Both my sister any I ended up with eating disorders during various times in our lives.

I was on my first "diet" at age 8. On weekends and in the summer, I had to complete some form of exercise before I was allowed to leave the house. Different food was purchased for different household members; much of it was off limits to me, etc. I could go on and on. All of this has completely and irrevocably impacted my relationship with food. I developed bulimia as a teenager, binge eating disorder in my late teens/early 20s and I eventually had gastric bypass, which has been a great tool to help my maintain my weight since then. I still deal with it every single day. I've tried to forgive and forget, knowing that she likely did what she thought was best for me, but I still have the occasional flare ups of resentment and anger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For example, put you on diets, made comments about good or bad foods, commented negatively on your body.... How did that affect your relationship with food?

My mother never made a single negative comment about my body, but she told me once (I was 14 and was eating like crazy) that it's not pretty to be fat and I will be if I continue to eat that much. She also told me that it's healthy to eat anything that I want but in moderation. I was also taught that everything sugary is a treat and not food. I was 125 lbs till 31, 135 lbs till age 38, and loved it.
I am 49, 5'8'' and 141 lbs. I gain weight, but very slowly, thanks to my mother. I am healthy, look good and don't have any eating disorders. I knew from very early childhood that my mom never gives bad advice and lives for me. She truly did. She and my granny were my best friends.

Ummm...

You are posting in the wrong thread.

Anonymous wrote:For example, put you on diets, made comments about good or bad foods, commented negatively on your body.... How did that affect your relationship with food?

My mother never made a single negative comment about my body, but she told me once (I was 14 and was eating like crazy) that it's not pretty to be fat and I will be if I continue to eat that much. She also told me that it's healthy to eat anything that I want but in moderation. I was also taught that everything sugary is a treat and not food. I was 125 lbs till 31, 135 lbs till age 38, and loved it.
I am 49, 5'8'' and 141 lbs. I gain weight, but very slowly, thanks to my mother. I am healthy, look good and don't have any eating disorders. I knew from very early childhood that my mom never gives bad advice and lives for me. She truly did. She and my granny were my best friends.

My mom was very controlling and image was important. Portion sizes were small. She also controlled my clothes right up until early 20s. She would say things like the less you wear the less you'll eat. Clothes were always skimpy. Tight singlet tops and short sport skirts. I would also go though phases of being on board and then I'd get resentful of always being hungry and also of having no freedom

My mom always dieted when we were younger as she gained weight after have the 3 of us and staying home. I think she was also depressed after my gma died but never dealt with that. Due to her dieting, we weren't allowed sugar. She had some nasty ass desserts at home. So when we became teenagers, 2 of us began eating unhealthy. Since we walked everywhere, we were super thin even with the bad eating habit. Then came college and I worked at the food place, with my bad eating habits and not as much walking (add in drinking) and weight packed on. Fast forward 25 years and I'm still packing on weight. It's been a struggle ever since. It's all bad decisions as I know what I should be doing. My sister and I talk about how the restriction makes us feel "entitled" to have dessert so we have dessert daily. She's skinny though like our dad's side. My mom has struggled on and off with her weight throughout her adulthood so I know why I struggle. My other sister was the picture of health and ate healthy but died in her 30s of cancer. This didn't help the attitude in my family as we sometimes say "f-that, it didn't matter for her". End of the day, I can't continue to blame my mom. I'm an adult and have the power to change but still struggle. I'm very aware with my kids and allow them dessert daily. Luckily they know when they are full and stop eating (11 and 8 yrs old). My DD is shaped like me so I predict weight struggles in her future (although she's not overweight now). My DS just got the borderline overweight status at his wellness visit. I'm adjusting his meals without saying anything. For him, I hope it's just puberty before the growth spurt

Help me!!! I'm trapped in my Mom's dungeon!!! She's STILL DOING IT!!!! Throw me a Twinkie through the iron bars!!!!

I went through some disordered eating phases during middle school that may have stunted my growth by an inch or two - hard to know for sure. Then went back to disordered eating after being rapped. More recently, was stress eating when work was horrible.

Food control become my copping mechanism, but my relationship with my mom is pretty good. I don't blame her. She was doing her best.

Anonymous wrote:My mom didn't thank god, but I can imagine those with moms that did restrict their food ended up being binge eaters.

This was my experience. I hated my mother so much (because of this and other issues) that I would eat to rebel. I've overcome these issues but I have a lot of resentment for how that effected my body for the rest of my life. It also effected my relationship with my mother. My mother is a moron so I don't doubt there could be smarter ways to go about it, but most mothers probably do this badly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not my mom, but my dad. Relentless and cruel. I ended up topping out at 380 lbs. lost 100 lbs through sheer will and have kept that off but obviously still overweight. Was proud of my efforts until a nurse in labor triage started berating me about "making healthier choices". Lady, you don't get to be my size just due to poor choices. But thanks for negating all my hard work during a vulnerable time.

hope you complained!

I wanted to, but I'm busy with a newborn and I know that I'm not a piece of garbage and people like that never change, no matter what. I know exactly what she thought I was--some dumb, uneducated, piece of white trash that needed to be lectured on "good choices". If she had bothered to read the screen in front of her with all my demographic info, she would see that I am a highly educated attorney and already have a child and have a primary care physician who handles my health care needs, not some rando nurse in the L&D ward.

Yes.

I was poked in the stomach and told to switch to Diet Cokes.
I modeled and was asked if I could lose 5 pounds in a week. SURE! That works. (Hair falls out).
I was pushed into pageants but resisted.

My rebellion was sports, because what my body could do mattered more that what size it was.
Then I was thin but not girly enough.

As an eating disorder recoverer (but are you ever really recovered) I think I was hard-wired for it, and comments other people say "landed" in me in a vulnerable place. I think if someone else heard the same thing, they would have reacted in a less extreme way.

I avoid diets and plans that body shame.


As an adult, I found finding other adults who love you and want you to be well helps more than blaming others for your psychological make up. They did/said what they did/said. Now it is time to nurture yourself.

Women shouldn't be fat

I became anorexic then bulimic then went to rehab twice. Gained 100 pounds then starved it off, gained 150 then starved it off then gained 75 and got diabetes. 15 years of therapy, and my mom still tells me I'm fat.

Binge-eating and a few bouts of anorexia/bing-starve bulimia. She is a child, and I am a grandchild, of Holocaust survivors, so we were already set up for some fucked-up attitudes toward food. It was always, "Eat everything on the table - but don't you dare be fat because we'll be ashamed and no man will want you."

Mine did. She came from a very slim family, so I stuck out like a sore thumb with my belly, wide hips and big butt. She would criticize me for every extra cookie I would eat and compare me to my cousins. I grew up thinking no one would like me because I was fat. Things changed when I went to college. I discovered the gym, got pretty hooked on that. Meanwhile, my "pretty and skinny" cousins ballooned way above 200 lbs each.