Anonymous wrote:This is OP- just want to thank everyone again for the advice, support and commiseration. This experience is something that a lot of girls go through, and as I found out, one we as parents have to experience from the sidelines. It's encouraging to hear how other people's daughters went through peer rejection/friend transition and came through it at a better place.

It does happen and painful to watch. My DD fell out with her BF and it was shocking to everyone except maybe DD and BF. Kids are tougher then we think and its hard not to take it personally when you feel they are being rejected. I know - it sucks. High School - ugh - no thanks. Our girls are strong and they do find their way/friends. It's hard to know the real reasons these movements in friend groups happen but Im just thankful my DD stuck to her true self with all the drama going around her.

This is OP- just want to thank everyone again for the advice, support and commiseration. This experience is something that a lot of girls go through, and as I found out, one we as parents have to experience from the sidelines. It's encouraging to hear how other people's daughters went through peer rejection/friend transition and came through it at a better place.

My DD had a really tough fall and winter during her freshman year, seemed to lose a couple of her best friends, not fit in, it was very emotional for her. She joined a sports team in the spring and made some new friends and became her happy self again. She is now a sophomore and it's been a great year so far- plenty of friends, activities on the weekends, etc. Like others said, encourage being involved in something and time usually helps. There will always be frenemies (I still run across them in my 40's...) she will learn how to deal (or not) with them.

OP, just wanted to chime in with some more hugs and support. I'm dealing with something similar with my 11 year old DD. In her case, it's been an issue of making the transition from ES to MS when she only had one good friend in elementary school and that friend has been absorbed by the popular girl clique in MS. It's a little different because my DD has social anxiety and ADHD inattentive type, so her social skills and maturity are behind the other girls. But similar to you, I can very much empathize with the whole "all the groups of friends are already locked-in issue." I feel for you and your DD. You sound like a wonderful mom. Everything I've read about how to deal with the challenges of ADHD say to create a soft landing at home, and it sounds like that's what you're doing. This painful period will end but the trust you're building with your DD as you support her during this time is so valuable. Hugs to you.
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Thanks again for the kind words and support. DD is at a small school which could mean this takes a while, given her rough start. She has to want it to work, though. She is sticking with it for now. If she does leave, the reason we'd share (if asked) would be for academic fit rather than social fit.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the interest. I wish I could say its going great, but its just...OK. She's joining other teams/activities outside of school. She talks to more kids but hasn't found her group. Her old friends are at least talking to her, but no reconciliation.

Planing to reapply to other schools for next year in case this was just a bad fit (which it appears to be).

Thanks to everyone who posted and provided ideas and encouragement- you were a godsend!

Hang in there OP. It's hard to hear but it's been a few months and will likely take longer. You said she talks to more kids and that's good. Switching to another school is no guarantee. If the environment is truly toxic though, it makes sense