Anonymous wrote:This was my Mom and Dad. It was clear nobody thought I was that smart and my grades were not good. I ended up with a really high SAT, went to a good college, graduated from a top law school with honors and got a job at a top firm. Even after all that I didn't really think I was smart because of the messages I got from my family. It is sad and very damaging. I think I did all that I did to try to prove something.

Anonymous wrote:Doctor here and I hope my kid is smart enough to become a plumber.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its really hard to get into med school in the US. I worked extremely hard in college to have the "whole package" because you really need to just to get an interview. Now, I'm in med school and its about 1000x harder than college. I imagine residency will be even more challenging. So, when I say that not everyone can do it, its not because people aren't smart enough, it just takes a lot of stamina.

Meh. Not really. I got into several. Decided I'd rather be a preschool teacher.

https://www.aamc.org/data/facts/applicantmatriculant/157998/factstablea24.html

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a DD who is more than smart to become a Dr. but will she put in the work? That is an issue. Everything comes so easy to her, and now when it is time to sit down and really study, for you have to study in high school and even if you are as smart as anything, unless you open the book.. Still has great grades, but that won't continue with taking so many AP and Honors classes, she has to really warm the chair, so to say. But, what is driving me crazy is FIL who is constantly telling her that she should be a PA and to stop thinking about being a medical Dr. First, it is none of his business, and second, why not aim higher and then, if it doesn't work out, there will be other options.

FIL is a smart man your daughter would be wise to go the PA route.

ALso, why can't a grandparent give advice on a career?

Because it is none of his business. As long as we can afford it it is my DD's decision and hers alone. If she wants to collect trash, that is up to her. And why would she be better off as a PA than as anything else she might wish to do? Or be a SAHM, or stay at home wife, of WOHM work at home? It is not about an occasional observation, it is about FIL calling non stop and trying to convince my kids that the only two professions worth anything are PA and accountant, yes accountant for a boy, PA for a girl. On and on, non stop, researching schools, telling them which ones to go to. How can you be ok with that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a DD who is more than smart to become a Dr. but will she put in the work? That is an issue. Everything comes so easy to her, and now when it is time to sit down and really study, for you have to study in high school and even if you are as smart as anything, unless you open the book.. Still has great grades, but that won't continue with taking so many AP and Honors classes, she has to really warm the chair, so to say. But, what is driving me crazy is FIL who is constantly telling her that she should be a PA and to stop thinking about being a medical Dr. First, it is none of his business, and second, why not aim higher and then, if it doesn't work out, there will be other options.

FIL is a smart man your daughter would be wise to go the PA route.

ALso, why can't a grandparent give advice on a career?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw- my contractor is one of the smartest people I know.

Based on what? You have deep conversations with the guy remodeling your kitchen?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Doctor here and I hope my kid is smart enough to become a plumber.

This made me spit out my drink!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its really hard to get into med school in the US. I worked extremely hard in college to have the "whole package" because you really need to just to get an interview. Now, I'm in med school and its about 1000x harder than college. I imagine residency will be even more challenging. So, when I say that not everyone can do it, its not because people aren't smart enough, it just takes a lot of stamina.

Meh. Not really. I got into several. Decided I'd rather be a preschool teacher.

Anonymous wrote:Its really hard to get into med school in the US. I worked extremely hard in college to have the "whole package" because you really need to just to get an interview. Now, I'm in med school and its about 1000x harder than college. I imagine residency will be even more challenging. So, when I say that not everyone can do it, its not because people aren't smart enough, it just takes a lot of stamina.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or any tough career where you need a lot of brain power and credentials*

I was surprised to hear a dear friend say her daughter "just doesn't have -it-." I took that to mean she thinks her daughter is sort of stupid. Her daughter is 14 (and seems pretty bright to me)! I can't imagine lowering the bar or expectations already. I think you over prepare kids so they can pursue whatever they want at college. It seems her daughter is going to be nudged away from many fields long before college. Sad.

I don't think this is mean. I think it is realistic. No one knows their child better than the parent. You may want your kid to be a brain surgeon and push them in that direction but you are just making them miserable and you very poor paying for an education that they can't get through and they will end up feeling stupid cause they can't. Everyone can't be a * (you name the profession). I have met to many people who have had family have huge expectations on them and they were just average people not nuclear engineering types. They end up miserable for most of their lives till they figure out that they don't have to live up to others peoples wants and needs. If they don't figure it out they just end up miserable for a life time. I commend this parent realizing her daughter isn't going to be winning the nobel prize in physics. Doesn't mean she is going to discourage or lower the bar, she just set the bar realistically

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Or any tough career where you need a lot of brain power and credentials*

I was surprised to hear a dear friend say her daughter "just doesn't have -it-." I took that to mean she thinks her daughter is sort of stupid. Her daughter is 14 (and seems pretty bright to me)! I can't imagine lowering the bar or expectations already. I think you over prepare kids so they can pursue whatever they want at college. It seems her daughter is going to be nudged away from many fields long before college. Sad.

Just sticking with your example of being a doctor, I would say the same about my child. It's not that I don't think my child isn't bright it's that I know that going to medical school really requires dedication, desire and lots of hard work and sustained effort. My child is smart enough and when he studies can get A's but I also know he is just as likely to not study and be ok with a B.