We help unless the host "forbids" us from helping.

Plan on no help. Do not invite them with any expectations of them lifting a finger. If they do help, great. If they don't, remember they're guests in your home and it's part of hosting.

I always offer to help twice and if the host refuses my help I pay attention. I can't stand it when people help me clean unless it's my closest friend. But I don't start cleaning until they leave, we sit and talk and the kitchen gets cleaned later. (I will put away food for leftovers)

Anonymous wrote:In my house you dirty it you clean it. The side stuff I'll do.

Fine rule with your children and spouse, but expecting guests to each pony up to the sink to wash their indicuial plate, salad bowl, bread plate, glass and silverware is just tacky. Ick

I hate having people help with with dishes at my house. i like to do the dishes my way. I'll probably let people take them into kitchen or dry, but I am particular so don't expect or want any help.

However, I always offer to help and like to help at other's house. To be honest, it's partly because I sometimes feel awkward (like when with boyfriend's family) and so doing a few dishes or helping clear gives me a minute to "reset" and take a break so i can come back to the conversation. I'm sober now, too, so the whole sit around and finish drinking thing is hard sometimes still, so helping with dishes is a way to escape the drinking for a few minutes. I can then rejoin and feel social again after a quick break doing some quick kitchen chores.

I am a WASP, we grew up learning to always offer to help. My mother would have us kids offer to do the dishes, etc. we consider it rude if you don't at least offer, especially if you are an overnight guest.

A dinner party with friends is different. In that case we may hire help.

I host Thanksgiving and my early 60s mom and aunts always insist on helping with the dishes. I really appreciate it since I bust my ass for over a week cooking for 20+ people.

Anonymous wrote:I always offer to help. Most people accept. For big family occasions (Christmas, Thanksgiving), there are often way too many chores for the host to do - ie, dinner and dishes for 30 people. But also, there is not that much room in the kitchen for everyone to really help. So, realistically, it usually ends up being everyone helps clear the table and 3-4 people do all the dishes and cleaning up while everyone else gets out of the way and minds the littles.

Same. DH and I don't host holidays since we're the only ones that don't live in our respective hometowns and also are in a small apartment. It's our way of contributing and since holidays are spent at either our parents' homes or at the homes of one of our siblings, they're always happy to put us to work.

Use paper plates!! Problem solved

DH here when I host a holiday event. I don't expect help. Folks offer and I will accept it.

likewise if I go over to someone else place and they start tiding up after dinner to make space for desert. I offer.

as I know how hard/tiring it can be to host a large event.

I always offer to help. Most people accept. For big family occasions (Christmas, Thanksgiving), there are often way too many chores for the host to do - ie, dinner and dishes for 30 people. But also, there is not that much room in the kitchen for everyone to really help. So, realistically, it usually ends up being everyone helps clear the table and 3-4 people do all the dishes and cleaning up while everyone else gets out of the way and minds the littles.

There's nothing rude about offering to help your hostess clean up. Insisting afte your hostess has declined or belittling your guests is rude.

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Anonymous wrote:As a visitor I really want to help with the dishes. Small way to show appreciation and be useful. No matter what culture, put me to work!

No. RUDE, RUDE, RUDE. You do not know my kitchen and are more of a pest than a help. Stay in Living Room and behave like a guest. I do not offer to help when I am a guest.

+1 to rude

I have had broken china and crystal thanks to helpers. If I need help I will ask for it, otherwise just relax.

Me, too. These people who relentlessly insist on helping clean need to learn some social grace.

That could go either way.

Nope. If you're doing something against the wishes of your host, it is most certainly you who is without social grace. However, I wouldn't expect one of these jackasses who makes a grandiose display of insisting to have the self-awareness to understand how rude they are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a visitor I really want to help with the dishes. Small way to show appreciation and be useful. No matter what culture, put me to work!

No. RUDE, RUDE, RUDE. You do not know my kitchen and are more of a pest than a help. Stay in Living Room and behave like a guest. I do not offer to help when I am a guest.

+1 to rude

I have had broken china and crystal thanks to helpers. If I need help I will ask for it, otherwise just relax.

Me, too. These people who relentlessly insist on helping clean need to learn some social grace.

That could go either way.

Usually you should wait to clean up afterwards, as cleaning while guests are still at your place, means it is time to leave. But, if it is a family gathering and very relaxed somebody might offer to pick up the dishes and bring them to the kitchen and while I don't let anybody wash anything, I accept such help.