateful because it's real. Pretending otherwise is just going to leave them flatfooted and heartbroken when they inevitably run into the hate. I am going to teach them to be strong and to not back down, to not apologize and to not carry the burden of curing other people's hate. Because they are never going to convince you that you're wrong, so I am not going to waste my time or their time and energy trying. Plus, it's not our job to "teach" you about hate.
I am from one of the countries that are part of the "ban" and I have made it clear to people that I don't care why they voted for Trump, I'm not cool with them anymore and will be steering clear. Because the response I've received when I tried the whole "let's talk and learn from each other approach" is a bunch of self-serving justifications as to why it was okay to vote for someone who has openly embraced racist, sexist, and xenophobic ideas. I am never going to convince someone that they are indeed, bad people. We all want to be the hero in our story, we all want to think we are good people with good values and we all want to pretend the ugliness hate of the past has nothing to do with the present.
Look at the people who sat quietly by (or even worse actively tortured and abused African-Americans) during the civil rights movement. Very very few people who were around during that time really had true regret. Rather, it was a huge rush to push everything under the rug and tell everyone (including African-Americans) it's time to move on, racism is over, blah blah.
I don't have time to pretend to be cordial. I'm not talking to you, if you try to talk to my children at the pool, at school, or pretty much anywhere, I will steer them away and make it clear to them about who you really are because they need to know in this country there are people who want to hurt them and take their rights away and think they are less than because of the country we are from and the religion it is associated with. I am going to give them the tools to live in a world with people who are hateful because it's real. Pretending otherwise is just going to leave them flatfooted and heartbroken when they inevitably run into the hate. I am going to teach them to be strong and to not back down, to not apologize and to not carry the burden of curing other people's hate. Because they are never going to convince you that you're wrong, so I am not going to waste my time or their time and energy trying. Plus, it's not our job to "teach" you about hate.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 09:19
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
I think it's ok to punch nazis and cool to ignore racists. Don't let them think this behavior is normal.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 09:16
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
You don't have to be friendly with your neighbor, just polite and cordial.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 09:13
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am finding it hard to continue relationships with friends and family who voted for Trump. My spouse is a Latino immigrant who was brought here without papers as a child. That's all long-since straightened out, but every time I see these people I think, you secretly think my spouse is a murderer/rapist or that they should "go back." Even if they think Trump's position on Latino immigration were flawed, they are still willing to endorse a person who has those opinions. Further, none of them has ever told me they don't agree with that part of his platform or opinions. The silence is deafening. Hard to avoid the conclusion that they agree.
I don't think I will ever be able to look at them in the same way. All trust is gone. So, I steer clear now. It's sad.
As a non-Clinton supporting, conservative, first-generation American I assure you that I do not think the bolded. Those that feel this way are not shy in expressing it. It's a shame that a vast majority of liberals are of the impression that if you didn't support Hillary or Bernie then you are certainly a racist bigot. This is simply not the case and this closed-minded, I can't be friends with people who don't think Hillary is the second coming of christ nonsense is equally as repugnant.
Trump's racist comments about all the "illegals" -- how dangerous they were, outlandish facts about how many murders they commit, entirely unbiased in any evidence -- was a major (and one of the only) campaign positions of Trump. He cited this stuff at rallies all the time. Anyone who voted for him knew what they were voting for. You can't claim innocence on this position just because it's not something you personally prioritized when you voted. [/quote
At a bare minimum, these trump supporters are okay with a racist man having the responsibility of being president. That's bonkers and reason enough to avoid forever. It's not about being surrounded only by like minded people, it's about weeding the racists, bigots, xenophobes, and sexists from your life. I will never trust another republican again. They're toeing the line while agreeing this openly racist man is unstable at best.
Cut her off and don't apologize. And I agree you should get one of those yard signs. Imagine how she would treat me and my two little kids, Central American immigrants turned US Citizens? That's all the answer you need. I've never experienced so much racism in my life as in the past two years. Cut them out and don't look back. Soon enough they will pay.
You sound crazy and I feel sorry for you.
You sound like a racist swine and I feel sorry for you.
Yep...I'm a racist who happens to be married to a minority. Both of us think you are nuts!
You've posted before. You can be racist and married to a minority. You in particular. I feel so bad for your self-hating husband and your child. You make me sick.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 09:02
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am finding it hard to continue relationships with friends and family who voted for Trump. My spouse is a Latino immigrant who was brought here without papers as a child. That's all long-since straightened out, but every time I see these people I think, you secretly think my spouse is a murderer/rapist or that they should "go back." Even if they think Trump's position on Latino immigration were flawed, they are still willing to endorse a person who has those opinions. Further, none of them has ever told me they don't agree with that part of his platform or opinions. The silence is deafening. Hard to avoid the conclusion that they agree.
I don't think I will ever be able to look at them in the same way. All trust is gone. So, I steer clear now. It's sad.
As a non-Clinton supporting, conservative, first-generation American I assure you that I do not think the bolded. Those that feel this way are not shy in expressing it. It's a shame that a vast majority of liberals are of the impression that if you didn't support Hillary or Bernie then you are certainly a racist bigot. This is simply not the case and this closed-minded, I can't be friends with people who don't think Hillary is the second coming of christ nonsense is equally as repugnant.
Trump's racist comments about all the "illegals" -- how dangerous they were, outlandish facts about how many murders they commit, entirely unbiased in any evidence -- was a major (and one of the only) campaign positions of Trump. He cited this stuff at rallies all the time. Anyone who voted for him knew what they were voting for. You can't claim innocence on this position just because it's not something you personally prioritized when you voted. [/quote
At a bare minimum, these trump supporters are okay with a racist man having the responsibility of being president. That's bonkers and reason enough to avoid forever. It's not about being surrounded only by like minded people, it's about weeding the racists, bigots, xenophobes, and sexists from your life. I will never trust another republican again. They're toeing the line while agreeing this openly racist man is unstable at best.
Cut her off and don't apologize. And I agree you should get one of those yard signs. Imagine how she would treat me and my two little kids, Central American immigrants turned US Citizens? That's all the answer you need. I've never experienced so much racism in my life as in the past two years. Cut them out and don't look back. Soon enough they will pay.
You sound crazy and I feel sorry for you.
You sound like a racist swine and I feel sorry for you.
Yep...I'm a racist who happens to be married to a minority. Both of us think you are nuts!
Anonymous
02/13/2017 07:57
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
Just say hello and move on. If she tries to extend a hello into a conversation and you don't want to engage create an excuse in the house (I have cookies in the oven! Is that my phone? I need to iron...)
Anonymous
02/13/2017 07:54
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
I kind of see the election as more of a moral issue than a political one as said by PP's. Worst I have seen in regards to division in 35 years of voting.
Anyway, I would continue to ignore her when possible, be civil when you cannot. In regards to her wanting to chat, it will only take one sort of cold shoulder/cutting her off for her to get the message that you are no longer interested in interacting with her.
If you are like me, you will find it hard, seeing the hurt in her eyes when she gets the message, but it should only need to be done once.
Anyway, I would continue to ignore her when possible, be civil when you cannot. In regards to her wanting to chat, it will only take one sort of cold shoulder/cutting her off for her to get the message that you are no longer interested in interacting with her.
If you are like me, you will find it hard, seeing the hurt in her eyes when she gets the message, but it should only need to be done once.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 07:44
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Keep in mind that thinking Hillary did something worth being locked up over is NOT the same as being a Trump supporter. I disliked both of them and didn't vote for either one. You'd probably assume I'm a Trumper since I didn't vote for Clinton. Not true.
I also don't get what people think she did that was worth locking her up over but really, you need to separate anti-hillary from pro-trump. They're not the same.
She put balloons up in her window when he won. They were there for a week.
I'll be her friend!
Can all of you whackjobs go somewhere else!
^^Liberal Tolerance^^
Liberals like myself have tolerance for all kinds of people, but not for racist thought or actions. I'm not going to be ok with people like you discriminating against people like me based on my race.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 07:41
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am finding it hard to continue relationships with friends and family who voted for Trump. My spouse is a Latino immigrant who was brought here without papers as a child. That's all long-since straightened out, but every time I see these people I think, you secretly think my spouse is a murderer/rapist or that they should "go back." Even if they think Trump's position on Latino immigration were flawed, they are still willing to endorse a person who has those opinions. Further, none of them has ever told me they don't agree with that part of his platform or opinions. The silence is deafening. Hard to avoid the conclusion that they agree.
I don't think I will ever be able to look at them in the same way. All trust is gone. So, I steer clear now. It's sad.
As a non-Clinton supporting, conservative, first-generation American I assure you that I do not think the bolded. Those that feel this way are not shy in expressing it. It's a shame that a vast majority of liberals are of the impression that if you didn't support Hillary or Bernie then you are certainly a racist bigot. This is simply not the case and this closed-minded, I can't be friends with people who don't think Hillary is the second coming of christ nonsense is equally as repugnant.
Trump's racist comments about all the "illegals" -- how dangerous they were, outlandish facts about how many murders they commit, entirely unbiased in any evidence -- was a major (and one of the only) campaign positions of Trump. He cited this stuff at rallies all the time. Anyone who voted for him knew what they were voting for. You can't claim innocence on this position just because it's not something you personally prioritized when you voted. [/quote
At a bare minimum, these trump supporters are okay with a racist man having the responsibility of being president. That's bonkers and reason enough to avoid forever. It's not about being surrounded only by like minded people, it's about weeding the racists, bigots, xenophobes, and sexists from your life. I will never trust another republican again. They're toeing the line while agreeing this openly racist man is unstable at best.
Cut her off and don't apologize. And I agree you should get one of those yard signs. Imagine how she would treat me and my two little kids, Central American immigrants turned US Citizens? That's all the answer you need. I've never experienced so much racism in my life as in the past two years. Cut them out and don't look back. Soon enough they will pay.
You sound crazy and I feel sorry for you.
You sound like a racist swine and I feel sorry for you.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 07:13
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
It's a neighbor for gods sake. No one easier to ignore.
Anonymous
02/13/2017 06:30
Subject: Having a hard time being friendly to neighbor
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:NP here. I am finding it hard to continue relationships with friends and family who voted for Trump. My spouse is a Latino immigrant who was brought here without papers as a child. That's all long-since straightened out, but every time I see these people I think, you secretly think my spouse is a murderer/rapist or that they should "go back." Even if they think Trump's position on Latino immigration were flawed, they are still willing to endorse a person who has those opinions. Further, none of them has ever told me they don't agree with that part of his platform or opinions. The silence is deafening. Hard to avoid the conclusion that they agree.
I don't think I will ever be able to look at them in the same way. All trust is gone. So, I steer clear now. It's sad.
As a non-Clinton supporting, conservative, first-generation American I assure you that I do not think the bolded. Those that feel this way are not shy in expressing it. It's a shame that a vast majority of liberals are of the impression that if you didn't support Hillary or Bernie then you are certainly a racist bigot. This is simply not the case and this closed-minded, I can't be friends with people who don't think Hillary is the second coming of christ nonsense is equally as repugnant.
Trump's racist comments about all the "illegals" -- how dangerous they were, outlandish facts about how many murders they commit, entirely unbiased in any evidence -- was a major (and one of the only) campaign positions of Trump. He cited this stuff at rallies all the time. Anyone who voted for him knew what they were voting for. You can't claim innocence on this position just because it's not something you personally prioritized when you voted. [/quote
At a bare minimum, these trump supporters are okay with a racist man having the responsibility of being president. That's bonkers and reason enough to avoid forever. It's not about being surrounded only by like minded people, it's about weeding the racists, bigots, xenophobes, and sexists from your life. I will never trust another republican again. They're toeing the line while agreeing this openly racist man is unstable at best.
Cut her off and don't apologize. And I agree you should get one of those yard signs. Imagine how she would treat me and my two little kids, Central American immigrants turned US Citizens? That's all the answer you need. I've never experienced so much racism in my life as in the past two years. Cut them out and don't look back. Soon enough they will pay.
You sound crazy and I feel sorry for you.