I think the person at risk here is the OP's DIL, she helped her husband get his life together and they have an arrangement that works for them. Should the marriage not work out, she is going to be the one in a difficult position (although I am not predicting doom for the marriage).

OP should be thanking her lucky stars that her son found someone like her DIL.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here: Look I really am not trying to attack her. She has done so much for my son. He's no longer a pot head because of her, she found him his current job when he was unhappy with his last, she took care of everything involved in buying their current house. He is in a very good place because of her and they both seem very happy together. I just don't get why she doesn't work. I'm also not the pp complaining about no grand kids, I already have grand kids through my other son. I don't understand why they don't want kids, but I'm not playing the I will never have grand kids card. I just don't want my son to support someone for the rest of his life.

Holy crap you are an enormous hypocrite. Do you truly not see this?

Yea, you raised a pothead, op. It's not your place to have an opinion on how your son and his wife arrange their lives.

My SIL (DH's sister), with whom I am very close, married a man 10 years older and immediately stopped working when they got married because she didn't feel like working. They also declared they didn't want kids because my SIL doesn't want kids. We were scratching our heads, as she seemed perfectly motivated to work in her field of study at the time, and she's wonderful around babies and children, plus her husband loves children and has always said he couldn't wait to be a dad.

It's 13 years later, she's still not working and they still don't have kids. They appear very, very happy and a good fit for each other. We do worry because of the age gap that he could pass way before she does, leaving her a widow and not working, and they aren't the best with money, so I am not sure they have a retirement or estate plan for that scenario, leaving us potentially holding the bag. Whenever we have ever asked they have gotten very defensive, so we just basically MYOB. My advice is to support your son and DIL, as long as they are happy and healthy that's really all you can do without risking being shut out.

Anonymous wrote:Op here: Look I really am not trying to attack her. She has done so much for my son. He's no longer a pot head because of her, she found him his current job when he was unhappy with his last, she took care of everything involved in buying their current house. He is in a very good place because of her and they both seem very happy together. I just don't get why she doesn't work. I'm also not the pp complaining about no grand kids, I already have grand kids through my other son. I don't understand why they don't want kids, but I'm not playing the I will never have grand kids card. I just don't want my son to support someone for the rest of his life.

This would irk me too, OP. That said, I'm a DW and my DH recently quit his job because he's been miserable for years. I make enough for him to take 6 mos-1year off and figure out next steps. I'm sure my family is having similar thoughts as you. I am so thankful they are just butting out while my DH and I figure this out. Even crazier to my family is that our little kids will still bein daycare (but again they are staying out of it)! Honestly, it's been amazing having home and not have to deal with the domestic grind. He will go back to work though, he must!

Anonymous wrote:Op here: Look I really am not trying to attack her. She has done so much for my son. He's no longer a pot head because of her, she found him his current job when he was unhappy with his last, she took care of everything involved in buying their current house. He is in a very good place because of her and they both seem very happy together. I just don't get why she doesn't work. I'm also not the pp complaining about no grand kids, I already have grand kids through my other son. I don't understand why they don't want kids, but I'm not playing the I will never have grand kids card. I just don't want my son to support someone for the rest of his life.

Sounds like she has her hands full, as your son doesn't seem able to cope with life very well. Perhaps you should spend your time thinking about that, instead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why don't they plan to have kids that is weird and she doesn't work

Op here and I don't know why they don't want kids. I've tried to ask, but all I get is they have thought about it and decided it's not for them.

Of course they don't want kids. They sound like children themselves. Kids don't deserve them as parents.

Before anyone flips out I know some people choose not to have kids, and not all of them are spoiled adult babies.

Anonymous wrote:I don't work full-time, we have no kids, and a great marriage. Been married 15 years. So to those who are bitter and saying he will be on to a second marriage, likely not. And if you think not having kids is weird you're living in the Dark Ages. These are modern times, and couples get to choose.

Likely yes. He'll marry again.

True for you as well.

15 years is nothing .

You are replaceable.

Anonymous wrote:Your sons will have kids... With their second wife who works. Give it some time. This is a starter marriage.

Yup.
Hang on 3 to 5 more years.

Ok I read on a little and I say- as long as she takes good care of the former pothead I would not care.

I have only read the original post but I must say I have met a lady like that! In fact she had a friend to hang out with who shares the same lifestyle.
She openly says that she doesn't want to bother with kids and/or a job, the husband is happy to support her as she takes great care of her looks... Whatever! I wish I didn't have to work and parent but it's too late now! Maybe I should have been like her

Some men get a huge psychic lift by being the sole provider. Mine does. He likes me to just take care of him and the kids. I choose to work part-time, but he would definitely support me for the rest of my life. For DH (and maybe your son too?) this is what marriage means.

OP you can't get involved but if you are worried about their finances you could gently ask your son how his finanxial planning and retirement savings is going. It doesn't have to be about his wife. Newly straightened out and married, early thirties, it's a legitimate conversation. If they are setting money aside and he is financially secure, then you can breathe a sigh of relief.

I, too, think it's weird she doesn't work but I'm not married to her.

Anonymous wrote:She sounds lazy. Lots of people jumping on the op sound like lazy stay at home whatevers. We have a friend like this, I don't get it at all, he's even paying for her unused degree.

I'd be bummed if my kid didn't want children. Again, I think some lazy stay at home women are giving the op a hard time.

I would have said she was lazy except for the detail about her straightening out the sons life. That is work. She's practically a SAHM, except the child here is OPs manchild...

She sounds lazy. Lots of people jumping on the op sound like lazy stay at home whatevers. We have a friend like this, I don't get it at all, he's even paying for her unused degree.

I'd be bummed if my kid didn't want children. Again, I think some lazy stay at home women are giving the op a hard time.

Meh. I know plenty of former 27 year olds who said they never wanted kids. All have kids now. Give it time OP.