Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a failure. You entered into a legal (and perhaps spiritual) agreement to stay together till one of you dies. Short of abuse or infidelity, you are supposed to honor that commitment. So, yes you failed. It's not the end of the world. But it is a big deal. Broken promises are a really big deal.

If you think it won't affect your kids, you are kidding yourself. My son's wife's parents are divorcing after 30 years of marriage. She is beyond devastated.

Totally agree with this post.
And my dad divorced my stepmom when I was in my mid 30's. It totally affected me negatively. It changed how holidays and special occasions are celebrated for one. I also had to deal with their new relationships and complications. I'm not at all saying you shouldn't do it, but I'm confused about why you're surprised that people view it as a failure.

+1. I am an adult child of divorce and it's very complicated. It affects me and my children negatively and will continue to do so. Your children are soon to lose a lot of face time with their father. If you don't think that's a sad thing, well, I don't know what to say.

Here's the other side of the story. I'm an adult child of divorce too and I am not suffering because of it. Maybe it was because my parents split up when I was 5. Being raised by a single mother is normal to me. I am happy with my childhood and I don't feel like I lost out on anything b/c my parents no longer resided together. I saw them both and got what I needed even they weren't together.

PP here. It's not about my childhood. Having divorced parents is complicated now. Lots of travel. Finding two assisted living places. Less grandparent time for my kid. Stepparents, stepsiblings that I barely know, and having to work out care and financial arrangements with them. It's hard and complicated, and very time consuming. If you haven't experienced it yet, perhaps you will in the future, and good luck.

You sound very self-centered and lazy. We make things work in our lives, but it sounds like you would rather complain. You inconveniences are not as important as your parents' happiness. You were in your THIRTIES when your parents divorced. Grow up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a failure. You entered into a legal (and perhaps spiritual) agreement to stay together till one of you dies. Short of abuse or infidelity, you are supposed to honor that commitment. So, yes you failed. It's not the end of the world. But it is a big deal. Broken promises are a really big deal.

If you think it won't affect your kids, you are kidding yourself. My son's wife's parents are divorcing after 30 years of marriage. She is beyond devastated.

Totally agree with this post.
And my dad divorced my stepmom when I was in my mid 30's. It totally affected me negatively. It changed how holidays and special occasions are celebrated for one. I also had to deal with their new relationships and complications. I'm not at all saying you shouldn't do it, but I'm confused about why you're surprised that people view it as a failure.

+1. I am an adult child of divorce and it's very complicated. It affects me and my children negatively and will continue to do so. Your children are soon to lose a lot of face time with their father. If you don't think that's a sad thing, well, I don't know what to say.

Here's the other side of the story. I'm an adult child of divorce too and I am not suffering because of it. Maybe it was because my parents split up when I was 5. Being raised by a single mother is normal to me. I am happy with my childhood and I don't feel like I lost out on anything b/c my parents no longer resided together. I saw them both and got what I needed even they weren't together.

PP here. It's not about my childhood. Having divorced parents is complicated now. Lots of travel. Finding two assisted living places. Less grandparent time for my kid. Stepparents, stepsiblings that I barely know, and having to work out care and financial arrangements with them. It's hard and complicated, and very time consuming. If you haven't experienced it yet, perhaps you will in the future, and good luck.

Anonymous wrote:I don't know OP, but good for you for making the right choice for you and "going against the grain". I wish you nothing but peace and happiness in the future!

Anonymous wrote:I'm suprised at the tone of this thread. Every other thread is full of people advising divorce and talking about their miserable marriages and how they'll get out once the kids are grown. We all know a lot of divorced people. Yet here's this pocket of horrified 1950s judgment.

Anonymous wrote:I honestly find the whole "elder care is hard" argument a bit thin -- you really think people are supposed to stay married just do you don't have to drive to two different places?

OP, divorce is an admission that your marriage failed. There's no way around that. However, sometimes we fail simply because whatever we're trying to isn't meant to be. We learn from our failure.

I could try to do Simone Bile's floor routine and I would fail. Hopefully I would learn from that failure and move on to another activity, perhaps knitting, rather than continuing to try and eventually killing myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a failure. You entered into a legal (and perhaps spiritual) agreement to stay together till one of you dies. Short of abuse or infidelity, you are supposed to honor that commitment. So, yes you failed. It's not the end of the world. But it is a big deal. Broken promises are a really big deal.

If you think it won't affect your kids, you are kidding yourself. My son's wife's parents are divorcing after 30 years of marriage. She is beyond devastated.

Totally agree with this post.
And my dad divorced my stepmom when I was in my mid 30's. It totally affected me negatively. It changed how holidays and special occasions are celebrated for one. I also had to deal with their new relationships and complications. I'm not at all saying you shouldn't do it, but I'm confused about why you're surprised that people view it as a failure.

+1. I am an adult child of divorce and it's very complicated. It affects me and my children negatively and will continue to do so. Your children are soon to lose a lot of face time with their father. If you don't think that's a sad thing, well, I don't know what to say.

Here's the other side of the story. I'm an adult child of divorce too and I am not suffering because of it. Maybe it was because my parents split up when I was 5. Being raised by a single mother is normal to me. I am happy with my childhood and I don't feel like I lost out on anything b/c my parents no longer resided together. I saw them both and got what I needed even they weren't together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a failure. You entered into a legal (and perhaps spiritual) agreement to stay together till one of you dies. Short of abuse or infidelity, you are supposed to honor that commitment. So, yes you failed. It's not the end of the world. But it is a big deal. Broken promises are a really big deal.

If you think it won't affect your kids, you are kidding yourself. My son's wife's parents are divorcing after 30 years of marriage. She is beyond devastated.

Totally agree with this post.
And my dad divorced my stepmom when I was in my mid 30's. It totally affected me negatively. It changed how holidays and special occasions are celebrated for one. I also had to deal with their new relationships and complications. I'm not at all saying you shouldn't do it, but I'm confused about why you're surprised that people view it as a failure.

+1. I am an adult child of divorce and it's very complicated. It affects me and my children negatively and will continue to do so. Your children are soon to lose a lot of face time with their father. If you don't think that's a sad thing, well, I don't know what to say.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because realistically, you are looking at living and dying alone. Both of you will take a significant financial hit, and so will your children eventually. Not to say it's the end of the world, but it is a failure in a sense that your and DH's potential to spend your older years together will not be realized. It is sad, otherwise you wouldn't cry about it.

Good point here. I've been divorced from my ex for almost 10 years and I'm remarried and there are so many things that would have made staying together better for everyone that I just didn't get until very recently. The financial hit is a big one, but I could have mitigated that by holding off on decision making for 1 yr post divorce. The loss of contact with extended family, the loss of friends. The loss of your kids connectedness to a network and the kids having to have 2 separate lives, one with each parent. This is the case even if they are adults.

You say that your husband is adamant about living elsewhere. Even if you had 2 homes you may be better off staying together. You won't see this pov for a long time. There are more things, I'm not thinking of everything right now.

I really did not like my ex as a person. Even now I think that he is a self-centered jerk. But we had 2 kids and I can see if there was some way to hold our marriage together it would have probably benefitted all of us.

Anonymous wrote:The only failure in my marriage is the kids psychological issues. I was married for 22 years before my XW had her mid life crisis and left. This happen over 8 years ago and while she remarried I didn't due to a number of reasons. Our kids are great humans and on the surface fine, yet the younger ones have issues with her, but don't want to move again.

As my late mother is fond of saying "It takes two people to make a marriage work and two people to make a marriage fail".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they know what you are unwilling to acknowledge: divorce is really hard even with adult children. For them and for you.

They know you just signed away half of your grandparenting time.

What a weird question. My father is the only grandparent on my side (my mother is deceased) and he's never spent more than 10 or 15 hours a year with my kids. Do people really let a future lack of time with grandchildren prevent them from divorcing?