Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So I found the browsing history from when he set it up and looks like he was perusing the site that night (last week when I was away) but hasn't done anything since. Unfortunately I can't just leave with 3 little children. I don't want to tell my family because I need to decide what to do. I want time to think but I also just want to confront him when the children go to sleep tonight and get it over with. But partly I'm afraid he'll say it was a one time thing but then change his passwords and be more careful with his browsing history so I won't ever know if he's being honest. Obviously at the very least we need counseling (if I even want to stay) but I don't know where to start or what to do but if I wait I don't know how to pretend everything is fine tonight.

I angrily confronted my DH a few years ago when I found out he was cheating. I regret it because I feel like I never really understood the extent of it and have had trouble trusting him ever since. I wish I had waited and nosed around some more... OP he will minimize it and you will never know if he's being completely honest. My husband claimed that what I found was everything and there was no way of knowing that for sure. He would have said that regardless because I was within an inch of filing for divorce.
Better to get as much of the full story as possible (and printed out/proven) before confrontation.
Do keep in mind that everyone deals with infidelity differently- it's okay to walk out and it's okay to decide that you and your DH can move past it. Don't let anyone tell you that you should go or stay. That's your decision. Just know that it will be difficult either way. I'm sorry that this has happened to your family.

OP here. This is helpful and why I ultimately decided to wait to say anything. I need to know if this is really just a weird curiosity he had 1 time or if he is really contemplating cheating. From what I can see he has not logged on at all since last week nor has he checked that email account. I checked his browser history again this morning after he was on the computer a long time last night but he didn't go to this website. I'd like to think it was just a 1 time thing but then when looking at his browser history from when he made the account I found he had also googled how to make a profile for online dating which makes me think he was more serious.

I truly can't believe I am dealing with this and feel so stupid for thinking he would never even consider cheating on me. Our marriage isn't perfect (no one's is) but I was happy and thought he was too. He always says how happy he is with our life even though it can be stressful and he wouldn't change it for anything. He loves our children more than anything so if nothing else I thought he would never risk the possibility of not seeing them every day.

So for now I'm going to wait and see because I need to know if he is going to do anything else. I just don't know how long to wait. I could see him not doing anything for months or even a year and then revisiting it then. But I can't/don't want to wait forever to tell him I know either.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, the sugar daddy sites I know of require men to pay for a membership before they can talk to women. They can send canned messages like winks or I like your profile but real talking takes money. Since you have the login I would just watch and see if he actually buys a membership.

Thanks, that's helpful to know. I'm the one who pays our bills and reviews the credit card statement so I would know if he had a paid membership. I don't have the login for the website, I only have the login for the email linked to it (I was just lucky he used a password I know) but I made a fake profile so I can view his and see if he logs in.

Anonymous wrote:Op, the sugar daddy sites I know of require men to pay for a membership before they can talk to women. They can send canned messages like winks or I like your profile but real talking takes money. Since you have the login I would just watch and see if he actually buys a membership.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. So I found the browsing history from when he set it up and looks like he was perusing the site that night (last week when I was away) but hasn't done anything since. Unfortunately I can't just leave with 3 little children. I don't want to tell my family because I need to decide what to do. I want time to think but I also just want to confront him when the children go to sleep tonight and get it over with. But partly I'm afraid he'll say it was a one time thing but then change his passwords and be more careful with his browsing history so I won't ever know if he's being honest. Obviously at the very least we need counseling (if I even want to stay) but I don't know where to start or what to do but if I wait I don't know how to pretend everything is fine tonight.

I angrily confronted my DH a few years ago when I found out he was cheating. I regret it because I feel like I never really understood the extent of it and have had trouble trusting him ever since. I wish I had waited and nosed around some more... OP he will minimize it and you will never know if he's being completely honest. My husband claimed that what I found was everything and there was no way of knowing that for sure. He would have said that regardless because I was within an inch of filing for divorce.
Better to get as much of the full story as possible (and printed out/proven) before confrontation.
Do keep in mind that everyone deals with infidelity differently- it's okay to walk out and it's okay to decide that you and your DH can move past it. Don't let anyone tell you that you should go or stay. That's your decision. Just know that it will be difficult either way. I'm sorry that this has happened to your family.

OP here. So I found the browsing history from when he set it up and looks like he was perusing the site that night (last week when I was away) but hasn't done anything since. Unfortunately I can't just leave with 3 little children. I don't want to tell my family because I need to decide what to do. I want time to think but I also just want to confront him when the children go to sleep tonight and get it over with. But partly I'm afraid he'll say it was a one time thing but then change his passwords and be more careful with his browsing history so I won't ever know if he's being honest. Obviously at the very least we need counseling (if I even want to stay) but I don't know where to start or what to do but if I wait I don't know how to pretend everything is fine tonight.

Anonymous wrote:I can't even believe I'm writing this, I never in a million years thought my husband would do this. I found out recently he lied to me about something little but because of it I've been wondering if I should be trusting him so completely. So just now I went on his computer and read his email. I found that he had recently set up a new email address. I was able to login to the new email and found that he had registered for a website for sugar daddys. I couldn't log in to his profile but I made a fake profile and I think I found his. There's no pic so I can't tell for sure but I'm 99% sure it's his based on when it says he joined. It says he's married but looking for something else. I don't know what to do now. I want to confront him but I also feel like I need time to process what I want to do. But I'm sitting here in tears trying to make dinner for our very young children knowing he's going to be home soon and I really don't know what to do.

Anonymous wrote:I think it is because physical cheating in VA can speed up the divorce process. In MD, I don't believe it matters.

Anonymous wrote:Op, the sugar daddy sites I know of require men to pay for a membership before they can talk to women. They can send canned messages like winks or I like your profile but real talking takes money. Since you have the login I would just watch and see if he actually buys a membership.

Anonymous wrote:Watch and wait. Check cell phone bill call records. Check computer history regularly and take screen shots. Check expenditures on all credit and debit cards, bank accounts, etc. Pay attention to the odometer on the car. Make copies of all important financial records - mortgage, retirement taxes, etc. I agree with other's suggestions that you catfiah him a bit. But, be careful that you don't leave a trail that he can connect back to you.

You can figure out a lot by googling phone numbers and credit card entries.

Consult an attorney. It is likely that documented evidence of cheating will make no difference in a divorce, legally-speaking (except in VA), but having enough info to make appropriate decisions and stop his gaslighting is priceless.

When you choose to confront him, do not tell him everything you know and do not tell him how you know. How he reacts to confrontation - whether he is honest and remorseful instead pf lying and denying - will tell you all you need to know about your future.

Anonymous wrote:My H cheated during lunch.