Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are saying "we don't allow" this, just know that you aren't actually accomplishing anything. When I worked in corporate America and then the government, every single day, a different co-worker whose wife "didn't allow" him to have friends of the opposite sex took me out to lunch. Mind you, I wasn't looking to do anything with these co-workers, and these were just friendly lunches, but I could not for the life of me believe how many of them had wives who "didn't allow" friendly relationships with single people of the opposite sex. In a sense, it made these guys seek out those friendships even more, even though it never went anywhere past friendship. If you all trusted your spouses more and didn't restrict them, maybe they wouldn't actively seek out such friendships - not that I personally think there's anything wrong with single and married folks being friends.

These men were all very sweet, always respectful, kind, and I always told them they could do so much better than their controlling spouses, because they really could. Even when you are married, you do not own another person. You cannot police their lives and tell them they can't f'ing have friends. That's out of control. The sooner you learn this, the better off your marriages will be.

XO,

The Office Pretty Young Thing Befriending All Your Husbands

But wouldn't your time be better spent with eligible men? Why the constant luncheons with married men? M

Corporate America job, for whatever reason, my employer never hired single straight men. Ever. They actually actively avoided it. And in the government, it was an all female office, neighboring offices mainly had married men who I got to know at the gym and coffee shop, so we'd grab lunch. Evenings and weekends are always reserved for dates with eligible men.

For those who called me single forever, single by choice is also a very real thing. I exited the dating market when I left my government job to start a small biz and I'm only just now re-entering it. I wanted zero distractions so I could build and grow my biz, so I basically took a vow of celibacy. This December will be 3 years of no dating and no sex, but now that my company is where I want it to be, I'm opening the door to dating again. Not everyone's goal is marriage and kids.

You are very unique in your opinions and beliefs. Building a business does not mean you can't have sex or fall in love. Also get off your soapbox about your lunch dates with married men. It's just strange.

Anonymous wrote:Well listen OP, the amount of time that a person needs to put one on one into a new relationship to make it a close friendship is significant. If I knew that my husband was spending enough alone time with a new woman to create that kind of a bond I would be worried.

That said, a work friendship that slowly develops where my DH is transparent (ie, talks openly about the person but not obsessively) and where I am not excluded (ie, introduces me happily at events where I run into them and friends me on facebook) wouldn't bother me.

If that led to suddenly my DH going to saturday matinees with a woman alone without me? Well then I'd be a little concerned.

I mean basically you know it when you see it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are saying "we don't allow" this, just know that you aren't actually accomplishing anything. When I worked in corporate America and then the government, every single day, a different co-worker whose wife "didn't allow" him to have friends of the opposite sex took me out to lunch. Mind you, I wasn't looking to do anything with these co-workers, and these were just friendly lunches, but I could not for the life of me believe how many of them had wives who "didn't allow" friendly relationships with single people of the opposite sex. In a sense, it made these guys seek out those friendships even more, even though it never went anywhere past friendship. If you all trusted your spouses more and didn't restrict them, maybe they wouldn't actively seek out such friendships - not that I personally think there's anything wrong with single and married folks being friends.

These men were all very sweet, always respectful, kind, and I always told them they could do so much better than their controlling spouses, because they really could. Even when you are married, you do not own another person. You cannot police their lives and tell them they can't f'ing have friends. That's out of control. The sooner you learn this, the better off your marriages will be.

XO,

The Office Pretty Young Thing Befriending All Your Husbands

But wouldn't your time be better spent with eligible men? Why the constant luncheons with married men? M

Corporate America job, for whatever reason, my employer never hired single straight men. Ever. They actually actively avoided it. And in the government, it was an all female office, neighboring offices mainly had married men who I got to know at the gym and coffee shop, so we'd grab lunch. Evenings and weekends are always reserved for dates with eligible men.

For those who called me single forever, single by choice is also a very real thing. I exited the dating market when I left my government job to start a small biz and I'm only just now re-entering it. I wanted zero distractions so I could build and grow my biz, so I basically took a vow of celibacy. This December will be 3 years of no dating and no sex, but now that my company is where I want it to be, I'm opening the door to dating again. Not everyone's goal is marriage and kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are saying "we don't allow" this, just know that you aren't actually accomplishing anything. When I worked in corporate America and then the government, every single day, a different co-worker whose wife "didn't allow" him to have friends of the opposite sex took me out to lunch. Mind you, I wasn't looking to do anything with these co-workers, and these were just friendly lunches, but I could not for the life of me believe how many of them had wives who "didn't allow" friendly relationships with single people of the opposite sex. In a sense, it made these guys seek out those friendships even more, even though it never went anywhere past friendship. If you all trusted your spouses more and didn't restrict them, maybe they wouldn't actively seek out such friendships - not that I personally think there's anything wrong with single and married folks being friends.

These men were all very sweet, always respectful, kind, and I always told them they could do so much better than their controlling spouses, because they really could. Even when you are married, you do not own another person. You cannot police their lives and tell them they can't f'ing have friends. That's out of control. The sooner you learn this, the better off your marriages will be.

XO,

The Office Pretty Young Thing Befriending All Your Husbands

But wouldn't your time be better spent with eligible men? Why the constant luncheons with married men? M

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are saying "we don't allow" this, just know that you aren't actually accomplishing anything. When I worked in corporate America and then the government, every single day, a different co-worker whose wife "didn't allow" him to have friends of the opposite sex took me out to lunch. Mind you, I wasn't looking to do anything with these co-workers, and these were just friendly lunches, but I could not for the life of me believe how many of them had wives who "didn't allow" friendly relationships with single people of the opposite sex. In a sense, it made these guys seek out those friendships even more, even though it never went anywhere past friendship. If you all trusted your spouses more and didn't restrict them, maybe they wouldn't actively seek out such friendships - not that I personally think there's anything wrong with single and married folks being friends.

These men were all very sweet, always respectful, kind, and I always told them they could do so much better than their controlling spouses, because they really could. Even when you are married, you do not own another person. You cannot police their lives and tell them they can't f'ing have friends. That's out of control. The sooner you learn this, the better off your marriages will be.

XO,

The Office Pretty Young Thing Befriending All Your Husbands

But wouldn't your time be better spent with eligible men? Why the constant luncheons with married men? M

She probably does that in the evening. This is at lunch time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do the "allow" "not allowed" thing in my marriage.

Just found out my H has had 4 affairs in the past 13 years of our 20 year marriage. BTW, I make 1/2 the HHI, we have sex multiple times a week, we never fight, and I have a healthy BMI, we date 3 times a month without the kids, we vacation without kids.

So much for trust and "affair proofing" your marriage..

This was a flawed thinking on your part. Some woman have this invisible list to check off all these things to some how affair proof a marriage. I feel bad for people who think this way e.g. if I stay skinny he won't cheat, if have sex everyday he won't cheat, if i cook for him he won't cheat, if I never fight with him( btw this is bad for any relationship) he won't cheat, if I take vacations with him he won't cheat, if get pregnant he won't cheat, if I marry him he won't cheat etc. It doesn't work that way. You can't control another adult's behavior, he is going to cheat if he wants to even if you are a perfect A+ in everything. I think the best way to reduce the chance of this happening is to be selective and aspire for marriage of mutual respect. A man who thinks highly of you. A man who appreciates being with you and vice versa. You can tell you are truly worth it through his actions. You never have to second guess yourself about how he feels about you and vise versa. They are opportunities to cheat everywhere you can't control the world, a REAL MAN recognizes his options but CHOOSES not to be unfaithful because he absolutely loves and respects his wife.

Let's add.. I didn't check boxes I just love to do those things... I love my kids but am not child centered.

We love each other, we respected each other (he still respects me, I don't respect him), He greeted me with coffee every morning, he seeks out my opinion because he knows I am smart and level headed, I am fun and full of surprises, he brought me a present every week, I adored him, missed him when he was gone, couldn't wait to hear about his day (my day is much less interesting).... No clue he had an alter ego.

When we described out life, love and respect to our marriage counselor he basically said we did not need marriage counseling, my H just chooses to chest, period. That is it. Nothing we can do to work on the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't do the "allow" "not allowed" thing in my marriage.

Just found out my H has had 4 affairs in the past 13 years of our 20 year marriage. BTW, I make 1/2 the HHI, we have sex multiple times a week, we never fight, and I have a healthy BMI, we date 3 times a month without the kids, we vacation without kids.

So much for trust and "affair proofing" your marriage..

This was a flawed thinking on your part. Some woman have this invisible list to check off all these things to some how affair proof a marriage. I feel bad for people who think this way e.g. if I stay skinny he won't cheat, if have sex everyday he won't cheat, if i cook for him he won't cheat, if I never fight with him( btw this is bad for any relationship) he won't cheat, if I take vacations with him he won't cheat, if get pregnant he won't cheat, if I marry him he won't cheat etc. It doesn't work that way. You can't control another adult's behavior, he is going to cheat if he wants to even if you are a perfect A+ in everything. I think the best way to reduce the chance of this happening is to be selective and aspire for marriage of mutual respect. A man who thinks highly of you. A man who appreciates being with you and vice versa. You can tell you are truly worth it through his actions. You never have to second guess yourself about how he feels about you and vise versa. They are opportunities to cheat everywhere you can't control the world, a REAL MAN recognizes his options but CHOOSES not to be unfaithful because he absolutely loves and respects his wife.

Anonymous wrote:I don't do the "allow" "not allowed" thing in my marriage.

Just found out my H has had 4 affairs in the past 13 years of our 20 year marriage. BTW, I make 1/2 the HHI, we have sex multiple times a week, we never fight, and I have a healthy BMI, we date 3 times a month without the kids, we vacation without kids.

So much for trust and "affair proofing" your marriage..

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are saying "we don't allow" this, just know that you aren't actually accomplishing anything. When I worked in corporate America and then the government, every single day, a different co-worker whose wife "didn't allow" him to have friends of the opposite sex took me out to lunch. Mind you, I wasn't looking to do anything with these co-workers, and these were just friendly lunches, but I could not for the life of me believe how many of them had wives who "didn't allow" friendly relationships with single people of the opposite sex. In a sense, it made these guys seek out those friendships even more, even though it never went anywhere past friendship. If you all trusted your spouses more and didn't restrict them, maybe they wouldn't actively seek out such friendships - not that I personally think there's anything wrong with single and married folks being friends.

These men were all very sweet, always respectful, kind, and I always told them they could do so much better than their controlling spouses, because they really could. Even when you are married, you do not own another person. You cannot police their lives and tell them they can't f'ing have friends. That's out of control. The sooner you learn this, the better off your marriages will be.

XO,

The Office Pretty Young Thing Befriending All Your Husbands

Because the single dudes aren't interested and didn't invite her to lunch.


But wouldn't your time be better spent with eligible men? Why the constant luncheons with married men? M

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those of you who are saying "we don't allow" this, just know that you aren't actually accomplishing anything. When I worked in corporate America and then the government, every single day, a different co-worker whose wife "didn't allow" him to have friends of the opposite sex took me out to lunch. Mind you, I wasn't looking to do anything with these co-workers, and these were just friendly lunches, but I could not for the life of me believe how many of them had wives who "didn't allow" friendly relationships with single people of the opposite sex. In a sense, it made these guys seek out those friendships even more, even though it never went anywhere past friendship. If you all trusted your spouses more and didn't restrict them, maybe they wouldn't actively seek out such friendships - not that I personally think there's anything wrong with single and married folks being friends.

These men were all very sweet, always respectful, kind, and I always told them they could do so much better than their controlling spouses, because they really could. Even when you are married, you do not own another person. You cannot police their lives and tell them they can't f'ing have friends. That's out of control. The sooner you learn this, the better off your marriages will be.

XO,

The Office Pretty Young Thing Befriending All Your Husbands

But wouldn't your time be better spent with eligible men? Why the constant luncheons with married men? M