Anonymous wrote:The mystery has been solved surrounding all of the sexless marriages. I could possibly bring myself to sleep with these useless, lumps of flab and flesh.

Anonymous wrote:12:15 - the problem with threatening divorce is that then she'll be dealing with the same problem from two households. And I can tell you that he probably won't suddenly be more cooperative in that situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's being a dick. He can't parent this morning because he stayed up too late? WTF. This type of crap is why I divorced my man-child. AND you do all the evening stuff too???? If I am going to have to do 90% of the work then I don't need his lazy ass around. AND you do all the evening stuff too????

But, if you don't want to end up divorced like me, don't die on this hill. Change daycares. Get one that starts earlier, get one closer to your work, get the kids in the same daycare, whatever you have to do to have a reliable drop off/pick up time and protect your job.

I had a lot of experience with finding ways to cope with my ex's refusal to be a fully responsible, participating parent in our family so I am good at making plans like this that will enable me to do what has to be done without him having a role which creates an opportunity to F*uck it up.

But good luck to you navigating the next 15 or 20 years of parenthood with this guy.

OP here, I do all the evening stuff, because he has an hour commute and comes home 730-8pm. He does baths and books with at least one kid, which is great. However outside of the bedtime and taking them to school/daycare three days a week, he is tired, exhausted, neeeds to relax, requires downtime etc. After every major fight, he is good for a day or 2 and then a new cycle begins. I am absolutely ready for counseling, maybe i should get him some sort of life coach? or I don't know what, because he is clearly not functioning on the same schedule as millions of other adults and his family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:to all of the geniuses counseling divorce, what is this woman supposed to do when ExH has the kids during his 50% of the time and is too tired to take them to daycare, forgets to help with their homework, feeds them McDonalds all weekend, skips their sports practice because its too much of a pain for him, etc etc etc. To the OP, I would say that if you can afford it and deal with another teenager besides your husband, maybe just get an au pair so you have somebody in the house and can just walk out the door when you need to in the morning. I've done this for 11 years now and while not optimal, my husband is the father of my kids and he is not going to do drop offs or pick ups or any other child related necessity during the week. The au pair has kept me sane, at least.

Yep, this is sort of what I've come up with. It does stick in my craw that our money has to go to extra childcare, instead of say ... decent furniture, a better emergency savings account, deferred home maintainence ... but I figure my sanity and the stability of our relationship is worth it. And divorce would be more expensive.

For times when we don't have childcare, I pretty much just have to declare that I am leaving the house so DH has to step up. Yes, sometimes this means ridiculousness like skipping meals, crappy meals, and really late bedtimes. But again, the alternative does not work.

DH is slowly getting more responsible as DC gets older, which is nice.

Huge reason we stopped at 1 ...

Anonymous wrote:1. Sounds to me like the fairest arrangement is he does drop off and you do pick up.

2. Also sounds like he should seek medical advice on the sleep problem. Is he anemic?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No divorce is not an option, aside from all the crap that comes with it like financial and custody, I will have drop offs 5 days a week. This sleeping situation is a constant battle. I am worried that once the kids leave all he will be doing is sleeping and I will be sitting there waiting for him to wake up.

OP, what would happen if you told him, "DH, starting next week, I need you to do daycare drop off 5 days a week. I will leave for work early enough to get there on time, every day, and do pick up when I finish. The current situation is not sustainable for me, and it is not reasonable or fair to me that you as an adult with children expect to be able to stay up as late as you want and sleep in."

This is exactly what I say to him. I tell him that I will be fired, that no one is going to tolerate this, he promises to do better and then goes to bed at 3-4 am. I make 50% of our income, and have a better career potential than DH, so not working is not an option. Before kids his schedule was not an issue, but now its the main source of fights in our house. We had situations where I had a toddler and a newborn and I had a stomach flu, puking every 20 minutes, and he would not get up because he was tired. When I went into labor in the middle of the night, he was upset that he hadn't had a chance to sleep yet. It's bizarre!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No divorce is not an option, aside from all the crap that comes with it like financial and custody, I will have drop offs 5 days a week. This sleeping situation is a constant battle. I am worried that once the kids leave all he will be doing is sleeping and I will be sitting there waiting for him to wake up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I have the same schedule, every day, every week. We decided that he would do drop off (he has to leave the house earlier than I do) and I would do pick up (I finish work earlier than he does). Its the same every day, unless one of us has to work late, work early, travel for work, etc. That way, drop off/pick up become part of our daily routines. DH also tends to stay up later than he should watching TV, but daycare dropoff is always his duty, whether he is tired or not.

+1.
I wouldn't put up with that crap for 2 seconds, OP. How old is he, 12?

This is a continuous battle. I basically solo parent on the weekends because he is sleeping. I have tried asking, begging, yelling, enticing, ultimatums, you name it. Yes he is like a teenager, I live with a teenager, and consequently, I treat him as one. I don't know what to do, I am in a constant state of anger and resentment for having to drag him out of bed. UGH

Nobody knows what goes on in other people's marriages, but my SIL just got divorced for basically this reason as far as we can tell. I wonder if your husband is depressed? This period - two very small children - is the hardest, and I remember my sister threatening divorce many times during this period (it started to fade when the two kids both got on the bus in the AM to go to school). But for my SIL it kind of sounded like she was already single-parenting so jettisoning the adult teenager just made life less stressful.

Anonymous wrote:I think I would start leaving the house in the morning before he gets up. Sit at a coffee shop or go work out and get to work with time to spare.