Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 21:35     Subject: Decline the bday party invite?
What kind of activity does a 7 year old refuse to participate in because it makes him miserable? This just sounds like a nasty mom looking for an excuse to snub someone.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 21:25     Subject: Re:Decline the bday party invite?
I can't believe this thread has gone on for as long as it has.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 15:47     Subject: Decline the bday party invite?
Anonymous wrote:Accept the invitation and on the day, I'm assuming a weekend, your son is sick - and you let them know.

Unless of course, this is going to cause them to lose money. It only works if it doesn't unravel their plans.


Wow, terrifically bad advice
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 11:45     Subject: Re:Decline the bday party invite?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are all these activities that a 7 year old doesn't like? I'm not really getting that. Unless the party is do your math homework.


You'd be surprised. One of my DS's friends didn't come to his bday party because it was in the pool and the boy didn't know how to swim. The boy is 9 years old.

DD's friend didn't come to the mobile spa party because she "doesn't like anything touching her nails."


That's what I thought of. DS had a fear of water and didn't learn to swim until 8. He was embarrassed when he was invited to pools and couldn't go with friends. He didn't want it to be obvious he couldn't swim. That was his final motivation to learn to swim, not all of the lessons to try to learn for safety reasons.


I posted earlier about my DS with a fear of swimming. He didn't resolve his fear until 10. It was severe and very embarrassing for him. His first pool party after resolving it, they gave a swim test for the deep end. He could swim but not a full length required to pass. He sat on the edge of the pool and told everyone he didn't feel like getting in because all the action was in the deep end. He was so upset when I picked him up. As a result, he was motivated to practice last summer until he had the stamina to swim a length. I think everyone assumes most kids enjoy the pool and can swim and it's just not the case. I would never send a child to a pool party with a fear of the water or if they couldn't swim.


I totally agree! It was my 8 yo and I never sent him until he was older and wanted to attend. He wanted to hang out with friends so badly but was also so afraid before he was comfortable in the water.. People underestimate and minimize fear. OP - I wish we knew the party venue instead of all of us guessing.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 10:04     Subject: Re:Decline the bday party invite?
Anonymous wrote:Actually- given that she was asked in advance if her child was available that day- I don't think she can decline.

I'm unclear if it is an activity that you don't think your son will do well at, or if he told you he doesn't want to go.
I would suggest sending an email along the following lines to the other Mom.

Hi Larla-
I know I told you that Precious could come to Larlo's party on the 20th. I see that you are planning to take the boys caving. Precious is terrified of dark enclosed spaces, and struggles with claustrophobia. Would you like me to bring Precious for the non-caving part of it? Or would you prefer he not come? We are okay either way. I'm glad Larlo and Precious are friends, thanks for inviting him.


Yup, this is the perfect answer.
If it's something that he can handle, tell him to suck it up and have fun. If it's something he really can't handle, be honest with the mom and see if there's some way for him to particpate.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 09:49     Subject: Re:Decline the bday party invite?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are all these activities that a 7 year old doesn't like? I'm not really getting that. Unless the party is do your math homework.


You'd be surprised. One of my DS's friends didn't come to his bday party because it was in the pool and the boy didn't know how to swim. The boy is 9 years old.

DD's friend didn't come to the mobile spa party because she "doesn't like anything touching her nails."


That's what I thought of. DS had a fear of water and didn't learn to swim until 8. He was embarrassed when he was invited to pools and couldn't go with friends. He didn't want it to be obvious he couldn't swim. That was his final motivation to learn to swim, not all of the lessons to try to learn for safety reasons.


I posted earlier about my DS with a fear of swimming. He didn't resolve his fear until 10. It was severe and very embarrassing for him. His first pool party after resolving it, they gave a swim test for the deep end. He could swim but not a full length required to pass. He sat on the edge of the pool and told everyone he didn't feel like getting in because all the action was in the deep end. He was so upset when I picked him up. As a result, he was motivated to practice last summer until he had the stamina to swim a length. I think everyone assumes most kids enjoy the pool and can swim and it's just not the case. I would never send a child to a pool party with a fear of the water or if they couldn't swim.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 09:02     Subject: Decline the bday party invite?
Anonymous wrote:It's fine to decline. Definitely DO NOT accept with plan to cancel at last minute.


I vote for this.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 08:43     Subject: Decline the bday party invite?
We had a rock climbing party and a child came who was afraid of heights and could not participate. I felt terrible for him. He did not have a good time and was embarrassed to be hanging out not climbing. No reason to go in a case like that.
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 08:38     Subject: Decline the bday party invite?
DS was invited to an ice skating party & I wish I had declined - he didn't want to try even with one of those hold on things & was upset and embarrassed... I'd say it depends on the activity... if it's something where your child is really scared or can't do/feels really incompetent for some reason - and it was a small party with just a few friends and depending on the parents of the kid, would consider calling the parents & explaining that your kid is not able to do x activity but would love to do something another time. But honestly, I'd probably punt out with a 'family commitment' conflict or something
Anonymous
Post 01/11/2017 07:55     Subject: Re:Decline the bday party invite?
If it's a phobia or physical activity your kid can't manage, fine to decline. If it's just not something your kid really digs, and this is a close friend, I'm with the PP who said tell your kid to go. Kids in elementary can suck it up for a couple of hours and learn to be gracious. And if your kids is one of those who goes to a party and acts bratty and miserable and unhappy, do a better job of teaching manners and empathy. These are not toddlers, and it's not all about your kid.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2017 22:04     Subject: Decline the bday party invite?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Phobia or physical difficulty, decline. Something violent that the kid won't like like laser tag or dangerous like swimming when they don't know how, decline. For both of the above, explain why to the parent.

General whines about not liking Lego's or painting or whatever, suck it up and go be a good friend.


Please don't whine to the host that a laser tag is too "violent" for your child. You can say the dark or the lights bother them.


I probably would be tactful and just say scared of laser tag, but it's the violent aspect of it that I vividly remember freaking me out myself as a child. If my parents had forced me to go to one more of those parties, it would have been tough.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2017 21:54     Subject: Decline the bday party invite?
Anonymous wrote:It's fine to decline. Definitely DO NOT accept with plan to cancel at last minute.


this
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2017 21:09     Subject: Decline the bday party invite?
Anonymous wrote:Phobia or physical difficulty, decline. Something violent that the kid won't like like laser tag or dangerous like swimming when they don't know how, decline. For both of the above, explain why to the parent.

General whines about not liking Lego's or painting or whatever, suck it up and go be a good friend.


Please don't whine to the host that a laser tag is too "violent" for your child. You can say the dark or the lights bother them.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2017 20:46     Subject: Decline the bday party invite?
Phobia or physical difficulty, decline. Something violent that the kid won't like like laser tag or dangerous like swimming when they don't know how, decline. For both of the above, explain why to the parent.

General whines about not liking Lego's or painting or whatever, suck it up and go be a good friend.
Anonymous
Post 01/10/2017 20:31     Subject: Re:Decline the bday party invite?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What are all these activities that a 7 year old doesn't like? I'm not really getting that. Unless the party is do your math homework.


You'd be surprised. One of my DS's friends didn't come to his bday party because it was in the pool and the boy didn't know how to swim. The boy is 9 years old.

DD's friend didn't come to the mobile spa party because she "doesn't like anything touching her nails."


That's what I thought of. DS had a fear of water and didn't learn to swim until 8. He was embarrassed when he was invited to pools and couldn't go with friends. He didn't want it to be obvious he couldn't swim. That was his final motivation to learn to swim, not all of the lessons to try to learn for safety reasons.