Not a parent, but a child of parents who let me do my own thing as long as I kept my grades up. I didn't do any extracurriculars besides school choir, which only had concerts twice a year. And yes, I'm not super social or outgoing as an adult, but I don't know if that's due to the fact that I wasn't in any clubs, etc as a child or just because of my personality. What I can assure you of is that I wasn't miserable in high school, I still had friends, I graduated college, and am a functional, married adult who is happy with her life. Of course this is one example and I could be completely different than your child, but I wouldn't stress about this too much. I think the biggest downside of not being involved with extracurriculars is that I really hate physical activity and it's incredibly hard to make myself stay active lol

haven't read all posts - my husbands family will enroll the kid who refuses to do anything into cross country running. he did and became a great runner! But then he picked other activities. My son was like this around age 12 or so. But after making an ultimatum and trying out some things he finally has found a few things to do - magic club, tennis, and this year he said he might actually go back to lego robotic club. I think it might be a phase. Plus my kid actually had the nerve to tell me he would be in the band now but I didn't force him to play an instrument. I didn't feel like fighting that battle then... So you really can't win. Just make up something and tell them that is the defacto activity. I 'd pick something close to my house and cheap. That often gets the kid thinking a little bit more.

It is important for kids in elementary school to begin extra curricular activities to discover their interests. Activities should have a social component, skill component and/or a physical fitness component. If you don't establish this early you will have a bored and isolated teenager later. Not good.
As my college senior son said "in high school you have to have some kind of connection to the school and a role. It doesn't have to be a sport but it has to be something. Otherwise you are misetable, lost and lonely and you get stoned all the time because you feel like a loser."
Kind of a dramatic assessment but probably not far off.

Anonymous wrote:My wife is obsessed with our 10-y.o. daughter's swim "career". It's honestly taken over her/our lives.

It drives me insane. I'd rather have a debate or theater "nerd" than a kid obsessed with sports. Just my opinion.

+1000

My wife is obsessed with our 10-y.o. daughter's swim "career". It's honestly taken over her/our lives.

It drives me insane. I'd rather have a debate or theater "nerd" than a kid obsessed with sports. Just my opinion.

Anonymous wrote:OP, my kids are like yours.

For those saying they have to pick one thing... can you be more specific? Like is it good enough to pick a rec center class that meets once a week? Or taking once a week private instrument lessons?

What do you mean when you say "pick one thing."?

This is what I mean. It's simple.

Pick one arts thing: for example, a weekly music lesson or drama class. It can be individual or group.

And pick one physical thing: a sport (individual or team), a yoga or martial arts class, or regular running.

Do this every season or semester.

You could substitute a group activity like scouting, or an individual hobby that requires a class or lesson. For us it's an arts activity and a physical activity.

That's it.

Anonymous wrote:

mjsmith wrote:look on th bright side... you won't have to schlep her around to all the different practices and activities whihc usually occur furthest from your normal routine and always during rush hour or when there is an accident snarling traffic...

my DD took up band in elem and middle school then took up choir in HS and a nontravel soccer team.



she'll figure something out..

Not OP but I hadn't thought of this benefit. Both my kids play travel sports and my husband is often at lacrosse tournaments with one child and I'm at volleyball tournaments with the other child. And, the club fees are really expensive. I'm glad they like sports but it has its down side.

My DD turned 16 this january and is finally free and able to drive solo. so on the plus side, eventually they will be able to take themselves to practice provided there is a spare car. otherwise me or DW have to drive..

mjsmith wrote:look on th bright side... you won't have to schlep her around to all the different practices and activities whihc usually occur furthest from your normal routine and always during rush hour or when there is an accident snarling traffic...

my DD took up band in elem and middle school then took up choir in HS and a nontravel soccer team.



she'll figure something out..

Not OP but I hadn't thought of this benefit. Both my kids play travel sports and my husband is often at lacrosse tournaments with one child and I'm at volleyball tournaments with the other child. And, the club fees are really expensive. I'm glad they like sports but it has its down side.

look on th bright side... you won't have to schlep her around to all the different practices and activities whihc usually occur furthest from your normal routine and always during rush hour or when there is an accident snarling traffic...

my DD took up band in elem and middle school then took up choir in HS and a nontravel soccer team.



she'll figure something out..

OP we have a son that is a homebody. Not sporty but very good at school and likes gaming online with friends. He is entering HS and we are requiring one activity - he picked Debate Club. Our daughter does drama and chorus - she has always committed a lot of time out of school to these activities.

Our son has always been in the bottom 5% of weight for his age so it hasnt made sense to push him in sports. He is happy and does well in school. We are pushing him now to do at least one extra curricular (plus he has a summer job and loves to work for $$$).

In my house, bore = chores. I have plenty of tasks for my kids when they can't entertain themselves. They rarely say they're bored anymore.

Also, like others, we make our kids do 1 activity, usually 2. A sports or physical activity and a creative activity (art, music, nature camp, etc)

DO you think there could be some social anxiety or shyness going on?

Kid = kind

One of my kids is like yours. This has been an interesting thread. Mine is in late elem. school.

I disagree with a pp that kids like this end up boring adults with no lives. Some kids just like more solitary time then others, or time with one friend.

I think you who should encourage one on one play dates and also make her try different sports, but the kid where you just learn about the sport and it isn't a team so no pressure. Also have her try an instrument.

Anonymous wrote:

My point is more that she seems to hate everything. I've asked her what activity she might like to try and her answer is that they're all stupid and pointless. Not much to go on there. Argh, this age can be so frustrating sometimes!

Just don't indulge it. Ok, you hate all activities, that is fine, you still have to do one, so think about it and pick the one you hate the least.

Honestly, that is what I'd do. Pick whatever you hate the least.