Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I would say "Thanks. That's so sweet of you to apologize like that."

It if you are married.

Why would you want to say that? It was hurtful then and now he would like your blessing? It demeans yourself. No reply is best because he does not deserve one.

OP you have to do whats in your heart, but I do not get why everyone is so forgiving. He treated you like s**t when you were young and vulnerable. He probably has not really changed, but you have. I would just not respond and then unfriend him.

I would not be very inclined to reply, but I probably wouldn't have accepted the friend request in the first place, since it sounds like you haven't had contact with this person in a very long time, let alone an ongoing friendship or even acquaintanceship.

If I were to reply, it would certainly be short, but certainly polite.

My favorite in this is the guy who confessed he raped a woman 20 years ago, now very sorry. She turned his confession over to the police and now he is serving a prison sentence for rape. Not what happened here, but great 'apology" story.

Anonymous wrote:Send the thumbs up emoji

I was going to suggest not responding, but I actually like this better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"So kind of you to send this message. It has long been water under the bridge but I really appreciate it. Hope all is well."

+1

plus 2

Perfect.

OP, this may be a simple situation of where he realized, after the fact, that he did something that he wasn't proud of. I had a similar experience where I ran into one of my earliest girlfriends. We ended up sleeping together, which was wonderful. Unfortunately, her mother was on husband #2 or 3 out of what would become 4, if I remember correctly and I saw hints that he apple may not have fallen far from the tree. I ran for the hills. I actually chased her down, which was initially upsetting to her. I related that she always had a special place in my heart from our earliest days together (true) and that I felt bad that in retrospect, our last encounter was not what I would have wanted it to be. She responded that she was doing well, was married and appreciated the sentiment.

Interestingly, about a month later I got a call from her. Things weren't going so well in her marriage and she wanted to get together. I wished her well but indicated I was quite busy.

TL;DR He may have done this because he genuinely believes he made a mistake, outside of a 12 step program, etc.

Anonymous wrote:
Why wouldn't he leave her alone? You sound totally paranoid. Sounds like he regrets it or is making amends – whichever – and the gracious thing to do is accept and move on.

Why does it sound paranoid? This is someone who is not really a friend and someone the op does not need in her life. So what he needs forgiveness? Too bad and too late.

NP, no one said he needed forgiveness. She had accepted his friend request, he probably thought the right thing to do would be to acknowledge his poor behavior years ago instead of acting like it never happened. In my opinion it was a decent thing to do.
Jumping to conclusions that he's a 12-stepper or is sitting in a dark room flicking he light switch off and on, waiting for her to forgive him is paranoid and a little out there.

Anonymous wrote:I think I would say "Thanks. That's so sweet of you to apologize like that."

It if you are married.

Send the thumbs up emoji

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's making amends, that's good. You can say "Thanks, I appreciate the apology." And leave at that. No need for further pleasantries.

+1

+1 I agree it's probably a 12 step thing. You don't need to offer forgiveness, or say "it's water under the bridge" even if it is for you at this point. Be polite and then move on.

He is just a narc circling back to hoover you in for one more go around before he dumps you again. It is nothing personal, as he no doubt repeats this pattern with every single female he has ever known. Only a narc would do a complete unexplained discard like he did way back when. It was not just youthful immaturity. And those types of people don't "grow out of it." So I believe I would just not respond and decline to be his facebook buddy. Life without such people in it is a better life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"So kind of you to send this message. It has long been water under the bridge but I really appreciate it. Hope all is well."

+1

plus 2

Perfect.

I had someone who hurt my feeling try to friend me though FB. Not interested, in fact I blocked him just so he can't see my activity because we have friends in common.

I'd just ask why r u bringing it up a decade later?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"So kind of you to send this message. It has long been water under the bridge but I really appreciate it. Hope all is well."

+1

plus 2