Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From a female: This seems very odd and I get the fact that it bugs you. Can't put your finger on it but it seems wrong. Sort of like "I can't define porn but I know it when I see it". Is he infatuated with this woman, is she leading him on in some way and doesn't realize it? That volume of text could be leading him on alone. How long have you been dating, how long has he known her?

What she can't put her finger on is she is jealous and threaten of/by this other more successful woman. Happens all the time. It sounds like they are friend...dare I say in a mentor relationship? You really have to stop and think why this bugs you so much and do you really want to be that controlling to put a stop to it?

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle aged woman whose best friend is a man who is 10 years younger than me. He is like the brother I never had. We click intellectually, politically, and creatively. But we are not intimate in any way.

I actually help him to try to find women that he likes. He desperately wants to get married and have kids. I have kids and don't want any more, ever. I really encourage him to get out there and meet nice women. He also helps me by giving me advice on men that I am dating.

Even I think it is a little odd, but I do think that we will be friends for the rest of my life. I can understand why people wouldn't understand it. We text and talk to each other daily.

I do realize, however, that if he meets a woman that he wants to marry that she may not approve of our friendship. At that point, I would step back and far away as needed.

I say all this just to point out that while it is odd, it doesn't have to be anything sexual in nature. If I were you, I'd ask if would be possible for the three of you to go out for dinner. Or ask him if it would be okay with him if you and his friend go out for dinner without him. If he is cheating or things are inappropriate, he probably wouldn't agree to either.

If you get to meet her, ask how they became close. Ask her if she has any romantic feelings toward him or whether they have had any sexual contact at any time. If she can answer all your questions, maybe you can relax a little. Trust your gut when you meet her.

Good luck. I hope it is all on the up and up.

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle aged woman whose best friend is a man who is 10 years younger than me. He is like the brother I never had. We click intellectually, politically, and creatively. But we are not intimate in any way.

I actually help him to try to find women that he likes. He desperately wants to get married and have kids. I have kids and don't want any more, ever. I really encourage him to get out there and meet nice women. He also helps me by giving me advice on men that I am dating.

Even I think it is a little odd, but I do think that we will be friends for the rest of my life. I can understand why people wouldn't understand it. We text and talk to each other daily.

I do realize, however, that if he meets a woman that he wants to marry that she may not approve of our friendship. At that point, I would step back and far away as needed.

I say all this just to point out that while it is odd, it doesn't have to be anything sexual in nature. If I were you, I'd ask if would be possible for the three of you to go out for dinner. Or ask him if it would be okay with him if you and his friend go out for dinner without him. If he is cheating or things are inappropriate, he probably wouldn't agree to either.

If you get to meet her, ask how they became close. Ask her if she has any romantic feelings toward him or whether they have had any sexual contact at any time. If she can answer all your questions, maybe you can relax a little. Trust your gut when you meet her.

Good luck. I hope it is all on the up and up.

Anonymous wrote:I am a middle aged woman whose best friend is a man who is 10 years younger than me. He is like the brother I never had. We click intellectually, politically, and creatively. But we are not intimate in any way.

I actually help him to try to find women that he likes. He desperately wants to get married and have kids. I have kids and don't want any more, ever. I really encourage him to get out there and meet nice women. He also helps me by giving me advice on men that I am dating.

Even I think it is a little odd, but I do think that we will be friends for the rest of my life. I can understand why people wouldn't understand it. We text and talk to each other daily.

I do realize, however, that if he meets a woman that he wants to marry that she may not approve of our friendship. At that point, I would step back and far away as needed.

I say all this just to point out that while it is odd, it doesn't have to be anything sexual in nature. If I were you, I'd ask if would be possible for the three of you to go out for dinner. Or ask him if it would be okay with him if you and his friend go out for dinner without him. If he is cheating or things are inappropriate, he probably wouldn't agree to either.

If you get to meet her, ask how they became close. Ask her if she has any romantic feelings toward him or whether they have had any sexual contact at any time. If she can answer all your questions, maybe you can relax a little. Trust your gut when you meet her.

Good luck. I hope it is all on the up and up.

Anonymous wrote:What is your long-term plan with the boyfriend? Do you both talk about the future, or is it just casual? Long-distance relationships are hard enough when there is a plan to live closer together.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you, as his girlfriend, would be intimidated by this. However, he's been friends with her for years and you've only been in his life for a few months. I would be pretty pissed if a new boyfriend started telling me that I shouldn't be friends with my close male friends because he was concerned that our texting about work BS and Game of Thrones was a threat to our relationship.

If I wanted to text my husband about these things, I would (and do!). Doesn't change that I'm also going to talk to other people in my life that I'm close to.

I think you need to figure out what exactly bothers you so much. That he chooses to talk to her instead of you? Do you want to talk to him for 3 hours while he's driving to see you? Do you want to text him incessantly?

I know this is my own insecurities. She is educated, I am not, she is single living extremely well(saw pictures of her home), I am back living with parents with son from previous relationship, she is well traveled, I haven't been off the east coast. I ask myself why has he picked me over her and if she isn't interested now but changes her mind and snaps her fingers does he just disappear out of my life. I feel like a second fiddle, like he settled for me cause he couldn't have her.

Anonymous wrote:From a female: This seems very odd and I get the fact that it bugs you. Can't put your finger on it but it seems wrong. Sort of like "I can't define porn but I know it when I see it". Is he infatuated with this woman, is she leading him on in some way and doesn't realize it? That volume of text could be leading him on alone. How long have you been dating, how long has he known her?

Anonymous wrote:
Unfortunately, a long distance relationship is probably very convenient for him.

He sounds like a nice guy. He also seems quite smitten with her. And she definitely prioritizes her relationship with him--maybe she has romantic feelings for him but is smart enough to know not to have a workplace fling.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can certainly see why you, as his girlfriend, would be intimidated by this. However, he's been friends with her for years and you've only been in his life for a few months. I would be pretty pissed if a new boyfriend started telling me that I shouldn't be friends with my close male friends because he was concerned that our texting about work BS and Game of Thrones was a threat to our relationship.

If I wanted to text my husband about these things, I would (and do!). Doesn't change that I'm also going to talk to other people in my life that I'm close to.

I think you need to figure out what exactly bothers you so much. That he chooses to talk to her instead of you? Do you want to talk to him for 3 hours while he's driving to see you? Do you want to text him incessantly?

I know this is my own insecurities. She is educated, I am not, she is single living extremely well(saw pictures of her home), I am back living with parents with son from previous relationship, she is well traveled, I haven't been off the east coast. I ask myself why has he picked me over her and if she isn't interested now but changes her mind and snaps her fingers does he just disappear out of my life. I feel like a second fiddle, like he settled for me cause he couldn't have her.

Let me reframe this for you. You are a single mother who has prioritized your child over your own advancement. Without a coparent it's nearly impossible to go to college, or go globe hopping, or advance in a career. Parenting changes you and makes you grow in ways that no other experience does. I've been to college, Europe, have a decent job and none of that changed me as a person more than having kids. It's a giant leap in life experience. Plus, you're younger. That will always be an advantage you have over her.

To me this level of communication seems like they're best friends. Maybe he sees as her not relationship potential because of her age and level in the company so he feels comfortable being friends and asking for advice. Does he see her in person? It sounds like that would be possible but it isn't happening.